I'm 23, pre-t and currently studying at college. I live with my parents* but they don't know about me (no one but my girl does).
Well, actually I think my parents will never know. They are really religious and intolerant people. They may think I am a lesbian, but I've never said anything about this. And never will.

At this time, I dress up like a guy (or at least I try) but I know I don't pass. I can't go live by myself right now because my job doesn't pay me sufficient.
The plans? Well, I want to find another job and live with my gf far away from my family. Then, I want to start the transition.

*some of you might think it's strange, but its very common at my country!

The questions are: Am I doing it right? Is there anything else I can do for now?

Thank you for reading and sorry for any mistake, English is not my native language!

Unless you plan to never speak to your parents again, even on the phone, then they'll need to know eventually.  Your voice will noticeably drop.  There will be other changes too, though you might be able to disguise them for family holidays.

As for timing of transitioning, it might be advantageous to transition BEFORE relocating.  That way, you can start fresh at a place that has never known you as a woman. 

I don't live with my parents and I've considered attempting to transition without telling them.  Would they notice?  Parents often see their kids as they wish they were rather than as we actually are.  Could I just dress like a girl (or as much of a girl as I ever was) on the occasions when I see them?  I came to the conclusion that it would not work.  I may be able to pass for a little while, but not indefinitely.  And I think they'd be very hurt that I intentionally hid it from them for so long. 

These are just some things to think about, not firm advice.  There is no easy path to transition from female to male. 

Quote from: zero.cool.crash.override on August 03, 2014, 08:07:01 PM
Unless you plan to never speak to your parents again, even on the phone, then they'll need to know eventually.  Your voice will noticeably drop.  There will be other changes too, though you might be able to disguise them for family holidays.

As for timing of transitioning, it might be advantageous to transition BEFORE relocating.  That way, you can start fresh at a place that has never known you as a woman. 

I don't live with my parents and I've considered attempting to transition without telling them.  Would they notice?  Parents often see their kids as they wish they were rather than as we actually are.  Could I just dress like a girl (or as much of a girl as I ever was) on the occasions when I see them?  I came to the conclusion that it would not work.  I may be able to pass for a little while, but not indefinitely.  And I think they'd be very hurt that I intentionally hid it from them for so long. 

These are just some things to think about, not firm advice.  There is no easy path to transition from female to male.

Yes, I plan to never see or speak to them again. Actually I don't care if they discover about me if I am far away, lol.

My parents have no respect for people like me and you.
It might sound bad that I don't want my parents being part of my life, but I don't need people that humiliate me every day of my life.

Hey,

Given your situation, it sounds reasonable to me.

Jen

If you think your parents will never accept who you are, trying to be financially independent and move out seems to be the best way to help you live as the person you are or you want to be. I'm from a country that is not friendly to LGBT  at all, and I have seen so many trans people struggling with their coming out. Maybe you can search online to see if there are any trans groups in your area. Those people who have similar background as you might give better advice.

Thanks everyone for the replies!

Quote from: SWNID on August 03, 2014, 08:59:03 PM
If you think your parents will never accept who you are, trying to be financially independent and move out seems to be the best way to help you live as the person you are or you want to be. I'm from a country that is not friendly to LGBT  at all, and I have seen so many trans people struggling with their coming out. Maybe you can search online to see if there are any trans groups in your area. Those people who have similar background as you might give better advice.

Even though I've accepted myself as a transgender person since about 3 years ago, I don't really talk much about this with anyone but my gf. I still fear that people (even trans people) can't accept me... I kinda fear people's judgement...

But thank you for the advice!

We're all in the same boat - no judgement about being trans here.

Your plan sounds reasonable enough. My folks are decent people but wouldn't have understood so even I wanted to move out before I started transition, parents can really cramp your style and sadly many will do plenty to dissuade you if they know about your intentions beforehand.

If you can see a therapist now, even if passing it off as for depression or something, it can be a way to get things started while you are preparing to move out on your own. They may even be able to help you find reduced rent places to live.

I was raised by religious fundamentalists and was already a nonperson to most of them even before I started transitioning. The big secret gossip thing about me used to be that I was a lesbian, even though I wasn't. After I had my name changed I came out as male to my dad. Telling him was important to me, but I didn't expect any support or understanding. It's perfectly okay to cut ties with family if being around them is not healthy for you.

I don't know about the rest of the world, but living with one's parents at 23 is totally normal in my country, especially after the recent economic crisis.

Good luck getting out on your own. I definitely agree with kat that you should get a therapist if you can.

Quote from: Chimæra on August 03, 2014, 07:48:22 PM
I'm 23, pre-t and currently studying at college. I live with my parents* but they don't know about me (no one but my girl does).
Well, actually I think my parents will never know. They are really religious and intolerant people. They may think I am a lesbian, but I've never said anything about this. And never will.

At this time, I dress up like a guy (or at least I try) but I know I don't pass. I can't go live by myself right now because my job doesn't pay me sufficient.
The plans? Well, I want to find another job and live with my gf far away from my family. Then, I want to start the transition.

*some of you might think it's strange, but its very common at my country!

The questions are: Am I doing it right? Is there anything else I can do for now?

Thank you for reading and sorry for any mistake, English is not my native language!

I agree with everyone else.  There is no "doing it right".  I think it is just doing it in the best way that is right for each of us.  That includes protecting ourselves emotionally from people who do not accept us, whether that is family or not.  It seems as though you know what is best and healthiest (and emotionally safest), for you.  Your plan sounds like a good one.  Yes, it would be nice if you were already "transitioned" before you moved to a new location if you want to be stealth, but things can't always be perfect.  Plus, you can just change jobs from the first one, if you want to start fresh as "male" at a job.

Good luck to you.  No guilt...take care of you!

Honestly, I would transition as soon as possible because it gets harder to do so after college and when you're working at a job where you were pre-T.

honestly, that sounds a lot like what i'm going to do. i came out to my mom a year ago, but she didn't take it well and has only mentioned it once since then. after i graduate college, i'm going to move out of state and start medically transitioning. i'm not planning on cutting off all contact with her completely, but i'll do what i need to do to stay safe.

I'm in a similar boat to you. I'm hoping to transition during college but I don't think I could ever tell my parents either.. it's tough having a religious/conservative family, but I know you can get through it. Good luck 

Though you may be in a different country, I can definitely relate with this sentiment. I actually planned to do this myself when I went away to college, but financial situations made me choose a college where I could live at home. I'm currently in this situation of trying to move out to be myself, but I feel I still won't be far enough. Lol. With that said, we're all responsible for our own lives (easier said than done) and there are many children who move far away and cut parents off for a variety of reasons. We cannot tell you if you're right or wrong. We, or at least I, can only advise you to try to come out to them when you're far away and see how they react before cutting them off. Best of luck.