I was really excited today, because I thought I was going out at night with a friend's group. But she just texted me telling she'd have to go with someone she doesn't know very well, so she didn't want to ask her to take me as well cuz that would be taking advantage and doesn't me to go alone by train at night. I know she didn't do it intenionally, but this makes me so sad. It's a reminder of how lonely I am - I thought that for one day I would leave this godamn house. At least I went with her to the beach the other day.

But yeah, I have so little friends and I feel so lonely, it makes me want to cry. I will have to repeat one subject, and I hope I can switch schools. I am nearly 18 and I have no social circle, and three friends who are going with their own lives obviously. I feel terribly terribly terribly lonely. And actually, my main frustration is really being lonely, because I am at peace with being transgender. Lol, it's obviously not easy to live with this reality, but I'll find a way. But loneliness kills me. I don't think I will survive much longer if this keeps carrying on.

I am sorry for the sad post, but I needed to.

I'm 10 years older than you and i've had the same problem my entire life. I've never been able to find a single friend who would spend time with me. I've found solace in MMO games, I am AMAZING at making friends in them and they have been some of the coolest people i've known in my life.

Awwee <3.  I've at times felt like I've had no friends and then throwing in the Transgender its like anyone that you used to be friends with was a lie?  its not like I act different around people but its like finding someone that you can talk to who isn't just going to say I guess you need some professional help or something.. but like finding true friends is tough and I haven't managed to find any I have a few good friends who are supportive about everything but that whole isolation feeling exists everyday,  especially when your feeling low or just want to go out and do something that your completely not comfortable doing yet.  and then your just stuck at home with nothing... 

Your not alone Auroramarianna <3

I'm not quite sure how to respond to this.  I've had friends when I was your age which wasn't a problem for me, but then again, they didn't know I was transsexual (the fact is, neither did I, I didn't know what a transsexual was ).  So, do you see a therapist?  Whether you do or not, is there a support group near enough for you to join?  Forums are good and serve some purpose, but I know we all need to be able to relate to a real person face-to-face and socialize.  Being part of an organization like those in schools and communities could be beneficial to you in developing the friendships you seek.  I do wish you the best and hope this situation improves for you.  Hugs.
Kathy

Thanks girls, and no there is no support group near me... The one there is far away.

Yes, I do see a therapist... A new one since I told my mom about being trans. My mom doesn't believe I am, so yeah. You'd expect parents to be try to at least understand what you're going through, but LOL, mine are surely not like that, and when they try, they end up putting the blame on me.

I feel so hopeless. I wish my prince charming just saved and took me out of here, but that's a fantasy, lol, and it's not even funny that I need to resort tp daydreaming. I feel sooo lost.

Omg!! I like day dream all the time it can bring you up ^.^

but yea that's unfortunate that a group is so far away but maybe reaching out online for people in the same area ? I know that's kind of hard and scary but as a last resort maybe?

I'm just like you. I never really had long lasting friends ever in my life.  While we talked, they never really asked me to hang out and when I did ask them, something always came up and just discouraged me from trying to make plans with someone in the future for a while. I do find comfort on the Internet where I get to interact with lots of people, which is a good thing.

Well, what I recommend is that you go to college. Use the repeated subject for an extra year to rank up and improve scholarships. Although it may difficult to find friends, maybe it was just the school. I was bullied and mase fun of in my district school, so I left it. Remember that everyone is different so you can always have chances of finding someone you like/shaee common interests. Be very open to meeting new people, and why not join a club/sport/organization. Furthermore, maybe get a job, that can get you out of the house and see peeple! If all else fails, you will always have us, the LGBTQTTI Community by your side.
The part where you said "I don't think I can survive much longer if this keep carrying on." Means you can go to Trevor chat and talk about you feelings. Trevor chat & text is here: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now#tt It is a lifeline, a chatroom, but also a place you can text every friday about how you feel. My recommendation is to go check it out!

Quote from: Auroramarianna on August 06, 2014, 10:59:35 AM
I wish my prince charming just saved and took me out of here, but that's a fantasy, lol, and it's not even funny that I need to resort tp daydreaming. I feel sooo lost.

I would just ask what would change if prince charming did swoop in? If he whisked you away to someplace else, would you not find yourself wherever he brought as you were when he picked you up?

It's good you're at peace with being trans, and due kudos for that. Personally, it took me a long time to find peace with my teens cause those are some tough years for everyone, for our own unique-to-each-of-us reasons. Though, one constant is our teens are also a time when we're all saddled with more responsibility for our own lives. So, getting back to prince charming, he can't address your loneliness or your reaction to your loneliness or whatever is causing it. However the matter ultimately gets resolved, the one thing that's for sure is you're your own step one.

Remember anyone in this world can be alone in this world if one doesn't trust someone else.

YOU have friends on Susan's that you can always vent out your emotions.

You will eventually find friends on your own. Just ask them how they feel about someone else who has similar feelings.

Take me, I'm a converted southpaw(beaten up) and I have many different ethnic groups in me, that when most not all people would find out they went on their way or told me my relatives played around too much. One can get content at being alone but somehow we always will try to seek out friends.

Just love yourself and people who play fair will be your friends. In the end it's all that counts.

There is always a bright ray of sunshine that will enter your life.

Hey Aurora, I know how you feel. I've never really had people I'd actually call friends throughout my whole life. I'm always just following people around and being the 'third-wheel' so to speak. I'm sure people don't do it intentionally to me, it's probably because I'm never really in a good mood and aren't the type to talk that much. I've never had a friend who's had similar interests as me so this could be why. I'm sorry you feel so lonely, I always do too. I've met some pretty amazing people over mmorpgs just like Juliett but I always end up drifting apart from them. ;\

You always have us, I hope things get better for you.

add homeschooling to that, hun.
sorry to 1+ you. i get where youre coming from. for the past five years ive been homeschooled and i missed all of highschool and grade eight. i was excited for grade 8 because i was supposed to get one of the coolest teachers and i was with my "friends" (i had just moved here and spent half of the school year there)
so my parents pulled me out of school and i dont now anyone now. thx mum and dad
so what i do to cope with boredom or lonliness is talk to people in anyway i can. mostly online. (im currently into gaming forums, lots of fun topics and threads there)
i chat with my gf, whos in ireland right now with family. :'3 wish i was with her.
ive also taken up longboarding. and ill be honest, ive taken myself out on a few dates. it feels empowering to just go out and wander somewhere new, buy whatever you want and spoil yourself rotten.
im a weirdo though and i get that this might not work with other people.

Thanks for the replies everyone

Yes, Misato, that is very important, it is my responsibility to fight for myself and become less lonely.

Valley, I'm sorry that you also feel this way. I don't wish this on anyone else, and I hope you can find genuine connections in real life because you deserve it.

DelKay, I have never homeschooled and I don't think it's possible to be so in my country. Oh, and if you're a weirdo, don't worry, we're together, because I enjoy doing that as well, eheh :p

SilentRain, thank you for the suggestion, I will definitely try it out ^_^

Wow!  This post really hits home because loneliness is killing me, too, right now.

I have to say first of all that I'm not young any more, and I've had a history of being a loner all my life.  It's not that I don't like people.  I've met lots of people throughout my life that I've liked a great deal, but I suppose I've never really trusted people and have been close to very few of them.  There could be a number of reasons--being trans would be one of the obvious ones--and I'm not sure what all of them might be.

This is a shame, of course.  Mainly because I've seen plenty of evidence that people generally quite like me.  I'm the sort that people take to pretty quickly.  I'm not sure why this is because in various ways I don't feel very likeable.  I have my shortcomings like anybody else.  I have a tendency to be a bit abrasive at times, I have a pretty quick temper and I can be quite opinionated when the mood takes me.  One time a friend of mine told me that I had a reputation as one who doesn't suffer fools gladly.  So it's not as if I'm all sweetness and light, and yet, as I say, I believe people would like me if I gave them the chance.  It's just that I've never been open to people.

Since I came out a couple of years ago, though, for the first time in my life I've felt a real need for people and for friends.  I want to be out and about, going places, doing things, seeing people, but there are problems there.  I've been working from home for the last while, and since that hasn't been going extremely well, I've been looking for a job in the outside world.  But in today's economic climate, I haven't had any success so far.

Also, I live in a tiny little town where nothing's happening.  No place to go, nothing to do.  Also I don't have a car, and public transportation is a joke in this country.  It's hard to get anywhere.  This month there are a lot of LGBT activities going on in two nearby towns and it looks like I won't get to much, if any, of it for lack of transport. 

Another problem is that there aren't any other transpeople very close to me.  Two or three not terribly far away that I meet up with fairly often, but nobody I can just go hang out with.  So I'm feeling a bit of despair these days.

I don't know what the solution is.  I'm hoping that bit by bit the situation might improve.  E.g., I joined a book club a while back and have got a bit close to at least one of the members.  Also, from time to time I do see some people who knew me in my old life and who are still friendly with me.  So I'm hoping that now that I'm open to making friends (something new for me) maybe that will start happening.

Hey Aurora,

I am so sorry, you feel this way right now, and i don't really know what I can say to help. What I will tell you though is that you are soooo young, yet you have accepted who you are already, and that is so priceless i can't even begin to tell you.  I would give anything and everything i have to go back and know/accept who i was at your age.  You have a real chance to find happiness, never be afraid to go out and do what it takes to get it!  It is not all just going to come to you.  The one certainty that you have is that nothing will change if you stay inside your house.  You have so much ahead of you and so much opportunity!  Time is on your side sweetheart!  Start looking for a good liberal college where you can feel comfortable and safe to be yourself.  You will meet tons of new people, and not have people around you all the time telling who you are, who you aren't or who you should be.  Gah! You said you are near a beach too!  Get out of that house!

Quote from: Auroramarianna on August 06, 2014, 10:59:35 AM
I feel so hopeless. I wish my prince charming just saved and took me out of here, but that's a fantasy, lol, and it's not even funny that I need to resort tp daydreaming. I feel sooo lost.

Dear Aurora, I can only echo some of what Kylie has written.  Your prince charming will come, but he'll be looking for a happy person, comfortable in her own skin.  And you will get there.  You're at an age that is wonderful and totally nasty at the same time.  Wonderful because it's an age where your self-discovery knows no limits.  Nasty because you probably have that akwardness that many of us had at your age, and without being able to express the self-confidence that is latent inside you.

But your quote shows that you have insight and are realistic.  This is excellent.  I will guarantee that if you persevere, find yourself, and just be you, you will find a bunch of friends who will make your soul resonate.

By the way, a friend of mine cancelled on me tonight.  I used it as an opportunity to be nice to myself.  Some chinese take-out food and I watched a movie.  It was a better evening at home than I was expecting.  Sometimes my own company is rather therapeutic

Hugs
Julia

Foxglove, I am really sorry you feel the same way, but you see joining a book club is fantastic! I'm sure you will meet lots of nice people, and who knows you may find the love your life there

Kylie, definitely going to do that. I just wished I had someone to hang out when I get of my house, but I will have to it anyways, otherwise I'm doomed. best wishes to you too, xxx

Julia, thank you so much. I realize I need to show my happier side. And yes, I do that sometimes, taking care of myself improves my mood

For a while there I was really having this problem too...Like I really didn't have many friends and when one cancelled, it just crushed me. Many times it would lead to me sulking. Quite a few of my blog posts mention that I should put more effort into getting friends and such. The thing is, I really didn't but, it isn't much of any issue anymore.

Apparently, just being on hormones and going out as myself, and being happy managed to pull quite a few people back who used to be close and attract a few new friends. Now, there are people who only know me as Vera, and that is such an amazing feeling. I didn't have to totally find new people, I basically started pushing on the friends I already had to go out and do things and expanded my circle by being around people they knew that I normally wouldn't have much contact with since I wasn't going out and doing things before.

It seems, a large part in snagging friends just comes from being happy to see and interact with new people, while still being yourself.

This thread probably affects a lot of us and the downside of transition is you often loose about 60% of your friends and a few family relatives. At least that's what I found. Especially male friends who may suddenly drop you like a hot potato and you never see them again. I've had some lonely times, especially last Christmas and new year spent on my own. That was pretty hard to get through.

Also making new friends isn't that easy. Especially at my age where most people have partners and are married. I did get in with a group of cis girls to go out and around with but constantly worried that they might read me. As it goes I was slowly dropped which really answered my question. I can't hit a bar on my own as I feel vulnerable but I do go out as much as possible and I'll go to gigs on my own.

Then there's relationships? where do I go on my own to meet guys of my age? I rarely get hit upon or bought a drink, so I know I am still not up to that kind of standard where I am attracting guys which also disturbs me. I am not a lonely, solitary single sort of person, so being lonely for a number of years now has affected my wellbeing, confidence and health.

Pretty cool that so many have reached out into your lonely time
Being trans can be lonely but no choice so here we are so where do we go from here? As sad as it is i placed a craigs list ad for a platonic women friend..i had a billion seven hundred penis pics BUT i had a few women write who became pretty good friends. There are alot of lonely people but we dont wear tops that say "please talk to me"  do things you enjoy and force yourself to talk to those around you. Always ask about them as people love to talk about themselves.
Please feel free to pm me and vent anytime or ill give u my cell. Id love to talk...my wife says i talk too much....lol
You can and will do this! Be happy honey and live your life as it goes quick.

Get serious on your education as it will open more doors. Fwiw

Best wishes always
Stevie