I'm ready to start on HRT, I have the letter of recommendation from a therapist and the plan is to see Dr Richard Curtis (although open to any alternative suggestions/endocrinologists). However I've been holding it off because my issue at the moment is I'm still living at home, and my mother (who I am out to) while supportive of how I feel, is against me making any physical changes, i.e. hormones or surgeries. I'm not in a position to move out yet, so I'm wondering what advice anyone has on if I could transition in secret (like staying in my current androgynous-guy mode and trying to hide changes from hormones while I'm at home) and if anyone else has done it, or as an alternative would I be able to discuss with a doctor the option of starting on just anti-androgens for now until my situation improves?

Whatever happens I know I can't live under the influence of testosterone anymore and things will only get worse if I wait longer. I'm 19 now and while I'm well past puberty, there are still ongoing changes I don't want to allow (i.e. muscle development, some hair growth that I've fortunately been lucky with thus far), and I really want to start sooner rather than later especially when I know it's not something that's going to improve or go away.

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Any questions about my situation as well feel free to ask. Thanks.

Hi!

Firstly, welcome to Susan's Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

Normally I would advocate communication and honesty but that would depend on how much and why your mother is against you taking HRT. Is it that she doesn't understand how it works, why you feel you need to take it, or some other reason. It's not uncommon for even supportive parents to be hesitant about their child going on hormones, it means change...but change to what exactly?

During my first attempt at transition I was still living with my folks when I started HRT, I wasn't out to them and I certainly didn't let them know what I was taking. I moved out after about six months. The effects of HRT probably aren't really noticeable for at least six months and depending on what clothes you wear the effects can be hidden for at least another six but it's pretty obvious something is up.

So I guess you could take HRT and not tell her, but how is she going to react when she finds out you've been going behind her back on this?

Anyway, best of luck.

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Cheers

Grace

Changes on hormones do not happen all that quickly. you would probably have about 6 months before they get noticeable enough to require explanation. Would 6 months give you enough time to move out?

Anti-androgens can be dangerous as you need sex hormones for your health, either E or T. Perhaps start on AAs with a very low dose of E to give you protection from T whilst protecting your health?

Quote from: ElectricButterfly on August 19, 2014, 04:56:06 AM
I'm 19 now and while I'm well past puberty, there are still ongoing changes I don't want to allow (i.e. muscle development, some hair growth that I've fortunately been lucky with thus far),

Well then, do not do any muscle building exercises and you will not get muscles

Only you know the effect gender dysphoria will have on you.

For me, I know that delaying my transition would have made me, very, very unhappy.

A lot of other people here would say the same.

I'm concerned that your mother doesn't want you to move your physical transition ahead. Has she been educated on why we need to transition and the effects of delaying transition on us? Or does she just think this is some flight of fancy?

Unless she has some philosophical or religious objection (I hope not - then it gets more complicated) wouldn't she WANT what's best for you rather than standing in your way? I'm a parent and I wouldn't want my children (one of whom is your age) to be unhappy. Would she be willing to have a session with your therapist so he can explain why this is so important?

Once you've heard her out and satisfied yourself that you're not missing something that she sees, at some point you're going to have to make your own decision about what's best for you. Regardless of where you live, you are an adult and are entitled to make decisions about your own body.

Thanks for the welcome and responses everyone

Quote from: Ms Grace on August 19, 2014, 05:27:39 AM
Is it that she doesn't understand how it works, why you feel you need to take it, or some other reason. It's not uncommon for even supportive parents to be hesitant about their child going on hormones, it means change...but change to what exactly?

Quote from: suzifrommd on August 19, 2014, 06:50:44 AM
I'm concerned that your mother doesn't want you to move your physical transition ahead. Has she been educated on why we need to transition and the effects of delaying transition on us? Or does she just think this is some flight of fancy?

Unless she has some philosophical or religious objection (I hope not - then it gets more complicated) wouldn't she WANT what's best for you rather than standing in your way? I'm a parent and I wouldn't want my children (one of whom is your age) to be unhappy. Would she be willing to have a session with your therapist so he can explain why this is so important?

She doesn't know too much about it, she sees it more as a lifestyle choice and for the hormones/physical side of transitioning she's quite focused on the idea of it carrying health risks and that it would do more harm than good. She believes it's possible to live my life as I am and feel how I do, just so long as it isn't acted on and hormones/surgeries aren't involved. It's partly religious and a disapproving view of it as a "lifestyle", but partly genuine worry and concern about the affects and problems that could occur from it.

As for speaking with my therapist, I might try and consider that...it's hard to approach her about this and she kind of doesn't seem to want to be involved, but she does need a better understanding.

Quote from: aaggat on August 19, 2014, 05:31:54 AM
Changes on hormones do not happen all that quickly. you would probably have about 6 months before they get noticeable enough to require explanation. Would 6 months give you enough time to move out?

I'm not sure at the moment, I've been planning to move out for a while but it's a bit difficult. I don't have anyone else I could live with and I know if I had to set myself up with a place to live I wouldn't be able to afford to transition as well. Staying at home gives me the opportunity to save up as much as I can, but it means either waiting until I have enough money to both move out and transition, or starting now in secret but then having to explain it to her when the changes become noticeable.

Want to take this moment to welcome you into the family.

My advice is to live for yourself and others will either walk along with you on your path or take a fork in the road.

We as humans are supposed to live a life of ours. We as social humans what to always please someone.

You can transition and also be a human and social human. Just those socially around us has to also respect us for being human.

I know its hard being we love and respect our parents, but that also has to go both ways.

RESPECT, for yourself first.

Always walk you path in the light of happiness.

Hi, I think you need to talk with you mom regarding the HRT, she needs to know why do you needed, what kind of changes and the risks you will take, also what kind of protection will you have, and how other peoples deals with it, I think she will learn and the things will be better, she is scared of how is going to affect your life, but if you show her the information she might change her mind.

as Mrs Izzy told you Respect yourself and let other respect you too

Be happy, in this life the most important person is you, we need to learn that, been happy doesn't mean to be a prisoner.

Regards.

Noticeable changes are likely to have happened within 6 months - it's a little different for everybody, of course....But a woman I know had different facial structure, fat distribution, and C cup breasts after about 7 months on E.

Yeah, I'll be another to chime in with my cautionary tale (though I do feel for you and wish you luck). I was a C cup at 4 months on HRT, and ended up having to tell a bunch of people sooner than I intended because of it. That's not a common result, but I warn everyone who's planning on hiding indefinitely that sometimes the changes will out you eventually.

I am but still at the begin, so yeah I will suggest you to do it and then move out, you can cover everything really... Maybe just don't get a facial hair removal yet so that you can look a little bit masculine... and you really don't get muscle if you don't exercise

It seems you are dependent on your mother & family. Try to talk more with your mother so she knows that you are her daughter & that you need her help with your life. Maybe try to be the best daughter you can be with her. Maybe just maybe she will see her daughter in you & then help you with HRT as soon as possible as you change & improve. Your mother will be so important to you in life so please try to understand her more & ask her to understand you more. Good luck.