I posted this by mistake in the wrong section the first time..so sry bout thta..

im just wandering if my mom is taking my come out srsly. .bc I came out bout 5 yrs ago she still calls me by my birthname n same pronouns. .I came out as lesbian wen I wasa teen shes cool w it but it has me confused. .

now lemme explain. .she has seen many times things come in the mail w the name ayden like my new binder..I have gave her hints sayin im changing my name n she just said o..but wen the news was doing a story bout the boy ryland who is trans she said I cnt imagine having a child like that n the pain they go threw id do everything I could 2 help them..that kinda hurt

so wat is my mom thinking?  is she taking me srsly?

Denial is a powerful thing. Might have to just come out and explain your trans.

Aye, sounds like a bit of denial. Or maybe your "hints" have simply not been direct enough. When she uses the wrong name and pronouns, do you correct her? Did you say anything when she was talking about the guy on the news? She won't come around all by herself, people get very set in their habits and you'll have to beat people over the head with "it's he/him....my name is actually this....you do have a child like that mother" over and over and over again until it sinks in.

Quote from: Jeatyn on August 22, 2014, 05:29:06 AM
Aye, sounds like a bit of denial. Or maybe your "hints" have simply not been direct enough. When she uses the wrong name and pronouns, do you correct her? Did you say anything when she was talking about the guy on the news? She won't come around all by herself, people get very set in their habits and you'll have to beat people over the head with "it's he/him....my name is actually this....you do have a child like that mother" over and over and over again until it sinks in.

I have kinda done it a few times..she yelled @ me 4 somthn the other day wen I flipped somone off 4 riding her car so close. .she yelled my birthname n I said thats not my name then she says 2 my sister n kinda laughs she says thats noy my name. .also my nephew has askd if ima boy or girl so I said I duno. .finally I told him boy n my mom kinda yelled at me n said dnt confuse him..im just so fruatratd n just feel im just gna start T n SHOW her this is me like it or not..ive put off my transition since I was 18 bc of this n im bout a week away from being 30..im gettin more n more were I just wana lash out or do somthin stupid. .I know ppl say b patient but I think this is beyond bein patient. .

You got to live for yourself in the end. That's what I had to realize, I was basically in the same boat as you. Putting off my transition and coming out because of other people. I always felt like I was going to disappoint my family but ultimately I was just disappointing myself. You sound like you know exactly what you want to do, now you just need to do it. Your mom/family will come around if they really love you like they say. Just got to have some faith. I wish you all the luck

If you're almost 30 then you need to stand up for yourself and do your own thing. Put your foot down and do what you need to do.

I knew I wouldn't get far with my parents, I'd already arranged coming out at work before I told her. I changed my name legally before they even knew what it was, and now I'm stealth at work. It's not her issue, it's yours.

Be assertive with your mother, but also be understanding of any questions as long as they're not too invasive/deliberately rude. Maybe you could also try to educate her too, it'd be a good opportunity.. though take it slow. For us, it's easy to understand because this is how we are and we might be so used to it but any other cisgender person might have a lot of misconceptions about trans individuals.

Quote from: lxndr on August 22, 2014, 08:02:46 AM
If you're almost 30 then you need to stand up for yourself and do your own thing. Put your foot down and do what you need to do.

I knew I wouldn't get far with my parents, I'd already arranged coming out at work before I told her. I changed my name legally before they even knew what it was, and now I'm stealth at work. It's not her issue, it's yours.

I know thats kinda y im just like w/e bc I dnt wana lose my family but same time I gota do me..I put it off 2 long..

AJ, I think perhaps you're misinterpreting what your mother said.

Quoteshe said I cnt imagine having a child like that n the pain they go threw id do everything I could 2 help them..

Isn't saying that if she had a trans child, she'd help them in any way she could? Your writing style makes it a bit hard to be sure, but it sounds to me like your mother was giving you a HUGE hint that she wants to support you however she can -- but she's waiting for you to bring this up...

Definitely sounds like you need to have a talk with her and tell her some things straight to her face.

It might help you to plan out what you want to say, write it down in a speech. Brainstorm all the things you want to say.

She seems to be in denial and it looks like it is hurting you to have to deal with her behavior. So be assertive, honest, and clear with what you say so there is no room for her to keep denying reality and your identity.

Quote from: Tysilio on August 22, 2014, 05:04:46 PM
AJ, I think perhaps you're misinterpreting what your mother said. Isn't saying that if she had a trans child, she'd help them in any way she could? Your writing style makes it a bit hard to be sure, but it sounds to me like your mother was giving you a HUGE hint that she wants to support you however she can -- but she's waiting for you to bring this up...

she did say that bc there wasa poll askn wat ud do..if ud support them or if u think the parents r in the wrong. .she then said shed support them..

it really does sound like you need to have a talk with your mom. when you talk be really clear and state your plan. don't mate it seem like you are asking. you can remind her about the show and her comment.