Hi Berliegh
Did you get the licence plate number? It might have been a low flying aircraft or maybe a meteorite from outerspace. Next time bring your tin umbrella with you."hee, hee." Just kidin.

Kidding aside though, I certainly didn't feel like it was a blessing before I transitioned and maybe it is a blessing but back then it felt more like a curse. But after i made up my mind and went ahead and transitioned. I found myself being grateful that for once in my life It felt like the most  right decision I have ever made. I quite enjoy being a girl. The most amazing part is how one changes on how one feels and think and the way we do things is much different. The only thing I feel sorry for is that I wish I would have done it much sooner in my life.

Cindy 

Dear Wing Walker - I'm glad if my words offered comfort.  I have guilt, though, if anyone takes my words as a reason or argument in favor of transitioning.  Being a post op TS, for me, has not stopped my feelings self-doubt.  But I know I'm prone to being suspicious and that trait can seal my fate - always questioning - on the slippery slope of life. 

They say that "happiness is freedom from want."   Wanting stuff is characteristic of mankind.  We always seem to be unsatisfied, often by jealousy of what our neighbor, coworker or star in the news has.  And yet, I know I've bought things and then wondered why I bought them.  So it's not unusual in me that I'd doubt why I bought transsexualism. 

Many or even most days, I feel good that I've been able to transition.  It's often a little thing that makes me happy.  When I first transitioned, I was amazed at how the male guards at the gate began talking to me.  Before, I had just been a moving mass, not worthy of looking towards when I passed by the gate.  Now, suddenly, I was a person.  I've heard F2M's complain about the opposite:  That they become non-entities when they "become" men.  Suddenly people stop noticing them.  It's a strange phenomenon.

I guess I haven't considered medical science for transitioning to be such a blessing because it came so late in my life (I'm 55).  The internet also came late in my life.  Like so many others, I would have transitioned younger if I'd known transsexualism existed (I had felt like I was the only one for a LONG time).  And then, once I found out it existed, there was the long trauma (10 years worth) and guilt of causing torment to my spouse of 21 years.  Kind of hard to feel "blessed" when you're causing someone huge trauma.  And now she's gone.  Another non-blessing.

So I have to date and reveal IT to anyone who might be my next soulmate.  And then they walk away.  And I'm told by others that it simply proves that they didn't deserve me.  They didn't appreciate me.  Yeah, I know there's plenty of good in me.  Good that, given a chance, someone would cherish.  But my "label" shoooes them away.  Yeah, some blessing.

But then someone treats me gently, as they would any woman, because society (in its better circles) has a rule:  "Be kind to women and children -- never hurt them."  I have no idea why society doesn't circulate the rule that men should be kind to men also but it doesn't.  If it did, maybe there would be less wars.  Maybe male kids wouldn't think it's their place to lord over other male kids.  I realize that some of this is NATURE but I feel NURTURE is at least half-responsible for man's aggression against man.  Men in a Muslim crowd see other men waving their guns in the air and they do likewise, thinking it's appropriate.  It's not.

You would think men would fight against their being stereotyped as rough and tumble fighters.  But society won't let them.  It would be considered too passively sissy.  Did I transition because I hated the stereotype role that men are expected to play?  Honestly, there are times I'm uncertain.

But nothing is perfect.  Today's younger women, in some circles, are more accepting of violence between women.  As those lines between gender dissolve, I ponder the future will bring.  Will women die of heart attacks earlier?  Will more women end up in jail?  Will bigotry against women in the workplace dissipate? 

Will the advancement of women's liberation also include liberation for men?  These days, need I point out, softer gentler men are considered "less manly."  This opinion is no "blessing" for men.  It makes their life harsher -- many men, despite their macho protests, may in reality not want that.  Many would prefer to be "gentle"men rather than having to accept the admonition from parents to "get tough."

Thus, in my opinion, neither males or females or transsexuals have totally "blessed" or "cursed" lives.  There are advantages and disadvantages to all sides... 

One day, the deck seems stacked against you.  And the next day, life can be a wonder.

Teri Anne

Dear Teri Anne,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply.  You've sent me more grist for the thought mill.  Lots more.

When I transitioned I went out wherever I pleased and feared nothing,  I didn't tempt fate but I didn't look for "T-friendly" businesses.  If they wanted my money, they had to treat me like a customer.

Going full time was pretty easy for me.  Other than tripping on the exit stair of a city bus and landing without a hair out of place, all went fine.  I showed my badge and chatted the guards as I usually did.  All went well.  Outside of the guard force I got on much better with other women thank I did with men.  I found most turned even more narrow-minded and bb-brained than they had always been.

Quote from: Teri Anne on September 18, 2007, 09:46:24 PM
Dear Wing Walker - I'm glad if my words offered comfort.  I have guilt, though, if anyone takes my words as a reason or argument in favor of transitioning.  Being a post op TS, for me, has not stopped my feelings self-doubt.  But I know I'm prone to being suspicious and that trait can seal my fate - always questioning - on the slippery slope of life. 

They say that "happiness is freedom from want."   Wanting stuff is characteristic of mankind.  We always seem to be unsatisfied, often by jealousy of what our neighbor, coworker or star in the news has.  And yet, I know I've bought things and then wondered why I bought them.  So it's not unusual in me that I'd doubt why I bought transsexualism.

If I feel any guilt it's because I didn't live alone instead of  marrying three times.  I knew who I was way back then (I'm 56 next month) and I should have lived by myself, but I bought into what I believed society expected of me.  I looked like a particular role so I played it with no children (thankfully!) as I tried to explain to my exs what I needed, how it felt, what they could do to help me live my truth, and why.

I had no takers.  And I feel no guilt because I have no accusers.

QuoteMany or even most days, I feel good that I've been able to transition.  It's often a little thing that makes me happy.  When I first transitioned, I was amazed at how the male guards at the gate began talking to me.  Before, I had just been a moving mass, not worthy of looking towards when I passed by the gate.  Now, suddenly, I was a person.  I've heard F2M's complain about the opposite:  That they become non-entities when they "become" men.  Suddenly people stop noticing them.  It's a strange phenomenon.

Enjoy your gifts, Hon, and just smile politely when anyone holds the door for you!

QuoteI guess I haven't considered medical science for transitioning to be such a blessing because it came so late in my life (I'm 55).  The internet also came late in my life.  Like so many others, I would have transitioned younger if I'd known transsexualism existed (I had felt like I was the only one for a LONG time).  And then, once I found out it existed, there was the long trauma (10 years worth) and guilt of causing torment to my spouse of 21 years.  Kind of hard to feel "blessed" when you're causing someone huge trauma.  And now she's gone.  Another non-blessing.

May I agree with you, Teri Anne?  Had I a spouse worth missing I could easily be in your place.  The first one was nuts over having a baby and I was found medically not able to do that.  We parted after she forged my signature to get my medical records and sign me up for in-vitro.  The second turned over time into a nasty alcoholic.  Two marriages, 25 years down the drain and it's obvious that I never intended divorce.  The third lied about her religious convictions and began to force them on me.  I was gone in 7 months.  Two years later I began my transitioning. 

May your hurt become less and your empty space be filled by someone very nice and caring.

QuoteSo I have to date and reveal IT to anyone who might be my next soulmate.  And then they walk away.  And I'm told by others that it simply proves that they didn't deserve me.  They didn't appreciate me.  Yeah, I know there's plenty of good in me.  Good that, given a chance, someone would cherish.  But my "label" shoooes them away.  Yeah, some blessing.

I'm not sure why I would ever tell anyone that I was post-op transsexual.  They can't tell and neither will I.  I might get a strange look at times but I laugh to myself and dismiss it.

Soulmates are something I believe hard to find.  There are many dates, a few friends, one or two serious involvements, and maybe one with whom you can share life as an *equal.* 

One of the "gifts" of our gender is problems with self-esteem.  I have no cure for it, just ideas and opinions.  IMHO, self-esteem can be a genetic gift that is awakened in the presence of estrogen and made worse by society's ideals.  I have no choice but to feel good about myself and my appearance because I cannot depend on anyone else to help me with that little chore.

QuoteThus, in my opinion, neither males or females or transsexuals have totally "blessed" or "cursed" lives.  There are advantages and disadvantages to all sides... 

One day, the deck seems stacked against you.  And the next day, life can be a wonder.

You are sooooo right!

I'll stop here for the moment as I feel a case of the run-ons and foot-in-mouth disease coming on.

Thank you for sharing with me and hearing me out.  There is much in your posting that I need to have a good think-on, especially male stereotypes.

Have a pleasant evening.

Wing Walker

Hi Teri
For some reason, well maybe because of all the dumb stunts I have pulled during my younger years, like with, cars, trucks, dune buggies, a rocket propelled hot rod, well it sounded like it was rocket propelled, anything with wheels and tracks at one time, snow machines, and yes including anything that had wings, bush planes. The cat used up more then her 9 lives and I am still here, so transitioning was a piece of pie. 

Back then if the devil himself would have appeared I probably would have told him to "back off!" I'm coming through. Well actually I said something close to that to this big guy in a bar once, needles to say he wasn't to impressed he about 6' 6" tall 300 lbs and he just picked me up like I was a rag doll and hung me up on a coat hook by the back of my coat. I shouted all kinds of curses and other profanities at him. Didn't even know better that zipping up to start with could have been the better rout to take. But at least looking back it puts a smile on my face. I share these things with my Soul mate and both of us get a good belly laugh about it. My soul mate recovered from TS syndrome herself and her and I are a pair, we got married back in Ontario 3 years ago and we support each other or took turns at chewing the rag so to speak.

I don't really have any idea where I am going with all this, sometimes I am all over the map and even off the map now and again. An over active mind and imagination at times I guess, and one heck of a sense of humor. I bought into freedom seven years and have never been as happy in my life  as I have for the past 7 years. First time I ever carried out something to it's conclusion in my entire life. I guess if I never really accomplished something to it's conclusion before well at least I carried the transitioning thing to its conclusion. But between you and me I would still enjoy flying a bush plane and then I can watch my soul mate how many different shades of green,  red, purple and blue she could turn into, just as an experiment you know 

Feeling guilty separating from ex spouses I did that only 2 times in my life and that was enough. The first one was the bitch from hell and the second one we parted ways amicably, she knew about my secret or least ways she suspected it. No feeling of loss there. Family? What can I say they are the toughest nut to crack. My friends quickly adjusted to the change some were even supportive, even the guys and gals at work after a couple of weeks accepted me,so both clients and staff treated me good where I worked.

As for the transitioning I transitioned in the summer of 2000, 55years old. The retired Rocket Jockey takes his space suit off and replaces it with a dress. Retired? Hell no way! I got to much dynamite in me to just lay down and die, I run two Yahoo groups and three meetup groups and when I stumbled over the email for this place I knew it wasn't time for the old folks home for me yet.

You wanna believe there is a lot of good in you, you glow with it hon. Life can be a wonder and since I transitioned I have not seen it more then one day feeling down. Most of the time I am very upbeat and love to have a good laugh.

You can private email me any time, I am usually not far from the pooter.

Your friend

Cindy     

I feel blessed to have the life I do and I'm certain I would not have this life if I were not TS thus it logically follows that I'm blessed to be TS.


I am however speaking as someone who transitioned at 18 and couldn't pass for a guy to save her life, I've had it ridiculously good.

Quote from: Melissa on August 16, 2007, 03:49:51 PM

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on August 16, 2007, 03:37:43 PMI feel like a lot of the negative aspects about transitioning are more the negative aspects of living in a cold bigoted ignorant world, and not like things that are internally wrong with being or not being trans.

That may be, but don't forget bigotry and prejudice exist even in the community.  I'll admit I likely have my own somewhat bigoted views of certain people.  I try and not let it affect how I treat them, but it may come through anyhow.  That being said, if a person is raised to be bigoted against gays and lesbians, yet they are a lesbian or gay themselves, that can cause them a lot of inner turmoil.  However, if that person had never been raised to be so, then perhaps all would be well and good.  Unfortunately, the reality is that there *is* bigotry in the world and I doubt it will ever completely go away.

The problem in a totally non-bigoted world is the threat of non-diversity...As TOTALLY ironic and messed up that seems. I don't know really...I know the balance of this world, with its darks and lights, is totally off right now, but I just wouldn't want it to bounce all the way over in the opposite direction. That would seem like a fatal arithmia in the wave of things.

You know...Blablabla...

But do I feel blessed? No. If humans minds TRULY create gods I'd say no to spite them. However, I do feel like the ME today wouldn't exist if it weren't for my gender dysphoria. Its opened up my mind more than any of my friends. It has its good parts to me and bad parts to me. I've always thought the most interesting things are confusing BECAUSE of their complexity. However...As optimistic as I try to be, I'm also genetically pre-disposed to extreme boughts of depression, so I really don't feel too good about it all the time. Point is, too many sides are intriguing to have JUST ONE be entirely correct, unless Its some sort of AVERAGE, and in that case, in order to calculate, we'd be flatlined like I talked about before. Thats BAD. Thats like THE BORG. Living in the biological sense, but no POINT really. I'm mostly not religious, because scenarios like that shouldn't EXIST in a world of fairness, or the mortal plane entirely. That stuff should be PUNISHMENT...And thats if said religion thats true is HUMANLIKE and SECULAR-EY...Which I find questionable when so much sense points to extraterrestrials. So BLA AD NAUSEUM.

Hi Tink, I like that photo the best.    Ok I see I already posted here on this topic. I guess I should try to scroll up first. Well I have been living in female mode for 7 years and post opp four years ago. Well before this well about twenty years ago I thought I was possessed by Satan himself, it got worst and was diagnosed with being bipolar, but even with the meds I was still having a hard time of it until 8 years ago I learned what the word transsexual was. Any way it's a long and scary story. I would in all honestly say that yes I literally thought it was a curse. But now I love being a woman, at first I found it kind of strange not because of any outside influence just kind of a disoriented feeling. Well my moods, my personality and attitude and the way I perceive things changed a lot and I certainly learned all about honest to goodness emotions, nothing like I had ever experienced before. Things just felt right for the first time in my life and yes I believe I am blessed to be who I am today.

Cindy

Not even a little.  I am blessed in that I have been able to transition, keep my life largely intact, and pass without question, but
I would have preferred to be born female instead made female.  To feel special and blessed, there would have to be some tangible
benefit to living a lie for most of my life which I have yet to see.  Other than the "that which does not kill me..." logic, I see no
benefit to having been born and forced to live in the wrong gender. 

Stormy

I feel cursed.

I feel a tangible wall preventing all progress in what I like. Its almost as If I'm being nudged into a, "MORE WORTHY" category. This puzzles me cause I'm a faithless person. I hate the wall though...


IT ALWAYS COMES BACK

Wing Walker - Again, thanks for the kind words.  Regarding self-esteem:  I remember once seeing a young beautiful woman who spoke as a tortured person -- her self esteem was in the basement because she was a lesbian.  I couldn't understand it.  She was so beautiful in appearance that I felt, as most of society probably felt, that her life must be wonderful.  Of course, I would have died to look like her and yet all she could think about was dying -- suicide.

It brings us back to something I mentioned early in this thread -- that we have no idea what torture some of us put OURSELVES through.  To an outsider, the trauma is ridiculous.  So, I try to remember this:  Issues that I consider monumental are things that I probably over-emphasize myself.  Though I don't consider being TS to be a blessing, to many or most of society, it's just nothing they concentrate on.  They have their own lives.

Many Afro-Americans are upset with courts giving stiffer sentences to them as opposed to caucasians.  It's nothing white folk think about but, given the O.J. thing, our country is divided.  Afro-Americans just want what we want:  to be treated and respected like others.  I don't know if Afro-Americans every think about themselves as being "blessed" - presumably, given "black pride," they've instilled in themselves to move on...have pride in what they are.  And that's what we should do, too.

Cindy - May we all be as brave as you.  I appreciate your upbeat nature and try, as best as I can, to do the same.

Stormy - I think I mentioned the "that which does not kill me" quote at some point also.  Pychologists and any rational people would probably tell us, "you have every right to be upset with how hard this is because IT IS HARD."  This won't turn it into a blessing but might turn it into:  "don't worry about that which you cannot control."  Unlike the first quote, it doesn't intimate that we're getting stronger but rather tells us to not worry about it -- let's us find our own peace.

Teri Anne

QuoteWing Walker - Again, thanks for the kind words.  Regarding self-esteem:  I remember once seeing a young beautiful woman who spoke as a tortured person -- her self esteem was in the basement because she was a lesbian.  I couldn't understand it.  She was so beautiful in appearance that I felt, as most of society probably felt, that her life must be wonderful.  Of course, I would have died to look like her and yet all she could think about was dying -- suicide.

Hi, Teri Anne,  Thank you for writing and giving me pause.  What I find to be wisdom may not be wisdom for anyone but me.  The way that I handle something might work well for me but I cannot and do not hope it to be more than "grist for the thought mill" for anyone else.  And so it goes with blessing/curse, happiness/misery.

QuoteIt brings us back to something I mentioned early in this thread -- that we have no idea what torture some of us put OURSELVES through.  To an outsider, the trauma is ridiculous.  So, I try to remember this:  Issues that I consider monumental are things that I probably over-emphasize myself.  Though I don't consider being TS to be a blessing, to many or most of society, it's just nothing they concentrate on.  They have their own lives.

You're right about the torture that we cause ourselves, and it's completely unnecessary.  What do we accomplish by doing it to ourselves when the rest of the world will do it for us?  My ex was giving me lots of distress until one night I just quietly looked at her.  She had never seen that look on my face before and had no inkling of what was crossing my mind.  I had my hands behind my back and I told her that if had wanted a ration of stuff I could have gotten it without marriage.

I believe that 99+% of us are interested in what is on our plate that day and couldn't care less about anyone else.

You make a good point about "black pride."  Years ago I was talking with a black man with whom I worked.  This was in 1971 and we were having a talk about race.  I was not taught to hate anyone or to act hurtful or offensive to anyone because of their race so the notion of race discrimination was a non-starter with me.  I just didn't have it.

He asked me to think about seeing a man walking down the street and asked what I noticed first.  Was it his clothes, hair, shoes, height, weight?  Nope, it was his color!  I began to wonder about myself and how not-biased I was - or not.

Black pride, gay pride, and transsexual pride all stem from the same root:  pride in ourselves.  it's not like we're selling anyone that it's a great idea to voluntary become black, gay, or transsexual, but we won't let ourselves be walked-on because of who we are.

An old farmer once observed that 90% of what we fear and worry about doesn't happen to us and the other 10% isn't as bad as we thought it would be.  That's just one fictional farmer's opinion.  I wish that I had heard it long before I did.

Again, thank you for the high-quality grist for the thought mill.  Let us in here be happy in ourselves and endeavour to contribute to the happiness of others.  Perhaps by that behaviour we will be able to make a micron-sized change in one life, starting with our own.

Please accept my warm and sincere hugs,

Paula

Hi Teri Anne,

Thanks for the compliment but I don't know about brave, maybe I don't get scared about much, but brave? wary, maybe, like I won't step out during a storm with a tin umbrella.

Since I was a kid I have been a rescuer. It started with me bringing home stray animals or wounded animals and try to doctor them back again. Then I graduated to bringing home stray people, hitch hiker , park bench scholars, or so they thought they were.

One night when I was 18 years of age I brought home a prostitute who had been beaten and left lying on the sidewalk to die, I guess.  So I brought her home with me and doctored her the same as I had with the critters.  Occasionally I was called out to extricate an abused mom and her children to go home with me.

Well nothing has changed much. Some 25 years after I began the career of being a Social Worker and worked as a social worker for twenty years. Hmmmmmm, a one woman Coast Guard.

I really don't think I need an academy award for search and rescue but certainly not a hero.  I would be just as happy to see myself in the National Enquirer. Naw, just don't scare too easily.  I was a worry wart for a lot of years but I am doing a good job of getting that under wraps and having a soul mate that does most of the paper work has done wonders in relieving me of the worry wart thing, I hate mailboxes. Not to mention it frees to spend more time to do search and rescue on the net. 

As for an unemployed comedian, yes. Putting a smile or laughter on people's faces is the best medicine for any one that is hurting about stuff.

Cynthia         

Wingwalker, you mentioned, "An old farmer once observed that 90% of what we fear and worry about doesn't happen to us and the other 10% isn't as bad as we thought it would be.  That's just one fictional farmer's opinion."

Or, there's Roosevelt's line, "the only thing to fear is fear itself."  Certainly, Bush's White House seems to interject a lot of fear about why we have to this or that in war.  To me, it's a sordid argument.  No one should do things solely out of fear.  Recently, a terrorism expert on television asked (and I'm paraphrasing), "Why do we jump so headlong into fear?  Even if the worst happens, and one or two cities get bombed, does anyone think that America is just going to crumple?  Of course not.  Terrorism didn't work on 9/11 and it won't work in the future.  The United States has much power and its citizens will never let anyone take them over." 

Somehow, this pronouncement helped dissipate my fears a bit regarding terrorism.  He's right.  There might be tortured cities and we would, of course, feel great sadness.  But converting the United States into a Muslim country, as the Muslim extremnists want, ain't gonna happen.   We would never surrender.

Bigotry is a form of terrorism.  And we, as TS's, must not surrender, also.

Cinthia, you're right about humor -- the best medicine.  I've started another post regarding that.  Thanks for the suggestion.

Teri Anne

You know after thinking about this question for a while and from a point of view of someone that is somewhat lost
right now and un-sure about where things stand, I do feel special.

I think my life would be so different. I really value the way my inner feelings have allowed me to
interact and relate to women. I'm thinking that if I were not like this on the inside I never would have developed the
Friendships with women that I have. I certainly would not have the love of my life.

I cannot imagine treating and talking about women the way some guys do.

Regardless of where I end up, I would not change how I feel inside for anything.

Yep, I feel so special and maybe a little proud (for the first time) that I'm like that.

maybe Amanda

Well I am trying very hard to see the blessing in it, but it is difficult.  I do think I see the world from a woman's point of view and I can remember well what it was like to see it as a man.  So from the point of being in empathy with others, there's an obvious advantage.  But I still wonder:  If they made the magic pill that would make us totally happy in the gender our physical bodies were born with, how many of us would take it?  If we answer no, then I guess we consider ourselves blessed.  I'm having a hard time answering yes, though.

Kristi

Buffy said:

We all desire to be accepted and loved, the nature of most humans is they are sociable beings. For many years after SRS, I did not want to form relationships, to afraid of what would happen or people may think. But that has changed, life has only two certainties, birth and death and we can choose to do what we want in between. I no longer fear the future, I actively involve myself in life and relationships, otherwise what I would be is a Female version of my old self, with the same hang ups and issues I had as a guy.

To lead a fulfilling and rewarding life, involves taking risks, I am prepared to do that, I am prepared to go into relationships to find that person who accepts and loves me for who I am, the alternative is to not bother and miss out on what could be the very thing I seek.

The old saying "Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" is so true, without that risk there can be no reward.

I am not special, nor blessed to have gone through transition, but I sure am going to enjoy my life to the full as the woman I truly am.

Buffy

I think this is very, very wise and insightful.  Beautiful thoughts, Buffy.

Hugs!

HUH-HA! YES I am TRANSSEXUAL. HOORAY!
WOOHOO!
Now I must join the Darkside and complete my training.

Absolutely not in any positive way.

Special? Not really. Blessed? Most certainly although it took me a long while to realise it.

Without being TS I would never have met my dearest friends nor my wonderful wife. Never really felt religious guilt about it even though I'm Muslim. I really believe the blessing lies in the interaction with people. It's hard for us but good people find each other across the world and through the most unexpected circumstances.

Would I change it for being "normal"? Can't answer that as I've never been there so I'll try and live the life I've been given to the best of my ability