All of my guns are passed down and games are gifts. The bike I inherited. So currently all income goes to gas food and rent.

EDIT
But I do have around 15 left over a week. Time to save.

Quote from: Alice Bracken on August 21, 2014, 10:14:23 AM
Quick question is 80 bucks too much for a therapist. Im not really sure. He is the closest around.

I concur with Emily, that seems very reasonable. (yes, I'm paying more than that).

Now im wondering would it be better to have a male therapist or female one. I kinda am swaying from the male one. Its complicated but I feel hesitant. I dont really know why is rather talk to a woman.

My therapist is female and has been wonderful for me. I do believe I've been able to open up to her more readily than to a man. That's probably bias on my part, but I personally felt more comfortable with a female therapist, probably exacerbated by the first male therapist I talked to turned out to be a practitioner of reparative therapy, which is considered unethical and proven statistically harmful to LGBT patients across the board.

I have had a few due to many issues. The best therapist is the one you can connect with male or female.
I personally went through a few until I found a good connection.

I've had 1 very good male psychiatrist, two extremely great female psychologists and 1 great female therapist at present and one idiot male psychologist .

Im going to go with the male. He said he would be willing to let me pay a bit every week. My appointment is scheduled for next monday.

I also have a question. I have aloy of muscle and no fat. How much strength will I lose. Right now at my job I can lift 100 pound boxes no problem. Will I still be that way through transitioning?

Your muscles are going to change. How much strength you lose will depend on you but female muscles can be nearly as strong as male muscles, just thinner, more elongated, and far less bulky due to lack of testosterone. It also won't happen immediately but over time.

As for how much, that depends on so many personal factors that no one here could possibly predict for you in any really accurate manner.

Quote from: Alice Bracken on August 20, 2014, 07:43:40 PM
Is there anyway to get the thoughts to stop. I am not sure if i even want this. I feel scared. I like being a guy and i like doing things with my friends. Going shooting guns, flirting with girls, and even riding my motorcycle everyday. Really is there a way to fix this or should i follow with these thoughts, go with the flow. I am lost on what to do and do not have the money to spend on a therapist.

Alice

Plenty of good advice has already been posted.  Nevertheless I thought that it may be useful sharing my experience. In my case the gender dysphoria kept coming back, each time stronger than the last time.  The only thing that has worked for me was understanding and accepting that I was trans*.   This required 4 things - a great gender therapist, a top flight endocrinologist, low dose hrt and great support.  It was however the low dose hrt which stopped my dysphoria and turned my life around.  It was Susans and a process of self discovery that then helped me understand that my gender identity is unique, yes it falls within the heading of non binary, but it is unique to me.   

So in short the hrt dealt with the initial problem of gender dysphoria, it then opened my eyes, my emotions and possibility to pursue a richer and more authentic life.  How I wish to express this is my choice and this is a good thing. I don't expect to stop skiing, kayaking, camping, diving, walking or following pro sports.  I do expect to build stronger, more intimate and more powerful relationships with women, with friends and with the broader community.

This journey has taken more than 50 years.  Life to me is about understanding who you are and expressing the person who you wish to be, as powerfully and as authentically that you can.  It is not so much seeking to 'fix' oneself as it is seeking to express oneself as authentically as possible.  You have the opportunity to start on your journey and find your authentic self, far earlier than I did.

Safe travels

Aisla