Well, my sister just disowned me after I bent over backwards for a week to show her and her daughters a great time here in NJ/NYC. All it took was her picking a fight, me sticking up for myself a few heated words and boom, "you're a stranger to me." "I want my brother not a sister." "this is going to kill, dad." "You may not love him very much but I do." I tried to patch things over despite it getting so bad that she called me a "freak" a "liar" and a "villain" including once again calling into question my choice as it reflects on my child.  I begged her to calm down and rebuild things with me but she insists now on holding this grudge (if it can be called that) and making sure I'm no longer part of her life. Just had to share that after the blow up I had with her the other night that she blamed on alcohol that I graciously turned the other cheek on. There was no alcohol to hide behind this time and she even confessed that she has considered this trip to see me the last one since she arrived.

Joke's on me?

Sounds like good riddance to me... You deserve to be treated with respect.

This is tough to deal with but you have behaved well.  You appear to have been authentic.  You have been generous.  You have been open to maintaining the relationship.  Unfortunately you can't always have folk like or agree with you, no matter how hard you want or need it to be the case.  You can only look after you.  Folk sometimes come around in time.  Either way you have done nothing wrong and should not be down on yourself.  If having her disrespect or abuse you is the price for this relationship then I think that it sounds far too high.

Aisla

Quote from: Boo Stew on August 07, 2014, 10:30:10 PM. . . she called me a "freak" a "liar" and a "villain" . . .

Freak and liar, I could take those insults lying down.  But villain?  Ouch!

(Seriously, who uses that word?)

You're doing the right thing by staying calm(ish) and turning the other cheek.  If she wasn't your sister, I'd be more inclined to say screw it, good riddance.  But she is, for better or worse, a relative who you should at least try to stay on good terms with.

Give it time.  Keep your distance for a while, maintain polite contact if you can.  Make sure you're not the one who will burn the bridges - it's a lot easier to live with broken relationships if you yourself didn't cause the split.

She seems rather selfish, judging from the things she's said.  "You're a stranger to me"; "I want my brother not a sister" etc.  But remember that she may legitimately feel like this new girl really has displaced the brother she once absolutely loved, and I'm sure she's grieving that loss.  And all you can do is show her, over time, that the brother she once had is still, for all intents and purposes, alive in your female form; all the memories you shared when younger, they're all still valid, and new experiences you share in the future will be just as enjoyable once you've both adjusted to the new you.

As long as you're still communicating, there's hope.  It's when one of you cuts off the other that reconciliation becomes progressively more difficult.  So keep those lines open.  Keep the invitations open, even if you have the first nine thrown back in your face.  It'll be that tenth one that she accepts, and you'll sit down, have a huge, all-night chat about everything that's changed, and in a few years you'll have moved on to this new phase in your lives together rather than apart.

You'll get there.  It'll take serious effort on your part, and the patience of a saint, but don't give up!

Worry about things you can change...on this journey some will accept you and others wont. Hang out, love and be loved by those that do.
Im a vetran of losing my parents and my oldest three kids. I kept my wife and three younger kids and glory in that...those that dont love me will stew in their hate as their choice..im sad for them.
Best wishes
Stevie

Ugh, that's awful. Sorry she's behaving in this way. 

If I may make a suggestion: give things a week or two to cool down, and then send her a friendly written note (post, email, text, greeting card, whatever) just saying that you regret that things are currently difficult between the two of you and that your door is always open when she's ready to talk. And then leave it like that. Extend an open invitation, and let her make the next move when she's gotten over herself.

And no, the joke's on her. It sounds like you've behaved like an adult in this situation... whereas she appears to be behaving in an immature fashion. Perhaps she'll come round if you give her some time & space to sort herself out.

Please leave the door open as she may change her mind. However, in the mean time keep your distance to let her think it out.
However, if she keeps the door closed, then close the door on her.
You deserve respect and love and not to be abused.

Thanks everyone. We'll see how things go from here. We exchanged txt messages this morning of a cordial but distant nature, so perhaps her disownment of me is a knee jerk reaction to something she needs time to work through. It's good to know it might not be a forever thing.

Hugs.

I feel sorry for your sister. She's missing out on watching you blossom into the wonderful sister you could be if she'd let you in.

Quote from: suzifrommd on August 08, 2014, 02:51:19 PM
Hugs.

I feel sorry for your sister. She's missing out on watching you blossom into the wonderful sister you could be if she'd let you in.

The Facebooker in me wants to LIKE this so freaking hard. 

Hugs,

I am sorry this has happened to you.

When you disclose who you are different people have different reactions. I have had very hurtful names and threats of violence from those closest to me. They were in shock. After a little while they realize this is real and needed.

Be yourself, kind, honest and alive and they will choose to engage or not.

*sigh* That makes me so sad. People can be so selfish. You need a thousand hugs right now.

Thanks, Cynthia and Arin! Hugs were much needed.

Here is another hug to ward off the disappointment.

As said give her time and you just keep on keeping on.

We all wish for acceptance but we need to accept our own path is a true path to show the world who we are.

So here is just another hug for later on when needed, this family is always here. Hug.

Your sister has released you from the burden of having to appease a passive-aggressive drama queen. Being 'disowned' might actually result in a quality-of-life improvement for you.

The punchline is when a person like that becomes furious that you are better off without them. How dare you be ok without them? What will you do without their helpful abuse?

Be nice to your sister. At a distance. And live your life surrounded by positive people instead.
Hugs,
- Jesse

I'm sorry you are going through that. You do not deserve it. I agree with suzifrommd, your sister is missing out. Being disowned hurts. Having a family member verbally abuse you hurts. Family is important but it's not everything. There are lots of us who have been disowned or had to escape from abuse and have filled our lives with loving people and the joy of self-acceptance. Hang in there.