Hi everyone. This is all very new to me. I am in my 30s and my boyfriend/girlfriend of 4 months MTF is about to be 40. I am a widow and have 3 kids. Met up with my MTF and fell head over heels for him. I found out about a month ago about the MTF though he physically hasn't went through any changes. I joined here because I wanted to be able to interact with people who are going through similar experiences. He is very stressed and keeps alot of it inside. I've been treating our relationship as a normal relationship because even though its different I don't think it should be. So I don't think I am as supportive as I need to be yet I don't want to be over supportive cause its still new. Anyway, glad I came across this group. 

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First off i know you feel this is going to feel like a roller coaster ride.

Well its going to be for her also.

Take the time to read as much as you can about her GD.

I am guessing she has a therapist? I would suggest you also have one separate of hers. Sometimes its just nice having that person to talk to face to face when things get very hard to handle.

I am going to move this over to the significant other thread being i feel it will get way more views then in the introduction section

Again welcome to the family and ask, ask and ask any question you might have.
Mrs. Izzy

Welcome! I'm also in my 30s and my wife transitioned about five years ago. We'd been together a long time by then, though; there are admittedly different challenges in a relatively new relationship.

Regardless, I try to be the "welcome wagon" and tell people that relationships do survive and even thrive post-transition.

Thank you! We have had some stressful days and some really awesome talks. There is no doubt about it I am in love with him/her. He/She has had a not so good childhood, horrible exes, and has trust issues. But I am in it for the long haul and whether he/she is the man I met or the lady (goes back and forth) I can't imagine my life without him/her. Even if he/she drives me nuts when he/she lets her mind go and bad thoughts in. I reassured him/her today how much I love him/her and what I would do for us and offered to go to a therapist separately and together. He/she needs someone to talk to. I am the first one that has accepted him/her for what he/she is. Is there a term that I should be using. MTF but no physical changes. Just cross dresses (especially loves heels) and is going to get boobs. Maybe I should just say My MTF but sounds controlling. Anyway, thank you for welcoming me and I am sure I will have some off the wall posts here and there.

Comes down to where she is in her emotional state. Him or Her has to be something talked about and excepted.

Once the term is agreed the that's where communication stays until needs updating.

Communication is the key to acceptance.

But she needs to also respect your needs in all of this.

It can not be one sided.

So He is your boyfriend, she is your girlfriend.

Hugs

Welcome.

What term fits with her depends on how much she wants to do (I'm also new but i know now a few things). If she wants to change but isn't in the process (before seekings help / in the closet / hormones) she's MtF pre transition. If she's taking hormones and wants operations but hasn't had the big operation yet then she's MtF pre-op (like my girl). If she wants hormones but no operations she's MtF non-op. Don't know what it is if she wants no hormones or operations.

My girl used to crossdress in private before she started to transition (met her while she was quite far in the transition so I haven't witnessed it). I think most transgenders do that.

Have you asked your significant other how she wants to be called (female and she/her or male and he/him) and have you thought about if you are ready for that? She might be ready but if you aren't ready is going to be hard (also you might hurt her feelings of you use the wrong one). It seems to me you aren't ready to call her your girlfriend, lady or girl yet. Me personally, I call my MtF girlfriend "my girl" towards others. How I call her in private is private

Don't feel too bad about if you can't call her your girlfriend or how she wants to be called be you. The mother of my girl told me she accepted her daughter when she told her about it all, but she couldn't call her by her new name or use female pronouns (toke her about a year).

It's great to see you try to help her and try to get her to be the best she can. I hope both you and her can work it out together.

If you're straight, then you're gonna have to break up with her eventually.

Juliett : With all due respect, that's both unkind and untrue. There are quite a few straight women in the world who've been in relationships with at least one woman (both trans and cis), and quite a lot of lesbians who occasionally date[d] men. Sexuality is more varied and fluid than we give it credit for, and this poster seems to know what she's getting in for - she's not someone who has to decide after a long-term relationship whether she can be flexible. She presumably has decided to stay in this new relationship despite knowing her partner is a woman, and that means it's as unhelpful to tell her to leave as it would be to go up to a lesbian and tell her she has to break up with her boyfriend.

(Granted, I might consider a lot of those people bisexual. But I also think it's rude to define other people's orientations for them, so if they say they're not, I'll accept it. They're just people with "exceptions" to their usual preference.)

Now, it's worth noting that someone involved with a woman will be *publicly perceived as* a lesbian, but as the OP is not obviously naive, I'm assuming she's considered that.

I agree with blueconstancy.  I would add that sexual orientation is not always obvious to oneself, especially if one is mostly straight and/or happens to fall in love at a young age with someone of the opposite sex, effectively taking the issue off the table.  When my wife (who is MTF) first started transitioning, I honestly didn't know whether I would still be sexually attracted to her as a woman.  We've been together a very long time and I was prepared to stay no matter what, but it turns out I am still attracted to her and everything is good.  Being out publicly as lesbian/bisexual has been harder outside of my immediate progressive "bubble."  I hate not feeling comfortable holding hands or kissing her on the cheek in public, like I used to do all the time without thinking about it.  That is something I did not anticipate.  Curious whether anyone else has views/advice on that.

In response to Mark,

I'll call her her to make it easier on me

Babe is normally what I call her as well as wifey (what she calls me too). She has taken the hormones in the past but has heart issues that forced her to stop and now that I am here she doesn't want to or at least thats what she says. She wants to get breasts but isn't going to alter any other part of her body (no big operation). I am good with breasts...really good lol.  She cross dresses in private and goes clubbing with girlfriends way out of town periodically. However she is thinking about quitting her job so they can find a new one that supports her to be able to dress in face at all times (what she calls it). I am very supportive. I want her to be happy and accepted. She makes me very happy. She is emotional and it leads to stress but we all can be lol. Don't want to imagine my life without her. It's kinda funny how feelings progress. I was a little weirded out I first saw her dressing as a femme cause I was use to her as a guy. That's how she presents herself in public and for the first 2 months I knew her. Then to dress as a femme I was blown away. Beauty, how tall she is in heels, it was/is erotic and works for me. I am not lesbian (I guess maybe a little I dunno) I can still see him in her especially as clothes go flying off. So I really don't know much but I fell in love with the person not the gender and so far its working great. I just got to get through the moods cause I tend to feel that since our relationship hasn't been very long I fear it won't last cause she's gone through so much and is trying to push through and find herself and deal with her exs, work, and her feelings. It's not weird for me at all anymore. I walk into her house and see him and am like awww where's my girl.....which I have found out is not appropriate lol.

Julliett - I don't agree with you. We have plans to move in together and build the home of our dreams out in the country away from the unaccepting City she lives in now. Putting things in place to build our lives together. I couldn't be any happier with her.

Blueconstancy, Thank you for your post. I don't see myself as bi but I probably am. I also thought of myself with unusual fantasies (thought never acted upon them).  I do know what I am getting in to and she and alot of the stress we have came into and overcome has been her feeling like she is letting me down in the man area (not being strong like she should be).... It's definitely been a new experience to me....but I can't imagine my life without her nor do I want to. If it's meant to be it will be and if its not then I made an awesome friend. My friends (female) that know are jealous....not only do I have a boyfriend I also have a girlfriend to go shopping with all the time lol. She is teaching me to be more of a girl too. She loves heels and I have bad ankles so never wore heels....but I bought some and some short skirts and we have fun. Best all she loves me as I am....which I do her too.

Kmfesq - She comes from a small town that is very anti everything. She can not be in public the way she wants. I am accepting at that we cant go out and just go out. We would have to go far away, etc. Even going to the drive in. I so wanted to pack a picnic and sit in the car at the drive in and watch a couple movies talking and being out and she was afraid of her safety. It upset me cause I thought being in the dark would make it better which I am sure it would have but at no time do I ever want her to be in danger especially over a movie. We have never been out in public together with her being a she. I want to and she knows I want to just hasn't worked out yet. I am attracted to her as a her too though shes not a her her.


I am just enjoying our relationship. Whether I see a girl or a guy. I love the person I am with and would do anything for her. We are in a good point stage in our lives. The only thing I guess I wasn't prepared for is the emotions. And that is one of the reasons I joined here cause I want to support her and I do support her.

So thanks everyone for responding. Soon she will texting cause its lunch time. I hope to see her tonight too.

Kmfesq : I wish I did have some advice, but the truth is that I started off very comfortable with that sort of thing after 15 years of habit, and have gotten more and more cautious in public. I do wish that hadn't happened, and we live in a super accepting area so I'm not even sure why I'm so paranoid, but I'm in the same boat with you.

StraightInLoveMTF : It's up to you to decide your own orientation, and "straight" may still be it, but you're clearly flexible enough to appreciate this wonderful woman. I'm so glad to hear a happy love story!

StraightInLoveMTF: Great to hear that things are going well between you two. it seems that you are pansexual like my girl (gender blind orientation). She doesn't fall for men or women but for personality (that is how she told me).
I know, tall girls are awesome. My girl is arround 180 cm and I'm 194cm. She has smoking hot long legs.

Julliett: that's just plain close mindedness. And that coming from a transgender pffff

We just moved in together!!! ~~~~~Well I guess in the process of..... spent our first night in our bed together..... we've had fun together but lived close to an hour away from each other and I have kids so I went home each time or she did because of work. Not anymore! Can't wait to come home to my honey after work!!!

Thanks everyone! We are very much happy And communication is huge. I probably communicate too much lol. Wish you all the best too. Love and happiness!

Quote from: Juliett on August 14, 2014, 03:08:08 AM
If you're straight, then you're gonna have to break up with her eventually.

And where does that come from?

Little presumptuous on your part.

Little more support.

Quote from: mrs izzy on August 22, 2014, 01:15:43 PM
And where does that come from?

Little presumptuous on your part.

Little more support.

You know, its funny, one moment, its bad to say something like that, then another moment, its bad to say otherwise. People in this community need to seriously make up their mind on just what story to stick with.  And if its flexible, then they definitely need to stop calling someone transphobic anytime someone suggests otherwise.  just sayin' 

Quote from: Jaime R D on August 22, 2014, 01:31:46 PM
You know, its funny, one moment, its bad to say something like that, then another moment, its bad to say otherwise. People in this community need to seriously make up their mind on just what story to stick with.  And if its flexible, then they definitely need to stop calling someone transphobic anytime someone suggests otherwise.  just sayin'

And i will ask you the same question

Where does that come from?

Nothing at all to do with the OPs post.

Transphobic?

I can see where she is coming from "straightinlovemtf" as if straightinlovemtf is pure straight and can't love women.

However Juliett says it in such a condescending way which is normally only found in transphobic non-transgenders. A friend said the same thing to me. Needless to say he's no longer a friend of mine.
Nobody can say that you need to break up with someone because of their orientation. I read stories from both homosexsual relationships that changed into heterosexual ones and the other way around. They may still identify as gay/straigth bit they love their SO more then their label. I for one don't care if I'm called gay because my girl is still offically a man. If my girl decides to detransition I will love her anyway and then a straight man will love a bi man.

My last GF was a straight woman, she'd never been with a woman at all before me. She told me she fell in love with me, the person, not me, a gender.

So it's perfectly possible for a straight woman to love a trans woman.

PS: You'be probably noticed I refer to her in the past tense, that's not because our relationship ended due to issues, it ended because she died.

Quote from: Juliett on August 14, 2014, 03:08:08 AM
If you're straight, then you're gonna have to break up with her eventually.

I think it would be wonderful for them to be able to stay together and mutually respect each other for who they are. I have held back on my desires as my wife is rather inflexible in her views. Wish she could be different.

That's horrible to hear Kelly. I wish you the best.