So yeah, I'm 22, hormones for 21 months, full time since spring 2013...

It's just, me, my mother, my sisters here. It works, as much as I miss my father. But lately, she's found this guy, who, well, I like him, but a few concerns. One, he's pretty much religious right. I don't mind this remotely, as I am as well, for frame of reference only, but I don't want to be told items that I'm sinning, immoral, or going to hell, as I live enough of one in my own mind. In addition, there's old photos of me around- sounds strange, but on a personal level, these are tolerable, make me a stronger individual, tells me how well HRT did. Those shots feel as if they were someone else, that distant. As my mother is like the most supportive I could ask for, she might take a few of them down, for which I'm thankful. But if she doesn't, there will be questions.

And here's the big fun part-my mother says that my voice gives me away, every last time. It's been super low since birth, and has always been a pain and anguish. She wanted to be honest, and I guess I appreciate that...but it's making me feel really, really down. She didn't remotely said it to make me feel down, she's the most amazing mom about this, seriously, she wanted me to know the reality of this, that this guy would, if nothing else, did out that way. With that said, I'm not sure if this voice stuff is true, but I don't want this guy finding out that way...plus it is a thought that really makes me sad and hate myself. I don't know what to do; fricking voice. I don't want to be the reason they can't have a relationship, but am worried I will be. This thought has me distraught, and makes me want to cry. Help, I need some ideas, and fast.

Mom also got perturbed at me for saying, with respect to her voice remarks, "Eff (the full word) my life." With a voice like this, it's hard not to feel that way. I shouldn't talk like that, I know; I'm ashamed and sorry for it.

Hey GorJess, try not to worry what this guy will think. He has no right to tell you what you're doing is wrong. You know yourself better than anyone else and you know this is not a choice. I too hate my voice. It's not that masculine but trying to speak in another voice makes me feel very awkward and unnatural. If they can't have a relationship because this guy doesn't accept it then it's his fault; not yours. Someone like that isn't worth it. I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling, I get very upset about my voice and being seeing as a guy too. You done nothing wrong and were simply expressing how you felt so please try not to feel too bad about it.

I don't have much else to offer but there are some things you can look into regarding your voice. There are speech pathologist and guides on Youtube, just search up "MtF voice" and that should yield something useful. There's also this thing called Yeson voice surgery but I'll let you look into that more. I believe it's a lot more effective than other forms of voice surgery without the risk but please don't take my word on that. There are a few girls on here who have undergone the surgery so maybe you could get into contact with them for more information.

Here's the sub-forum where I've seen it discussed and they also have a website of their own if you Google it. https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,346.0.html

Good luck.

I try not to worry, but the reality of it all makes it seem like I have a good chance of becoming a roadblock. Why couldn't I have been natal?

Yeah, that vocal surgery, as soon as I can get that, I need it for my sense of self, and so people see me as female with my voice. Thanks for the info; hope I can get a job and pay for it next year, because right now, I'm a wreck...I can get my voice to a decent range, but it's hard to hold that. Gah.

I feel I need a good cry, but the tears won't flow.

I understand what you mean. There are many days where I wish I was born a natal female as well but then I try to remind myself that I wouldn't be the person I am today (would still love it though). I have a hard time holding onto a higher voice range too but it will come with time and practice. As weird as this sounds, I hope you can have a good cry and let your stress out as that happens to me way too often. We're all here for you if you need us and can come here any time you like. I really hope things get better, you can definitely get there!

I also had a super mega deep voice almost all my life. And managed to get a voice that sounds almost like my sister. It took about 3 years of constant practice though. Surgery is definitely the easiest way but if for whatever reason you can't, you can always train it. I'd be more than happy to help you. I'm also a young transitioner too.

Hi Jess, 

I remember talking with you about your voice when we met at PTHC.  While your voice is deeper than that of most cis women, I do know some cis women with deeper voices than yours.  They never worry about being misgendered, being quite confident about who they are.  It does happen, but their confidence allows them to just deal with it by simply correcting the misapprehension (sometimes politely; sometimes not).

Your manner of speaking and your body language are unmistakeably female.  This considerably lessens the impact of your pitch.  Use that knowledge to reduce the shame you are feeling. 

Your ability to look & act female is a strength you would be right to feel confident about.  It gives you a feminity that can override your pitch.  Instead of apologising for your pitch, take confidence from the fact that the overall impression you are making is that you are a woman.

You have my phone number (at least, I think you do - I definitely have your number).  I am off from work all this week (recovering from ER hernia surgery).  You can call whenever you wish.

Be well,

Tessa

Is there any place in the US or Canada that does this surgerie?

Hey Kassie, the only place that I know of that offers this specific voice surgery is the Yeson one located in Seoul, South Korea. They have a website or you can look at the voice sub-forum that I linked in one of my posts for more information.

Go to YouTube and watch some of the videos by CandiFLA.  Start with the early ones.  She's got 6 or 7 great videos about how she developed her voice.  And she'll switch back and forth...it's really funny.  Anyway, she had a unique approach, and it really makes sense to me compared to a lot of the other methods I've seen.  And her voice is really natural sounding.

And if this guy has been around for a while and doesn't know you're trans...then you're probably passing just fine. 

thanks for the info Valerie unfortunately traveling that far and long is almost impossible due to money etc.

Val, yeah, I mean, I got good news in that SRS is 90% covered in part because I pushed for it so much, so SRS is this winter or more likely next summer.

Tessa, hey, thanks for responding-honestly this is quite reassuring since well, we've met in person. Heck this answers some questions I've been longing about but never asked. Much thanks.

Oracle, hmm thanks to you too-wonder why that is among some of us? So very strange!

There are other voice surgeons, but only there does that technique. Hoping to go there to solve this issue once and for all!

Katie, worth a shot, right? Fair bit of time on my hands the next few weeks.


It's my mother's date with him tomorrow, and since when he's heard me speak, he gets quite quiet, I figure it's best to explain right now. Hope all goes well! Wish my mother lots of luck. Will probably update you all early tomorrow evening.