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im kinda at this stage. well im not having guys follow me around or anything though. id love to be able to experiment with womens clothes or make up but not around my family. i need to get out of here.
i do get what you mean about it being painful though. wanting to be someone and just going out and enjoying yourself, but being held back because of what others will think or do. i wish you the best though. youll get through it. :')

Hi Wild Flower

I think that you are putting too much emphasis on your looks. Obviously if guys chase you, they find you attractive but it may be your personality, not your looks. Who knows, maybe you look mysterious/enigmatic to their eyes.

Why will it be over? I am sorry, I couldn't understand that part.

But anyways, you can't be totally afraid of expressing your femininity. Obviously some degree of fear is reasonable, but you gotta start experimenting with the small things, like makeup or earrings. I know the army is a difficult scenario, but when you're out you can't perpetually hold yourself back, because you fear other's opinions of you. There will always be people judging you. You can't live for others, people who truly matter will be by your side, supporting and being kind.

best wishes, xxx

Sounds to me like you may quite be enjoying yourself being attractive?

I dunno... roll with it and see where it takes you? Perhaps transition doesn't make sense now, but maybe it will someday. All that matters is that you are happy and having fun with your life, looking forward to what may come

I hate being the worrier here, but you sound to me really obsessed with attracting attention. This has surely come to the attention of your CO by now. If you want a military career I would reign it in a little or be separated and lose benefits. Just trying to supply a reality check of sorts, not judging as your life is yours to do what you want. If you do not plan a military career go for it.