Hello everyone! Not really sure if this is where this goes but I really need help so I'm gonna take a guess! Anyway, I've been kinda confused about my gender identity for a while. I am extremely feminine. I love makeup and clothes and pink sparkles and things that are traditionally 'female' but I don't identify as female. In fact, I'm sure I'm not female! But then my mom constantly tells me I'm overthinking things and that I am female and just thinking too hard and it confuses me. I'm not like my other FTM friends who are all really masculine so that makes me feel self conscious. I'm beginning to question things about myself a lot more too and getting really depressed over nothing. Is there anyone who has experienced the same thing possibly?

hey there!
it's totally fine to like "traditionally feminine" things and still identify as FTM. transitioning is mostly about body dysphoria and less about masculinity vs. femininity. also if you don't feel like you identify as either male or female, there are plenty of nonbinary identities, and that's totally ok too!
personally, i like a lot of feminine things as well, but i am still hoping to medically transition and whatnot. that doesn't mean that i'm really a girl or less or a boy or anything.
(sorry, i hope this makes sense. feel free to talk to me if you have any questions!)

Hi, and welcome!

I'd like to echo what Ryan said... and to also add that it's not just trans* guys who have varied interests... cis guys have a variety of different likes & dislikes too. If you think about it, cis guys come in all sorts of varieties from the hyper-masculine, sport-loving, beer-swilling type... to extremely feminine, sport-loathing, wine-drinking type (and everything in between). All of these guys are men because they identify as men, irrespective of their individual tastes.

Me? I identify as male, I present 100% as male, I live full-time as a man in every area of my life... and I love nail polish and high heeled shoes. And I hate beer and find most sports (especially football) boring. Big hairy deal.

So take your time and work it out. The important thing is to understand how you identify, not to focus on individual things that you like or dislike. The clothes do not make the man.

Quote from: sempai on August 13, 2014, 09:45:13 PM
Hello everyone! Not really sure if this is where this goes but I really need help so I'm gonna take a guess! Anyway, I've been kinda confused about my gender identity for a while. I am extremely feminine. I love makeup and clothes and pink sparkles and things that are traditionally 'female' but I don't identify as female. In fact, I'm sure I'm not female! But then my mom constantly tells me I'm overthinking things and that I am female and just thinking too hard and it confuses me. I'm not like my other FTM friends who are all really masculine so that makes me feel self conscious. I'm beginning to question things about myself a lot more too and getting really depressed over nothing. Is there anyone who has experienced the same thing possibly?

A trans guy I know is fond of pointing out that people who are not transgender, pretty much NEVER think about your gender. The fact that we ruminate about it and feel dissatisfied is a VERY GOOD INDICATOR that something is going on in the gender department.

And your mom? AHEM, but what does she know on the subject? Who made her a gender expert? How many FtMs has she known?

Finally, and most important, it's OK for a guy to like make-up and clothes and pink sparkles. That has nothing to do with your gender and everything to do with your personal preferences.

You are not getting depressed over nothing. Gender is IMPORTANT and we feel, so so so so much better when we get it right (trust me on that one).

Lots of MtF's I know love masculine stuff, big trucks, shooting guns, laying drywall, etc. That's the kind of women they are. And many, many, many FtMs like pink sparkly stuff, though they might not talk much about it.

It's OK to be who you are.

Good luck. I really hope this helps.

I'm probably the most feminine guy I know. I spent an hour today looking at shar pei puppies because oh man, the wrinkles. They look like crumpled sweaters and they are so snorgly I just want to smush their faces up and cuddle them. I also knit and I currently have lavender hair. I just had top surgery and pass as a guy. It's fine to enjoy what you enjoy. Don't worry too much about stereotypes. Just be yourself and take your time in figuring yourself out

Quote from: sempai on August 13, 2014, 09:45:13 PM
Hello everyone! Not really sure if this is where this goes but I really need help so I'm gonna take a guess! Anyway, I've been kinda confused about my gender identity for a while. I am extremely feminine. I love makeup and clothes and pink sparkles and things that are traditionally 'female' but I don't identify as female. In fact, I'm sure I'm not female! But then my mom constantly tells me I'm overthinking things and that I am female and just thinking too hard and it confuses me. I'm not like my other FTM friends who are all really masculine so that makes me feel self conscious. I'm beginning to question things about myself a lot more too and getting really depressed over nothing. Is there anyone who has experienced the same thing possibly?

Dude, I'm the same way.  Sometimes I wonder if I really am FtM since I'm so feminine and comfortable socially, but I just don't want to have a female body.  Heck, I was one of those kids who came to school in princess dresses every day when I was little...

some People feel that their gender and body are wrong and it is easy for them to figure it out. For others with conflicting issues, it becomes a real struggle to figure things out.

Before I realized I was trans* I was a feminine man and I was okay with it. But after realizing, everything became confusing. My thoughts went like this: Am I really a girl?, but I don't feel like a girl. I don't feel like a man either. My body is definitely off. I like women though, does that make me a lesbian?... and on it went.

So who am I? I am an androgynous Male-to-Female pansexual. But that's if your interested in labels.
The way I see it

I am androgynous so my gender doesn't matter.
I am pansexual so my sexuality doesn't matter.
I am MTF and the only people who need to know that is my partner and my doctor. For everyone else it doesn't matter.

So then I am a loveable, caring person who likes to make friends with all kinds of people.

Keep asking questions. You will eventually find answers.

I agree with what the others have said. Gender identity is not the same as gender stereotypes. Cis men can like feminine things. Trans men can be too.

hmm, well there is someone you remind me of, who i'm sure is pretty different. but maybe he will help you feel better:

http://teeveedinner.tumblr.com/tagged/me

I'm very masculine in a lot of ways, but I had a hard time identifying as ftm even after realizing that was a thing, because my traits didn't all add up to what I thought a man had to be. I do like a lot of "girly" stuff, and I'm nurturing, and I like boys, and I like androgyny, and I'm not into football, etc. The key detail you mentioned is that you are sure you aren't female. I used to live as a female who felt internally male even with pink pajamas and coconut hair conditioner, and now I live as a male who feels internally male even with pink pajamas and coconut hair conditioner.

Don't let anybody talk you into thinking your identity is the result of your overthinking things. Thought and research is important before making major changes, but who you are is who you are. No cisperson had to think this hard to know their gender.

In the end its more of a bodily issue than anything else for most of us (MtF here  )

Ive tried explaining it to cis people like this: "Apart from gender role..what would you do or feel if your body became masculine/feminine overnight?"

For me that has always been my core feeling, its the body I saw that I loathed so much, I imagined a femme body but couldnt see it. While I am pretty femme genderwise its not as important as my body issues being resolved

Wow thanks everyone! I definitely feel more comfortable now in my identity and I'm going to try my hardest to male my mom understand! Seriously, thank you all so much!! <3

a lot of dysphoria might be related to hormone receptors in the brain, and internal body map. wrong hormone levels will make you feel miserable, and wrong body parts will make you feel miserable. there are disorders that will make people cut off a leg or other limb, probably because it isn't internalized properly in the brain, because the people doing it are completely sane apart from not identifying with that one limb. there are also people born with too few fingers, lost their arm, and suddenly got phantom sensations of a fully developed hand with five fingers.

some times, what the brain thinks you should have, and how the body turns out, just aren't the same. the result is misery and a need to change. but it has nothing to do with how much you like pink dresses.

->-bleeped-<- is a disorder, in the sense that something is out of order. but it's not a mental disorder, there is something rather physical that is wrong with the body, according to your brain, on a level that is way deeper than your everyday thought patterns. some might insist the wrong is in the brain, but... the body can be changed a whole lot, but the brain can't, so i really don't see any reason why people shouldn't fix their body so the brain can recognize it as "right". i don't even find it weird that a man, who's a man in every traditional sense of the word, might want a vagina instead of a penis. or if a girl wants a male body.

the trans spectrum is probably more 3d than 2d. at least it's most certainly not just a line between ultimate male and female, where you find your place somewhere in between. finding the right mix of hormones and/or body parts can be anything from relatively easy to almost completely impossible.

just some odd thoughts.

and just to add some more odd thoughts. did you ever wonder a whole lot about how you might be a monkey, but your very human habits made you think that maybe you're not a monkey after all? cis people usually don't wonder if they're trans, just like humans usually don't wonder if they're actually some other species. unless they were raised by monkeys and suddenly realized they were human upon meeting one, but that's just a fictional work, i think. i do wonder about kids raised by wolves though.

with such a huge life changing decision you will always have some doubt. when I first realize I wanted to be a female I was super confused as well for many of the same reason you were. I was the captain of my football team in high school and I love sports. i am definitely not that feminine, but like everyone else has said  it doesnt matter how masculine or feminine you are.

im guessing a whole lot of trans people would tell you that they were very confused and many would say that they had doubts. nobody can tell you if you are or aren't trans. that's your journey good luck with your journey!

I honestly still struggle a bit about transition because of the things I've forced on myself to fit the male role. I mean, if you asked anyone I know they probably wouldn't be able to pinpoint any gender-specific qualities about me except that I can be pretty stoic. The difference is that I'm not lacking emotionality the way that testosterone makes you. I'm very easily bothered or moved by things, but I'm also afflicted by autism which makes me more reserved in how I express myself. If I was biologically female my personality probably wouldn't be that much different. Instead of sitting in one spot holding everything in I might run off somewhere. But there's really nothing inside that relates to or agrees with the typical male.

I don't put any weight in personal interests being indicative of masculinity or femininity. Sure, liking football might be more of a man's thing while romantic comedies might be a girl thing, but I know plenty of women who love football (my grandmother included) and one of my best guy friends loves rom coms. I grew up watching science fiction and horror, and listening to progressive rock, and both of those are usually associated as male interests, but those things have clearly become less and less the case.

So, it really all comes down to that intuitive knowing, and it's nearly impossible to try to explain to anyone. Gender just isn't defined by what strikes your fancy. Your brain is just wired a particular way and there's no escaping it. You simply know that you are male or female (or somewhere in between, or neither). Having a body that doesn't match, and having lived according to that biological gender for so long, gets in the way of knowing what to do about it...until it doesn't.

If I don't transition I'd probably survive, but I'd struggle, and that's something I don't want to do anymore. Whatever the results are, at least I'll finally be comfortable expressing myself the way I want. I suppose I could, anyway, but it wouldn't translate well, and I'm sick and tired of male pronouns.

Really your interests and what you prefer play nothing into wether or not you are ftm

Im a very girly ftm myself. I enjoy cute things and i knit and i like pink. And because of that i had doubts i was male. The only thing i was miserable about was my body not my interests. It wasnt till later i realized i didnt have to choose between my feminine side and being a man. You can have both. And now im on testosterone and nothings changed in tegard to my being feminine.

I hope my experience can help shed some light on yours.