Quote from: Jess42 on August 16, 2014, 08:51:01 AM
Me either. I hate when people that were here and then disappear and leaves me wondering if they are OK. It would be nice if they would just to say, "Hey, I'm where I need to be so don't worry." And then just a little follow up every now and then. They should know women worry way more about their friends and if they are OK. God, I'm such a girl and way too emotional sometimes. I find myself actually worrying about people I don't even see face to face but just type to. Ok time for a micro meltdown.

Hey, just because it's text instead of speech doesn't somehow make the friendships and connections we have here less real. And I feel far better expressing myself through writing than if you had to hear my voice, which I HATE HATE HATE. lol.

But I feel the same. I think about the people who've disappeared, wonder and sometimes worry. Even the ones I didn't know but just saw around. Promise you won't ever disappear on me, Jess? *huggles you so you can't escape*

Actually I do feel that I have a responsibility, maybe debt is too strong.  People here saved my life.  If my experience, strength, and hope is useful to someonel, then I hope I am willing to share it.  I always gain more in return when that is how I live.

"I've been thinking about this lately. Do you find that many successful transitioners eventually lose interest in the community? That life for them has moved on?"

My initial reaction to this OP was, DUHHH...  Of course they have, why would they not?  After all, their goals have been met.  Then...I went on to read the comments and found some interesting "wrinkles" or points of interest.

Among those was the contrast in some of the reactions.  Many of the reactions seemed to take note that while "transition" was indeed a journey or a process, there was in fact an end to that journey/process.  There came a point where the goal of actually feeling normal had been reached.

Others, perhaps those who have not yet reached that point of just feeling/being "normal", have understandably different views, or even expectations.  Some seem to think that that much maligned and misunderstood concept of 'stealth' is the goal, or perhaps it is just "living as one's true self".  I don't know.  Maybe I am just splitting hairs, but I did notice that someone took note of the fact that because the "view", the perspective from the "other side" is so different tat it actually becomes difficult to communicate with those who have not yet managed to get across.

In my own personal experience which is necessarily much different from those here, I changed my physical sex in a time when there was no trans* or transgendered "community".  Yes there were clubs where drag queens entertained their mostly homosexual friends and fans...and there was even a new and blossoming organization, Tri-Ess, founded by a Dr. Charles Leroy Lowman, AKA Virginia Prince.  http://zagria.blogspot.com/2008/04/virginia-prince-1912-pharmacologist.html#.U--Limfn-RI.

My point in all this is that when I finally recovered from the physical trauma of SRS, I simply moved into "straight" society and was soon married and working on what was to become a successful career.  It was not until decades later that it even occurred to me to look around and see what might have happened to those who might have suffered from the same condition that I did.

What I found could and actually did fill a book.  It certainly was not what I had expected.  Perhaps that is why I have such difficulty sharing and communicating with some of the shall we say 'more established' denizens of this unicorn forest

Quote from: Pikachu on August 16, 2014, 11:14:22 AM
Hey, just because it's text instead of speech doesn't somehow make the friendships and connections we have here less real. And I feel far better expressing myself through writing than if you had to hear my voice, which I HATE HATE HATE. lol.

But I feel the same. I think about the people who've disappeared, wonder and sometimes worry. Even the ones I didn't know but just saw around. Promise you won't ever disappear on me, Jess? *huggles you so you can't escape*

I wont hon. Yeah texts sometime is no less important than talking face to face. I'll always be here just in case someone can learn from my experience and keep from doing some of the things I though about doing.

Yeah it kind of hurts but we have Jennygirl, Jessica Merriman, Cindy and all the others that keep us in line and informed that could have been long gone. But no they choose to stay here and volunteer their time and so on to help the rest of us. Not to mention the others like Stephaniec and OMG xenguy, Kelly the trans rebel and all the other's I didn't mention but love nonetheless that are here and could easily go stealth. Thank you all. My eternal gratitude. Especially for Jessica for not banning me. Just kidding though.

I just worry too much sometimes and care a little too much some times and did I mention worry? So no I won't leave and Pikachu better not either. Pinky promise? If I was to go Full SRS tomorrow or if some freakin' miracle that I pray for every night along with all the others here on this sight and wake up full female tomorrow. I'll still be here. I pray for our brothers too. But for some reason it never works. Maybe those that come and go, it works on. Or I hope anyway. God, I'm so sensitive. I got tears in my eyes now. I'm such a girl. that makes me feel a little better though.

Interesting responses.

Let me ask what your thoughts are about this - If you are successful in transition, are you really "free" if you remain tethered to the mothership?

Quote from: Jess42 on August 16, 2014, 12:01:34 PM
I wont hon. Yeah texts sometime is no less important than talking face to face. I'll always be here just in case someone can learn from my experience and keep from doing some of the things I though about doing.

Yeah it kind of hurts but we have Jennygirl, Jessica Merriman, Cindy and all the others that keep us in line and informed that could have been long gone. But no they choose to stay here and volunteer their time and so on to help the rest of us. Not to mention the others like Stephaniec and OMG xenguy, Kelly the trans rebel and all the other's I didn't mention but love nonetheless that are here and could easily go stealth. Thank you all. My eternal gratitude. Especially for Jessica for not banning me. Just kidding though.

I just worry too much sometimes and care a little too much some times and did I mention worry? So no I won't leave and Pikachu better not either. Pinky promise? If I was to go Full SRS tomorrow or if some freakin' miracle that I pray for every night along with all the others here on this sight and wake up full female tomorrow. I'll still be here. I pray for our brothers too. But for some reason it never works. Maybe those that come and go, it works on. Or I hope anyway. God, I'm so sensitive. I got tears in my eyes now. I'm such a girl. that makes me feel a little better though.

Awww... *gives you a gentle hug and lets you cry on her shoulder*

Don't worry, sis, I doubt I'll ever leave. Certainly not because I've "moved on" in regards to transition, because that isn't the reason I'm staying to begin with. To me, this is a family, not just a support group. I come here because I enjoy my family's company. There are so many great people here. And I also want to help my family when I can.

"Free" of what? Serious question; I'll never be free of anything in my past, really. I'm also never going to be free of my college or teaching careers as long as I stay friends with people I met then, or of my political blog as long as I stay in touch with some of the people who worked for me, or of my political work in general as long as I keep freelancing at it. I don't see cutting ties with my past as a goal, I guess. I don't mind mentoring new teachers, and I don't mind mentoring new trans people; in neither case does it mean I feel like I still *belong* to the teaching profession or in-transition state. I pick up friendships and connections at every stage in my life, and staying in contact doesn't mean I'm locked into that stage forever.

That's just how I see it, I'm not saying anyone else has to feel the same way, but I never sought stealth or secrecy or total escape from being trans. That said, more and more I prefer to limit my involvement in trans issues to times when I consciously chose to start the conversation, as it were - I am looking for a new job for unrelated reasons but won't out myself when hired, and don't especially want to be the diversity coordinator in people's lives in general. Which is kind of another reason I'm here : it allows me to feel less guilty about being less and less visible as trans in meatspace. The more my past disappears from memory and I fade into the woodwork in my real life, the more I feel like I need to do my duty by the community somehow. But again, that's just me.


(I quit teaching in 2003, for the curious.)

Quote from: Evelyn K on August 16, 2014, 12:05:02 PM
Interesting responses.

Let me ask what your thoughts are about this - If you are successful in transition, are you really "free" if you remain tethered to the mothership?

Why not? It's not like I'm on this forum because it's some substitute for something else in my life. After I've transitioned, I'll be a transitioned woman sitting at her computer rather than a male-bodied woman sitting at her computer, hehe. I don't plan on suddenly living a radically different life. It'll just be the same ol' same ol' but without hating my body.

Quote from: Susan522 on August 16, 2014, 12:00:54 PM
"I've been thinking about this lately. Do you find that many successful transitioners eventually lose interest in the community? That life for them has moved on?"

My initial reaction to this OP was, DUHHH...  Of course they have, why would they not?  After all, their goals have been met.  Then...I went on to read the comments and found some interesting "wrinkles" or points of interest.

Among those was the contrast in some of the reactions.  Many of the reactions seemed to take note that while "transition" was indeed a journey or a process, there was in fact an end to that journey/process.  There came a point where the goal of actually feeling normal had been reached.

Yeah I agree lol it was more of lead-in to what my inward thinking was. That if you are successful in transition, then you've walked over the bridge. There isn't much reason to come back after healing. That question of, "is this what successful transition is" - a permanent change to a new normal. If looking or reaching backwards reconnects you to what was not normal. Then is it "successful".

After transition one's past doesn't vanish, it's still there and always will be. Some prefer to disappear into the woods never to be seen or heard from again, but personally I don't consider transition to ever be over until we cease to exist because as long as we're here on this planet there is something new and interesting to be discovered about ourselves and those around us. I continue to come here to share some of my own insights with others so that they don't have to continually reinvent the wheel. I can offer encouragement to some and solace to others rather than divorce myself from this community and disavow my own background within that same community that lifted me up on many occasions. Life is about more than just me.

Quote from: Pikachu on August 16, 2014, 12:12:58 PM
Awww... *gives you a gentle hug and lets you cry on her shoulder*

Don't worry, sis, I doubt I'll ever leave. Certainly not because I've "moved on" in regards to transition, because that isn't the reason I'm staying to begin with. To me, this is a family, not just a support group. I come here because I enjoy my family's company. There are so many great people here. And I also want to help my family when I can.

Awww....Thank you *gives a tight hug and cries on your shoulder*.

Yeah. I'm kind of down right now. Actually I am at rock bottom right now. I'll never move on either. I think even after everything, I'll still be here just to help anyone that needs it. Not because I need god Karma or making amends but just to help others and hopefully make a difference in someone's life or let them see that being tans isn't Taboo.

Quote from: Shantel on August 16, 2014, 12:35:14 PM
After transition one's past doesn't vanish, it's still there and always will be. Some prefer to disappear into the woods never to be seen or heard from again, but personally I don't consider transition to ever be over until we cease to exist because as long as we're here on this planet there is something new and interesting to be discovered about ourselves and those around us. I continue to come here to share some of my own insights with others so that they don't have to continually reinvent the wheel. I can offer encouragement to some and solace to others rather than divorce myself from this community and disavow my own background within that same community that lifted me up on many occasions. Life is about more than just me.

God Shantel, you are so right. And yeha the day we stop learning is the day we are dead.

it's only a simple click away how can you not sneak a peek

But do I want to sneak a peak. And firing up all those old emotions... That's a good question. At least for me.

Quote from: Evelyn K on August 16, 2014, 12:47:43 PM
But do I want to sneak a peak. And firing up all those old emotions... That's a good question. At least for me.

Fear of having perky nipples can be overwhelming for some!  Oh I'm bad today, you'll have to forgive me hon! 

I have seen things, you people wouldn't believe....

We luv ya Shan.

Quote from: Evelyn K on August 16, 2014, 01:30:20 AM
That eventually even Evelyn might just fade into the woodwork.

I don't see it as "fading into the woodwork".  More like "riding off into the sunset".  Sounds a bit more romantic to me somehow.

But seriously I could see myself withdrawing from forums some day, though I don't think I'd ever quit seeing the trans friends I have.  A lot of times I get tired of thinking so much about trans issues.  Maybe some day I'll get thoroughly sick of it and stop doing it altogether.  I'm not sure when that day will come, though.  Just today I came to a bit of self-understanding on two fairly important points.

So I think that as long as I have things I need to learn, I'll stick around, keep my iron in the fire, so to speak.  And I do learn things from other people.  It's a help to me to see other people's thinking on various issues.

Though one thing that bothers me there is that lots of times we transpeople get involved in a fair bit of squabbling over this or that issue.  I get fairly annoyed with that, mainly because lots of times I think we're discussing issues where there's no real right or wrong.  It's simply a question of how you personally approach things or sometimes what your own personal needs happen to be.  I really don't like squabbles, and I generally try to stay out of them. 

I've always stayed out of the "community" for the most part. For years, I wouldn't even go on a trans forum, but after the mainstream forum I liked so much closed down, I turned to this site for the need I had to interact online, y'all just happen to be a little more like me than most in the other forum was. I've really not turned to this for support, but a few special people have been quite supportive of me as I flit about on the fringe during the three years I've been around.


As for support in real life, I've had a little from family, but for the most part, I've done without, I even stopped therapy more than 8 years ago.

"That question of, "is this what successful transition is" - a permanent change to a new normal. If looking or reaching backwards reconnects you to what was not normal. Then is it "successful".
"

I really do not feel comfortable, or even qualified to define or try to determine what is "normal".    I will leave that to others.  A commonly accepted definition can be found here: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/normal.

Just like 'normal' is what normal does, I think, as many here have said, normal for each individual is IMHO, what works for them.  The problems seem to arise when that definition of normal that might work for one individual, just might not work for others.  Result?  Squabbles.  And yes.  Those squabbles do get tiresome.

I would hate to be 'normal'.   Despite all the bull->-bleeped-<-, i like being trans and the edge it gives me.  That being said i concur with the others in the sense that i am not expecting to transition and sail away into a new world and be a new person, rather i will still be me with girly upgrades.