Quote from: Megan Joanne on August 04, 2014, 02:38:12 PM
I had to get something to clean up the glob and smear of ->-bleeped-<- across the floor just so I or someone else don't step in it again. Washed my hands really good. Tried not to touch my face the rest of the day. Must've been a reason for this mess and me stepping in it, gave me something to talk about. Though I'd preferred not to had to deal with something gross like this.

So we can assume that you had a real ->-bleeped-<-ty day! 

Quote from: Megan Joanne on August 04, 2014, 02:38:12 PM


Beware next paragraph, really gross ->-bleeped-<-...

I had to get something to clean up the glob and smear of ->-bleeped-<- across the floor just so I or someone else don't step in it again. Washed my hands really good. Tried not to touch my face the rest of the day. Must've been a reason for this mess and me stepping in it, gave me something to talk about. Though I'd preferred not to had to deal with something gross like this.

Ugh, that is gross    I had to deal with ->-bleeped-<- like that when I worked in fast food in much younger days, I was presenting as male back then and would always get elected to deal with it

Usually someone would take a dump on the seat or crap in the corner right across from the toilet, I remember one time in particular though when someone smeared their ->-bleeped-<- all over the walls and used it to write and draw graffiti in both bathrooms... Maybe it was a group effort?

Luckily I was able to hook up a hose with a sprayer and wash most of it down the drains then apply sanitizer, but that was generally how we cleaned the restrooms anyway, it just took a little extra time and effort that time

Don't know what gets into some folks sometimes

Does procrastination count?  I looked at today's to-do list and attached it to tomorrow's to-do list.  I'm sure I'll be motivated to clean things by then. 

Quote from: Jill F on August 04, 2014, 07:24:48 PM
Does procrastination count?  I looked at today's to-do list and attached it to tomorrow's to-do list.  I'm sure I'll be motivated to clean things by then. 

You're entitled to time out to Jillibrate you're acquisition of the new SS Card.

Nothing I did today was as important as finally getting up the nerve to make an appointment with my terrifying dentist. The last work I went in for literally shattered my tooth instead of saving it, and the roots are still buried in my face. I'm actually hoping he has to refer me to a surgeon. My dentist may be really skilled and simply dealing with a hard case, but I'll never know because I've spent hours on the phone multiple times and still can't find any others that take my insurance. He always says Americans complain too much but I don't think he's spent much time spitting out tooth shards.

Quote from: Shantel on August 04, 2014, 05:47:03 PM
So we can assume that you had a real ->-bleeped-<-ty day! 

Yeah. 

And that is why one should always take their shoes off when in the house, never know what nasty ->-bleeped-<- you may've stepped in outside of your home.

So, a couple days ago over the weekend I sent a request to my doctor for my blood test results, they were scanned and sent to me via email this afternoon. So this is what my results were:

2014-7-11 - general health panel and prolactin:


2014-7-29 - Thyroid related tests:


Looked a bunch of these things up, its all too confusing for me, but anyway, got 'em for my records.

So after I got home from work, my doggie and I had some left overs for lunch, then I sat down to reply to some messages (this took several hours), watching Mulan while I typed. After that Snickers and I played for a bit, with me throwing her tennis balls against the door (she loves that), then we took a walk. I had to use the heavier leash on her (I hadn't in a long time), she's been pulling me to hard (when she wants to greet someone or go over and sniff something she pulls with all her might, and she is rather mighty), arm has been so sore past couple months, I get pains shoot through it all the time and I know its from her (been having to use two hands lately), damn little dog is strong. I know the heavier leash weighs her down more but its either her or me.

I think my mom broke the vacuum. That time that she let dog hair accumulate in the compartment as well as through the hose, not really getting an suction. But then I used it after I had cleaned it out that day and it was fine, who knows what she did to it another time after that. Bad enough when I was getting ready to vacuum today, well when I went to get the vacuum cleaner the cord is wrapped all loosely around the handle. Uh, I hate that, and it shouldn't be, we got one of those kind with the button you press and it winds the cord up for you, nice and neat, real easy. My mom does laundry well, but don't let her near a vacuum cleaner, she's destroyed too many. I wanted to try to suck up some of those ants crawling around in our carpet, that's not happening today though, I'm not going to have that cause me unnecessary stress.

I just made my first steps outside the safety of my home dressed up in full......me. There was a couple people in the parking lot outside my apartment but I had to get my charger from my car. Well if I can do everything the. Army has made me do this should be easy right? OMG I was scared but I did it, they stopped and looked, and the one guy leaned over to get a better look as I headed back to my apartment. Not sure he could tell or not but they did stop talking to take a look.

But I did it! First step outside as me.

^ Exhilarating isn't it? It'll be even easier next time and each time thereafter. Just don't let anyone discourage you.

My first time I had to walk to see my therapist, from where I lived in Alexandria VA, to Bailey's Crossroads (border of Alexandria, Arlington and Falls Church) VA, about 3 miles. I was so scared, but at the time same so excited that I was actually doing it. I just maintained my usual tunnel vision to keep me focused and got there okay. Then I after my visit with her I had to walk back home. So this was my first time out and not my last, I was full time from that point on, February 6th, 2001 (on a Tuesday), and had to go to work the same day, later that night, boy was that a trip. But see, when I went full time to start I didn't dress over the top, all very basic women's clothes (women's top and jeans), only thing that really stood out was me wearing a bra (padded enough so I may've looked like a A cup (what I actually am now). I'm sure I stood out still as being a bit off in other's eyes when walking that day, I was quite terrified but didn't have an incidences, got there safely and back again, no problems. I felt free though, like a burden was lifted that day. It did get easier each time thereafter, still though it took a long while before I became totally comfortable with dressing as a woman. Didn't help at first when I started I wasn't yet on the hormones, that didn't happen until 3½ months later.

Quote from: Megan Joanne on August 05, 2014, 09:28:03 AM
^ Exhilarating isn't it? It'll be even easier next time and each time thereafter. Just don't let anyone discourage you.

My first time I had to walk to see my therapist, from where I lived in Alexandria VA, to Bailey's Crossroads (border of Alexandria, Arlington and Falls Church) VA, about 3 miles. I was so scared, but at the time same so excited that I was actually doing it. I just maintained my usual tunnel vision to keep me focused and got there okay. Then I after my visit with her I had to walk back home. So this was my first time out and not my last, I was full time from that point on, February 6th, 2001 (on a Tuesday), and had to go to work the same day, later that night, boy was that a trip. But see, when I went full time to start I didn't dress over the top, all very basic women's clothes (women's top and jeans), only thing that really stood out was me wearing a bra (padded enough so I may've looked like a A cup (what I actually am now). I'm sure I stood out still as being a bit off in other's eyes when walking that day, I was quite terrified but didn't have an incidences, got there safely and back again, no problems. I felt free though, like a burden was lifted that day. It did get easier each time thereafter, still though it took a long while before I became totally comfortable with dressing as a woman. Didn't help at first when I started I wasn't yet on the hormones, that didn't happen until 3½ months later.

It'll be another almost 4 years until I can start doing it full time and HRT. If I get a new job I might be able to be full time even at work but I'm still military which is why I have another nearly 4 years before I can start HRT for now I need to get out more often.

Quote from: Jasriella on August 05, 2014, 06:51:28 PM
It'll be another almost 4 years until I can start doing it full time and HRT. If I get a new job I might be able to be full time even at work but I'm still military which is why I have another nearly 4 years before I can start HRT for now I need to get out more often.

You must have re-upped huh?

What I've done today:













I'm sure you understand...

I went to the LGBTQ Career Network Job Club in the morning and got some more resume feedback, and attended a workshop about running one's own business in the afternoon.

Also, I had dinner with my adult kids.

Paid bills
Sorted through stacks and stacks of papers and organized them better for filing
Cleaned kitchen
Made pizza dough
Cleaned kitchen again
Overhauled and deep cleaned stovetop (stoverhaul?)
Reorganized wine collection
Groomed hairaeolas (UGH!)
Mopped floors
Swept lanai

Ugh, lymph nodes in my neck under my right side of my jaw are swollen today, started up last night, inner ear is hurting a little, and gums after my last lower tooth are swollen overlapping the tooth so that hurts a little too. The glands on this side of my neck are always swelling up, probably due to my bad teeth. Otherwise I felt great today. Got myself up, took a shower, put on one of my dresses, comfy yet somewhat revealing one and took Snickers out for a walk, construction guys couldn't stop eyeballing me, one waved to me, I waved back, smiling to myself and continued walking. 

After I came back, got on the internet, did some stitching while listening to (and singing along to) Disney songs on Youtube.

Aside from stitching, other than that mostly sitting around today. Posted a few messages here, replied to a few PMs, took my body measurements, going a little overboard but having fun with it, this for a topic on here https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,170673.msg1491189.html#msg1491189. I enjoyed my mostly uneventful day. Took some pictures of myself since aside from those I did after I cut my bangs I hadn't taken anymore since until today.





Almost 3am in the morning, and decided to go back over this post and delete everything negative I said regarding my mom, while it does involve being part of my day, the details are best left at home not on the internet. As is I don't even know if I want to even keep this up anymore. Who the hell cares what happens in my day anyway and what the hell do I need reminders for, what so long time from now when I'm senile I can go back and read about somebody that I don't even know, me. Ah hell. It did start out as a good day. Now I got thoughts of getting another job just so I can move out on my own (not the first time this has entered my mind). I just feel so very trapped.

Quote from: Jill F on August 05, 2014, 08:47:20 PM
Paid bills
Sorted through stacks and stacks of papers and organized them better for filing
Cleaned kitchen
Made pizza dough
Cleaned kitchen again
Overhauled and deep cleaned stovetop (stoverhaul?)
Reorganized wine collection
Groomed hairaeolas (UGH!)
Mopped floors
Swept lanai

I don't know what a lanai is, but I'm jealous of your productivity. I think I'm moving soon, so I've been eyeballing my house and it's a reminder what an incredible slob I am. We only mop if the toilet overflows or if there is some kind of seriously bizarre spill in the kitchen. I only vacuum if I think someone with allergies might be visiting. I got my computer fixed today, but I spent the last month putting clothes on and around the compter chair (out of sight, out of mind), so I have to deal with that and clean the paperwork off my desk before I can play youtube videos again.

Today we took six buses to get to the computer shop and back. It reminded me how obnoxious some of the 14 bus (which goes through a trendy shopping district) riders can be. Visiting the place was a happy experience, though. My hyperactive kid wanted to know if the guy who greeted us worked there and pointed out that anybody could break in and sneak behind the counter, and then she was really concerned that he might electrocute himself on our computer. We found a child's painting of an owl on the sidewalk that I wanted to take home, but she was worried the kid might want it back, so we just propped it up on a nearby wall.

We were supposed to go get cat food and cereal afterward, but I was too tired. I'm out of shape so carrying the computer made me look and feel like I had been trying to bench-press an elephant on a hot day.

Quote from: Shantel on August 05, 2014, 07:10:18 PM
You must have re-upped huh?

No. Just look at the ticker in my signature, agonizingly slow going down but it's getting there.

Quote from: Jasriella on August 06, 2014, 07:14:17 AM
No. Just look at the ticker in my signature, agonizingly slow going down but it's getting there.

Oh gotcha!

Spoke to my course coordinator, re-entered Uni officially, went to the gym and now I'm going to have some curry 

Practiced coding with HTML/CSS while looking for those web development schools.
I have a good few website ideas for transgenders but not the technical knowledge to execute them.

Trigger Warning

oh, let's see...
I read far too many posts here, wrote many unposted responses... 'oh shyte, I really can't comment on that, I lack the experience...'
'nope, can't say that... mayhaps I misread the post...', 'h-e-double hockeysticks... I'm not offering anything useful... I shouldn't be wasting the bandwidth...'
Caught a glimpse of my linkedin profile pic. That was rough. Couldn't decide if I looked more grandfatherly or maybe simply avuncular. Neither of those will do. That worked so well in concert with a particular thread I encountered on my fugue through the Forum. Staring at the pic of one of the contributers in the thread, at her lovely blonde hair, hair that was actually growing from her scalp, that in contrast to mine own pate, vast barren landscape, alopecia barely held in check by heroic pharmceutical warfare... sigh. I was left with the feeling that passing should never be an issue for me for the same reason that summiting Everest should never be an issue for me. Ain't gonna happen, not next Tuesday, not ever. While on the one hand, I know that shouldn't really matter, the intellectual knowing of it loses ground against the emotional wanting of it to be untrue.
While this is Ellie
and I am she, she isn't really me. She came out of a box and is reinstalled therein. The face behind the arm is unambiguously and painfully male.

So... what did I do today? I stupidly fed my dysphoria, then selfishly ranted about it. Sorry.

peace, out...