You all have made me feel so much better, really. Thank you for welcoming here in such a way. I know I just came out and keyboard bombed this board with all sorts of worry, but I feel a bit better. I've read every single word of every one of your posts nothing went to waste. I'll keep checking back to see what else you ladies have to say. I'll try not to be a pest or all clingy, but as I said earlier, outside dad and sis, I have no one else, and while family is super important, sometimes random strangers in cyberspace can help just as much. Funny, that.

Oh, with respect to transition I am really trying to plan and be methodical here. My sister is so in my corner, my dad too. I have always felt the way I feel, but I never researched it (partly due to fear), and I ALWAYS lied to the shrinks that I have visited from childhood on. I can't hide it anymore.

I'm 43, 44 on Friday and just started transition so you ARE NOT OLD. 

Everyone says HRT takes a decade off anyway so I'll look 29 when I'm done, damn it all.

It is true about looking younger.

The skin reconditions and subcutaneous fat plumps out many facial wrinkles.

We don't have to fight gravity for as long with our new skin.

Quote from: Petti on August 12, 2014, 01:43:58 PM
You all have made me feel so much better, really.

:-)

Quote from: Petti on August 12, 2014, 01:43:58 PM
Oh, with respect to transition I am really trying to plan and be methodical here.

OK, think about this. You can start your transition now. Right now. This very minute. Here is how:

1. Hair - it grows at 12mm per month. To get any sort of reasonable length will take a year to 18 months so start growing it now, start looking after it, conditioning it and not getting it cut.

2. Skin - Go out and buy a good moisturiser and a pair of exfoliating gloves and start working on your skin. Exfoliate in the shower twice a week and put moisturiser on after every shower and before bed at night. If you are unsure how to do this then ask your sister or any other female.

3. Start looking after your nails. Let them grow a little longer, maybe 2 or 3 mm longer than you normally would. Start practising with an emery board

4. Voice - expect to take 3 to 6 months to start getting results. Go to YouTube and find CandiFla or go to the voice therapy section here and look for the "sticky".

Four small things that will cost you very little but will start to prepare you for the biggest mental change of all. Learning to care for your appearance and working at it. In a month or so you could move to other things but start with these and you know your transition has started.

One last piece of advice. Go slowly. Do not try to over plan it and do not try to complete your transition by next month. Go slowly, get comfortable with each change and let it become part of you before moving to the next. The other advantage is that going slowly lets your family adjust gradually as well so your transition will be easier for them.

Enjoy the journey, because it is a long one....

You're not old. I started HRT at 33 and haven't been misgendered (or able to back-pass successfully as a man) since six months in. I had to come out at work earlier than I planned b/c the HRT worked faster and more drastically than I expected. I'm not gorgeous - I wish I looked half as good as the college girls I see at work - but I look pretty normal for a woman my age.

It's so early, and you're so overwhelmed. I know it's hard, but don't try to tackle everything at once. You'll get there, and there's no reason to drive yourself literally crazy obsessing about all the details just yet. And just like cis girls in puberty, it's all gonna be mixed up emotionally and physically for a while, and you don't know precisely how you'll turn out. But it'll be OK.


(I've been examined by a gynecologist who couldn't tell, and my smell and taste are similar to cis women I've "known." I don't usually get this TMI with strangers, heh, but if you really wanna know... But please do keep in mind, as everyone's said, that there's a huge variation in vaginas and vulvas in the cis and trans population both.)

I started HRT on my 30th birthday and just like you I'm 5'11 with 18" wide shoulders, I wear size 10-11 in women's shoes & I even fit in a size 9 sandal that's a little tight but wearable. I use to wear 10 1/2-11 in mens shoes. I use to tell myself that I could never transition and that I'd always be a hideous woman. Mind you I was NOT a good looking guy at all. But now that I'm 8 months in on HRT I look pretty darn good and I don't get mis-gendered at all unless it's by a jack wagon who knew me before I came out. Confidence will come in time and the best you can do is be you in the process. I am nothing like I was during the first 4 months now. I'm incredibly confident and can go out alone anywhere, I can't stop talking most of the time because gasp I'm actually happy for once and not having to fake being happy The biggest thing for me has been work, I went full time a month ago and I ran into more than a few people who could not tell I was me until we were face to face with them staring me down. I look like any typical tall woman and my voice while not perfect or good enough in my own opinion gets talked about more than my looks. People weren't expecting me to have a fairly feminine sounding voice.

Start working on your voice like 5 minutes ago! Seriously I understand some transgender women chose to not work on their voice at all and use their male voice and are just happy with that or expect everyone to just be cool with that. Society on the other hand tends to judge us harshly when it comes to looks and how we sound. I didn't believe that until I met a transgender woman in person who you could never tell that she was trans. She was Asian, short & skinny as could be and cute as a button. I'd have never known so I know others never picked up on her appearance to out her. But she was always talking about how she get's mis-gendered all the time and deals with A LOT of crap when out in public. When she sat down and said "Hi girls" in a VERY deep voice, I was not the only one who cringed and that was the moment I knew how important our voice is in the large picture sense. I eventually chatter her up on Facebook when she was having a really bad time and gave her my honest opinion. She stressed so much on appearance that it never dawned on her that it was her voice that outted her every time. She started working on her voice and within 3 months had made a huge improvement and has rarely been mis-gendered now.

Wow, this stuff is pure gold. Hope you all don't mind if I just write.


What's gonna get me clocked is my hobbies. I cant help it, the manliest thing about me is I LOVE doing auto mechanics. Girls can turn wrenches too. I can see my neighbors now, "Is this chick changing a timing belt in her driveway?" That's a big job. My hands, sadly, bear the scars from years of mechanic work. Maybe some cocoa butter will help me along the way.

Thanks for sharing that in this thread, Jenna. Stuff like that makes me feel a lot better. In my dress, be it male or female, I am very plain and boring looking and I am fine with that. If hormones made my appearance plain and boring I would be fine with that as well. The issue with passibility for me is not based on some superficial want to be pretty like a girl in a mag, rather my want is an intense desire to be left alone. Let me put it very bluntly, and if I offend anyone, like, I am really, really sorry: I want to be seen simply as a girl. Not a trans girl, but a simple girl. In my humble opinion, the ONLY person in the world who I feel should be privy to my medical history is an intimate partner.

Aaggat those tips are invaluable. I hate cutting my hair. When I was growing up that one of the worst times ever was haircut time. It's funny - if I said I wanted hair like my sister (who only wore a ponytail) people were like "LOL no" but if I said I wanted hair like Steven Seagal it was a-okay. And thus some learn to code switch, almost as if through some evolutionary mechanism we filter femininity through masculine things to make this femininity palatable to the society that raises us.

That was a very fun read Megumi. I'd love to be able to get my foot into some size 9s. Looks wise, I guess I have been looking at myself for so long that I figure I could never look as feminine as I feel. I have dabbled with my voice and it's fun. I do love music and singing to myself, though. That should help me along the way.

Thanks for the input everyone *hugs*

edit for clarity

Quote from: Petti on August 12, 2014, 09:01:26 PM
Looks wise, I guess I have been looking at myself for so long that I figure I could never look as feminine as I feel. I have dabbled with my voice and it's fun. I do love music and singing to myself, though. That should help me along the way.

Petti, I am almost twice your age. I have similar measurements (although I'll warrant my chest measures slightly differently <grin>) and I started transitioning less than a year ago. I thought I could never look as feminine as I feel as well, but oddly enough, that idea seems to be melting away. These days, I see Ellie staring back at me from the mirror a lot more often than I used to, gotta tell ya girl, it feels pretty special. The best thing so far was, about a month or so after I started HRT, I started to feel like "me". I don't know how else to say it. I went for most of my life feeling like someone else was driving the bus, you know? Well... apparently she's awake now and she sings songs of love to me regularly.

(((hugs)))

Quote from: EllieM on August 12, 2014, 11:03:54 PM

Petti, I am almost twice your age. I have similar measurements (although I'll warrant my chest measures slightly differently <grin>) and I started transitioning less than a year ago. I thought I could never look as feminine as I feel as well, but oddly enough, that idea seems to be melting away. These days, I see Ellie staring back at me from the mirror a lot more often than I used to, gotta tell ya girl, it feels pretty special. The best thing so far was, about a month or so after I started HRT, I started to feel like "me". I don't know how else to say it. I went for most of my life feeling like someone else was driving the bus, you know? Well... apparently she's awake now and she sings songs of love to me regularly.

(((hugs)))

No matter what happens to me I'll remember stuff like the above quoted. I think part of my problem is that I am projecting my current reality onto that of the future. I am sure how I feel now is going to be much different than how I feel while on hormones. With regard to your reflection in the mirror, I must admit I harbor a bit of envy - I want to get to the point where the reflection I see in the mirror is more in tune with who I am on the inside. I bet you feel good indeed.

Thanks so much for your uplifting words. Same to all of you, really.

Petti, relax.

I'm 5 ft 10 inches tall, wear a size 12 women's shoe and was 54 when I started transition and am 56 now. I worried about so many things when I started including height.

Then one of my close female friends asked me if I was blind. I did a "huh?" like a deer caught in the headlights. She patiently reminded me that she is taller than me, that two other of my cisgender female friends are taller than me, that four of my cis friends are my height or just under my height, and that only 2 of my closest cis friends were shorter. Once I realized that she was right, I just sort of laughed at my worries. Then I began to notice all the tall women downtown working in office buildings. There were lots just below, at or even taller than me.

So don't sweat the height issue.

As for shoes, the right ones can be hard to find but check out various styles. You'll find that various types of heels can make the foot appear smaller but at the cost of even more height. Also how you dress can help minimize or maximize those things.

There are lots of taller women in the world, from Sigourney Weaver to Michelle Obama. Most models are 5 foot 8 to 6 foot in height.

So check out the Tall Women website. Some of the links there may be useful to you.

http://www.tallwomen.org/

Hobbies?

Really?



I still love my cars and airplanes, and now shoes!!! Shooooooes!!!!

Quote from: Petti on August 12, 2014, 09:01:26 PM
What's gonna get me clocked is my hobbies. I cant help it, the manliest thing about me is I LOVE doing auto mechanics.

I still rappel, fish, hike, camp out, well, everything I did before and no one has raised so much as an eyebrow. The lack of confidence in yourself outs you, nothing else.

Hey ladies, look, I'd love to post a pic of myself. I JUST took this like 10 mins ago. Be brutally honest, is what you see in this pic something good to work from? I mean be ultra honest (I promise you won't offend and I wont look down on anyone). I think my hands may be big, but someone told me one test to see if you have "man hands" is to see if you can palm a basketball. I cannot palm a b-ball. I have NEVER been able to do that and I just made an honest effort a few hours ago.

My biggest hurdle, I fear, is getting rid of a few tattoos I have, but tattoo removal SUCKS because it's not guaranteed to work and my skin is caramel colored which I hear makes removing them even harder. One thing I tried to do in a quest to be masculine was get the dumbest tattoos. I see so many nice tops but if they're short sleeves I can't get them because I have a tattoo of some silly skeleton ghost dual wielding friggin' scimitars, hehe. Also I *was* a pretty bad cutter, so my arms aren't the prettiest.

Anyway, here I am. Judging what what you girls have seen in your years of experience, How feminine can this man face get?:




ALSO: Thank you for that site, Liz.

You have a lot of potential with your face. You have all your hair, which is a blessing. (I don't so am stuck with wigs, unless the hair regrowth continues for several years.) You probably will want FFS as you have a very pronounced brow ridge. Don't get it ground down, get it set back properly with a Type III forehead restructuring. An FFS surgeon will also make other recommendations since they'll be able to see you from all angles and they also know which surgeries benefit which other surgeries. You'll also probably be told to do a rhinoplasty (nose job) to make the nose both more feminine and to fit it better with a reconstructed forehead.

But grow your hair out or at least get a wig similar to how you expect your hair to look, do a close shave, work on your makeup and show us what changes.

I'll also state that I'll bet HRT will impact your face as well, changing the fat distribution, thus changing the general shape.

As other's have said your first step should be to find a therapist that has experience with trans clients.  Not only can the therapist be your guide to transitioning, but also to help with the issues that are not directly trans related.  If you are feeling overwhelmed right now, this community is great for information, but it can not provide professional help to deal with the associated stresses of transitioning.  Starting therapy is the best thing I've done and I wish I would have done it years sooner.

There are so many variables involved that it is impossible to say how your face will turn out. HRT will make some changes but your attitude can make a huge difference.  Men trnd to look very serious, a bit grouchy, or a bit grumpy.  Women tend to look happier, smile more and that changes your face. After a while the muscles relax into new patterns and your face can change. Growing your hair will make a massive difference.  Plucking your eyebrows .... well wait until you try it

Then there is make up, jewellery and so on.

From the photo I would say that you have not got much to worry  about.  Give HRT a couple of years to do its stuff and see how it turns out, but mostly, it will be up to you

Petti. I'm 33 just came out a few months ago . I'm tall 6'3 size 12 in woman shoes. You do know there are tall girls as well with big feet? My advice and others will agree seek a therapist first. Take one thing at a time this is about you not anyone else. hit you tube and learn about been female an how to act.us late ones have missed a lot
best of luck with everything you will find answers and support from the lovely people on this site

It is not about looks. Looks are a curse.

Get thee to HRT. Or not. But the sooner the better if this is what you want. The longer you wait, the less time you will have looking good.

But it is not about looks.

Thanks for the input on the pic you all. As a matter of fact, Thanks for all the help in this thread!

I took my picture down not because of what site this is, but just because I don't really like pics of myself. Even in my house there is not one pic of me hanging up... my fam knows I hate it <3

Hopefully you all understand.

Hopefully you will like your results.

Amazing how much better people look when they are happy to be transitioning.