A few months ago I kind of had a breakdown on here over not being sure if I had feelings for this girl I know from online, well I have finally come to the conclusion that despite not knowing what it feels like to love someone or have feelings for someone and only having others' experiences to go by or looking up what some basic signs are that well....I do indeed have feelings for this girl and it ruins me as well I will never be able to act on them as I wouldn't have the confidence to and also she lives in another country and even if I could tell her and by some freak miracle she returns the feelings it doesn't matter as I will never be able to afford to meet her in person.

I hate myself.

realizing im broke :/

Quote from: big kim on August 22, 2014, 01:39:36 AM
That's the one

There's an inordinately large amount of very talented musicians from that part of the world.

Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on August 22, 2014, 03:25:45 AM
A few months ago I kind of had a breakdown on here over not being sure if I had feelings for this girl I know from online, well I have finally come to the conclusion that despite not knowing what it feels like to love someone or have feelings for someone and only having others' experiences to go by or looking up what some basic signs are that well....I do indeed have feelings for this girl and it ruins me as well I will never be able to act on them as I wouldn't have the confidence to and also she lives in another country and even if I could tell her and by some freak miracle she returns the feelings it doesn't matter as I will never be able to afford to meet her in person.

I hate myself.

Long distance relationships can work and there are ways to provide physical contact without actually being there with each other plus there is things like Skype and other means to do video calls and then there's just the good ol phone. Is it easy? No. Can it work? Yes. Will the relationship last? Depends on how strong a feeling you both have for each other and even then it might be too tough to endure. Also, you're only looking at the here and now, you never know, maybe something will happen and you'll both get to see each other. If it doesn't work out, plenty of fish in the see as they say.

Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on August 22, 2014, 03:25:45 AM
A few months ago I kind of had a breakdown on here over not being sure if I had feelings for this girl I know from online, well I have finally come to the conclusion that despite not knowing what it feels like to love someone or have feelings for someone and only having others' experiences to go by or looking up what some basic signs are that well....I do indeed have feelings for this girl and it ruins me as well I will never be able to act on them as I wouldn't have the confidence to and also she lives in another country and even if I could tell her and by some freak miracle she returns the feelings it doesn't matter as I will never be able to afford to meet her in person.

I hate myself.

I don't understand how one can have intimate feelings for somebody they have never met. Maybe that is just me.

Quote from: Julia (Apple-Whatever) on August 20, 2014, 04:19:27 PM
The surgeon set the jaw and chin as the least important recommended procedures of the bunch.... I also decided to pass on the lip lift because It gets out of my budget. Forehead, nose, eyelids and trach shave. Also, After FFS I want to save for SRS... so no clue on when I will be able to do the rest. I should get a second job as an escort.

I'm thinking of getting some work done myself. Breast augmentation is on the list too. sure, I have a lot going for me but I want a lower hairline, etc. Maybe even to not see old me in the mirror ever again. Then srs.

Quote

Author=Shana-chan link=topic=161846.msg1503644#msg1503644 date=1408727392]
Long distance relationships can work and there are ways to provide physical contact without actually being there with each other plus there is things like Skype and other means to do video calls and then there's just the good ol phone. Is it easy? No. Can it work? Yes. Will the relationship last? Depends on how strong a feeling you both have for each other and even then it might be too tough to endure. Also, you're only looking at the here and now, you never know, maybe something will happen and you'll both get to see each other. If it doesn't work out, plenty of fish in the see as they say.

my relationship with my wife has lasted 14 years and we met in an anime chat room before skype or google hangouts. I dont see it lasting because she doesnt want me to have SRS. She also says she isnt a lesbian and gets mad when people even think she is. So what am I really to her?
I fell in love with Birkin before we met in person. He has gorgeous eyes, hes so hard working and smart. He can make me smile or laugh when no one else can. And when we finally met, it was really really really hard to let him go back home. I love him to bits and miss him just as much.

Quote from: Rainbow Brite on August 22, 2014, 04:35:34 PM
my relationship with my wife has lasted 14 years and we met in an anime chat room before skype or google hangouts. I dont see it lasting because she doesnt want me to have SRS. She also says she isnt a lesbian and gets mad when people even think she is. So what am I really to her?
I fell in love with Birkin before we met in person. He has gorgeous eyes, hes so hard working and smart. He can make me smile or laugh when no one else can. And when we finally met, it was really really really hard to let him go back home. I love him to bits and miss him just as much.

Well hon, we know what the answer will be don't we? It's just a matter of time now. My best to you dear!

Getting a haircut tomorrow but my mom doesn't want me to get a masculine style because she thinks it wont help me get a job so I'll probably leave the hair salon in a very awful mood and death glare at the barber. My monthly gift just came in today so that doesn't bode well...

I don't feel like I'm over 18.

Quote from: Shana-chan on August 22, 2014, 12:09:52 PM
Long distance relationships can work and there are ways to provide physical contact without actually being there with each other plus there is things like Skype and other means to do video calls and then there's just the good ol phone. Is it easy? No. Can it work? Yes. Will the relationship last? Depends on how strong a feeling you both have for each other and even then it might be too tough to endure. Also, you're only looking at the here and now, you never know, maybe something will happen and you'll both get to see each other. If it doesn't work out, plenty of fish in the see as they say.

I know long distance relationships can work I was kind of in one about 6 years ago, but I find we are both the sort that like affection(cuddling etc;) and well not sure how that would work in an LDR, you say there are ways could you explain it(possibly in PM)? Also I hate my voice and well frankly she can always do way better than me(I would say more about how I see myself but I won't). Problem is I was deemed unfit to work about 4 years ago and I am living on a disability pension(Which I am sure many judge me poorly for). So I have very strong doubts I will get to meet her and really the closest I can think of where I will get to see her is if by some miracle I can afford SRS and go to my top choice of surgeon who is based near her, not sure how I would be with visiting/visitors.

Quote from: mac1 on August 22, 2014, 12:51:22 PM
I don't understand how one can have intimate feelings for somebody they have never met. Maybe that is just me.

Honestly I still don't understand it myself, I have never seen myself as being someone that could get feelings for a person(not understanding what it feels like) and it is only based on a few things that I have come to the conclusion that I have but yes I now recognise i have feelings for her but I do not understand it.

Quote from: Rainbow Brite on August 22, 2014, 04:35:34 PM
my relationship with my wife has lasted 14 years and we met in an anime chat room before skype or google hangouts. I dont see it lasting because she doesnt want me to have SRS. She also says she isnt a lesbian and gets mad when people even think she is. So what am I really to her?
I fell in love with Birkin before we met in person. He has gorgeous eyes, hes so hard working and smart. He can make me smile or laugh when no one else can. And when we finally met, it was really really really hard to let him go back home. I love him to bits and miss him just as much.

I hope in all regards it works out for you, it is actually your's and Birkin's connection that gives me hope.

It's what's made and will make me unhappy fri sat and sun it's this damn heat . In the 100's here in the mid west. Summer can kiss my ass

I might have dislocated my pinky toe's bone, or broke it, but I think dislocated it. It might have popped back into place though. Still upsetting.

Quote from: MyKa on August 22, 2014, 11:33:46 PM
It's what's made and will make me unhappy fri sat and sun it's this damn heat . In the 100's here in the mid west. Summer can kiss my ass

But if it does that, that'll be one HOT kiss. (Aka sunburn) Are you sure you want it to kiss you, and on your butt no less? If so, here it comes 

Quote from: Shana-chan on August 23, 2014, 02:13:32 PM
I might have dislocated my pinky toe's bone, or broke it, but I think dislocated it. It might have popped back into place though. Still upsetting.
But if it does that, that'll be one HOT kiss. (Aka sunburn) Are you sure you want it to kiss you, and on your butt no less? If so, here it comes 

I'm sick of this heat and humidity here in Florida as well. While I'm not looking for a hot kiss on the arse, I do welcome fall with open arms. Too bad though, fall doesn't start here til mid October.

Ali

Well, my stealthness is basically over at one of my jobs. I told one person, in confidence, because I wanted advice and I knew she was leaving and didn't really like anyone at the job lol. Well she liked them enough to tell some others about me.

A part of me is relieved because hiding my chest and whatnot in locker rooms, pools, and other such places was getting to be nearly impossible and very awkward. But I feel...meh. I don't know. Dysphoric and crappy, and I wish I was cisgender.

I'm kind of stupid for telling someone, I should know better, but I really felt the need to reach out. I feel naked now.

Quote from: birkin on August 23, 2014, 06:20:34 PM
Well, my stealthness is basically over at one of my jobs. I told one person, in confidence, because I wanted advice and I knew she was leaving and didn't really like anyone at the job lol. Well she liked them enough to tell some others about me.

A part of me is relieved because hiding my chest and whatnot in locker rooms, pools, and other such places was getting to be nearly impossible and very awkward. But I feel...meh. I don't know. Dysphoric and crappy, and I wish I was cisgender.

I'm kind of stupid for telling someone, I should know better, but I really felt the need to reach out. I feel naked now.

yeah, at the company I work for, I know one supervisor volunteers that info whenever she can, usually without any prompting or questions. Kind of crappy, but its to be expected. We're such deviants, you know...

Everyone has been nice about it. Nice as in, just very quiet on the matter. They don't really seem comfortable talking about it. But one girl gave me a big hug and said that it didn't change anything, lol, bless her heart.

Knowing that the money factor is a massive strain on my wife and kids.

Quote from: birkin on August 23, 2014, 06:37:15 PM
Everyone has been nice about it. Nice as in, just very quiet on the matter. They don't really seem comfortable talking about it. But one girl gave me a big hug and said that it didn't change anything, lol, bless her heart.

I have found that once they know, things do change. They may well not intend for that to happen, but it usually does. They can't help it, its too ingrained in them.

I've learned to just deal with it and not let it get to me too much. I will still do what makes me happy no matter what they think or do or say.

Yeah, unfortunately I know that it does change things. I've only seen it not on a few occasions.

Serious depression, and did I mention I was going to ask my neighbor if he wouldn't mind taking me to the therapist because it's gotten that bad and is getting to me too much, but then he went on about how I should ask family/friends first (WHAT friends? (irl) WHAT "family") and how if I didn't then he'd feel taken advantage of...this hurt me a lot (This was last wed) and as a result, I couldn't bring myself to ask him nor will I... so now I'm going to have to wait 2 weeks minimum till I have my upcoming surgery done and am back at work and back up and walking again. Depression, you grim reaper, leave me alone, leave us ALL ALONE! *SIGH*

EDIT *SIIIIIIIIIIGH*

I shouldn't have tried to go to a friend (online) when I was feeling this down, I know they meant well but bringing up THEIR problems when they KNEW I am not well, depressed and so on, seriously, take a hint! I came to try and talk to you to get me out of this depression even if only for a day and now it's worse. I REALLY want to cry right now.  Stupid depression/anxiety, feeling like the walls are closing in on me, feels like my throat is mostly closed up and as a result, very hard to breath...