I haven't worn a bra for quite a long time. And I wanted to cosplay my friend's character because we have such similar body types, but it was a girl character, so boobs. So I put a bra on, just to take a picture for the cosplay, and it felt so very weird and bad. I felt so icky, and as soon as the picture was taken, I took it off as quickly as I could and put on a dress shirt and tie and went to shave to make myself feel better. I was a bit surprised, because it was such a strong reaction, I totally didn't see it coming. Thing is, I still feel a bit like I'm faking male, because I haven't started HRT yet, and I feel like I'm lying when I call myself a guy. But I'm definitely not a girl. I mean, I KNOW I'm a guy, but I FEEL like I'm an in-between thing.

The other thing that happened, was that I had a nightmare last night, that I was at college and got beat-up for going into the men's washroom. I was a transgender guy in the dream. And so maybe, that's my big fear about bathroom things, and college things. Because it'll be the first time I'm going into a place where I'll be known entirely as a guy. And I don't think I'll be very stealthy about it, just because I have a very VERY girlish body shape.

Anyways.
That is what happened to me this week.

That happened to me too. Actually, before I was even sure I was male as opposed to genderfluid, I tried to wear feminine clothes for one day. It felt awkward and uncomfortable as heck. It's like the more I move towards being who I am, the less I can stand the thought of going back. If that makes sense.
As for college, good luck. I started presenting as male when I started university, but hadn't started T yet and I still barely ever pass. People are pretty good about it though. They pretty much ignore me in the bathroom. I hope it goes as smoothly for you.

Yeah the bra thing bothered me, but it was more so when people saw me. This was just around the house though and the 3 sick visits I had to GP before top surgery.

Your not faking male. T doesn't magically make you male once you start taking it. It takes time and eventually the awkward phase goes away.

As for restrooms in college take some time to look around campus for gender neutral restrooms. Even my campus, which is in the stone ages regarding many LGBT, minority (ethnic and religious), and women's issue has like 4 that are accessible to all students. Now that is not including the dorms, but I don't live in the dorms, so that leaves me out of 2 more ones. The key is to plan your route from class to class and make pit stops as you can while trying to be relatively on time.

I will say this again: there are many cis guys that have a 'feminine' shape, ie softer, hips, moobs, etc.  Nobody mistakes them for women.  And even if someone does, they correct them.  So own who you are as male.  We may not have the ideal masculine bodies we dream about, but neither do a lot of cis guys.  You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why your body is at the other end of the bell curve of normal.

So glad you wrote this, Rawb. Since I finally figured out my 'label', my tastes in what I wear are changing quickly. 
I've been working hard on figuring out what clothing fits who I am vs. what clothing I think should be appropriate for my female body,(part of my new 'true to myself' mantra)
My visceral reaction that something is 'not right' to some of the stuff in my closet, stuff I've worn many times before, is surprising me. 

Since I'm pre-everything, including therapist, I'm surprised at how fast my brain is moving to transition me.  Not distressed about it. Just surprised at the easy change in mind set.  Since I have a lot of financial/family stuff to do before I move forward too far, I'm going to have to play neutral for a while, but I can see that getting tougher as time goes on.

College/University is a great place to start transitioning.  I have few items of clothing that are really female here so just thinking about wearing something that "saids" female is a big turn off.  I may have an actual bra somewhere in my apartment. Restrooms, one day last year I to attend a lecture in a building I hadn't been in before and walking over there realizes I should pee before the lecture.  I asked the security person for the restroom and she pointed me to the men's.  I was in the men's before I realized where I was.  Being short on time and not wanting to turn around and leave without peeing I went into a stall and sat down. Washed my hands and left; no one said anything to me.  About have way through the lecture I realized what I had done.  Today I only use the men's or unisex on campus.  There are no unisex in my area of campus where I spend most of my time on campus.

It feels a bit awkward using the mens, I get some funny looks, but it also feels really wrong and uncomfortable using the womens.
I can only think of one place in my entire town that have unisex facilities, and that's the Family changing room at the YMCA.

I am the very definition of pear-shaped. When I wear my binder, my bust and waist are almost exactly the same measurement, and my hips are a good 10 inches wider.

I've always felt sort of awkward in women clothing anyways, like "This is not right, this is awful", but the reaction has never been so intensely negative as it was this time. It was almost akin to a panic attack, like GET IT OFF GET IT OFF NOWW.

Quote from: Rawb on August 12, 2014, 04:24:30 PM

I am the very definition of pear-shaped. When I wear my binder, my bust and waist are almost exactly the same measurement, and my hips are a good 10 inches wider.

I'm the same shape, I've had surgery so no binder but my chest and waist are a 36....while my hips are a 44 (yet I wear 38 jeans? I dunno how that works but whatever) My chest was 44 before they got removed so I was actually hourglass, but the binder obviously squashed me into a pear shape....and now their gone my ass just looks so out of proportion 

When I first started college I didn't pass at all, but insisted I was a guy anyway. I remember in the admissions office the head of department asked me what I'd been doing for the past few years and I told him I was a stay at home dad. He gave me the weirdest look, it felt like the longest awkward silence in history. He was clearly looking at me thinking "....you meant mum...surely...." and waiting for me to correct myself; I just smiled and held his gaze until he finally moved on with the interview. I had many people in the class think I was a girl and act confused and embarrassed when I corrected them. It became a bit of a running joke, after the first maybe two weeks I had gotten to know everyone and they knew I was just a really fem looking guy rather than a butch lesbian. So if we went out to eat or to a shop and the staff referred to me as female everyone would give me a "hahaha it's happening again!" look and often someone else would end up correcting them.

I'm now in University about to go into my second year and right at the beginning of this new class some people did at first think I was a lesbian, a few admitted it to my face once we became friends, one quote that made me laugh, this was prefaced by a whole bunch of "I don't mean to offend you blah blah but..." "You know when we first started I thought you were a lesbian, I thought it was typical that the one girl in the class was a lesbian....but then I spoke to you and realised you were a bloke....it's a total sausage fest in here"

My point is....confidence really is a major factor in transitioning. Fake it til you make it is a legitimate strategy and college is probably the best place to do it, everyone there is in the process of "finding themselves" - just own it, you are a guy, it's not a lie to correct people and you don't have to offer any further explanation if you don't want to.

A few months before surgery I went to Pride in drag and blew the minds of everyone I knew it did feel very weird...and I didn't look anywhere near as hot as I thought I would hahahah. I was quite the looker before transitioning but T is definitely working it's magic. Everyone wanted me to do this years Pride in drag again but I really didn't want to, I would have had to buy fake boobs for the occasion and the thought of putting them on and wearing a bra all day after I'd fought so hard to get a flat chest seemed completely insane. It's funny because I thought I would enjoy doing drag more when I tipped more over to the male side, but it's lost some of it's appeal now.