Quote from: iiMTF on August 23, 2014, 09:08:06 PM
Jess: Yea. And I even asked him to keep it private unless I approved. But I did admit to almost committing suicide once to him, so idk if that falls in the category as suicidal? I was 9 I believe on the
night I almost did it, so... Glad I didn't, since I'm not psycho or anything - I had the common sense that a sucky life was better than no life at all.

Yeah it may very well be. But still as long as you are not suicidal now. It would probably be the therapist's call on that and then that should have been the only thing mentioned to your parents. Believe me Psychiatrists and therapists, if you are homicidal or suicidal can have you committed to the hospital for 72 hours.

How old were you then compared to when you were 9? Usually 9 year olds don't think about suicide. But still, the therapist shouldn't have said nothing more than you may have been suicidal at one time when you were 9. But still a therapist that understands Gender issues will probably go a long way. So don't be too anxious. 

Well I meant I would call myself psycho if I did do it, not just bc of suicidal thoughts. Now, about that spider paranoia. Let me find some very creepy very scary poisonous spider documentary for you... Sounds fun, eh?

When I told him I was still 9 and I still had suicidal thoughts at the time. He only made it worse. I asked him not to tell anyone, he swore not to, then the next day my parents are asking me about the thoughts, and when I asked them how they knew, they told me the therapist told them :/

I wouldn't care about that if it was his job to report it to them, but I did care because he SWORE not to tell anyone. He broke his promise 15 minutes later. (When he emailed them)

Oh, fair enough. Hmm... I think this is the part where I log off and never come back!

Hehe. I won't torture you... For now

It's been 51 minutes... I FEEL SO ALONE xP

Quote from: iiMTF on August 23, 2014, 08:19:25 PM
Yep. Edited out like I expected. Sorry. :3 Just know that I'm young, Jaz.
[/quote

Got it! However is your dad around? My dad is way more understanding, the only reason is because he goes to my doctor appointments.

Yeah. But I'm not sure he'd be very supportive, which is why I came out to my mom first. I'm just nervous about talking to him... :/

I can't decide how to go about it.

-To Be Named

Ah, crud. I forgot to update my diary over the last few days... oops

=3

Oh, I had a question... if anybody is strange enough to know the answer.

If somebody hacked your computer and forced you onto a porn site, then would that be some time of abuse? (like, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, etc. etc.)

Because this happened to me back in 2012.. I havent told anyone; I didnt even know it was porn at the time.. I just realized it was porn a little while ago. I was just wondering... Cuz my mind just thought of it... I think of it every once in a while, because it was just so... nevermind.

So, is it considered abuse in any way or something?

Thanks

I don't know what that'd classify as but that is forcing you to do something against your will depending on what the circumstances were, especially since you're young from what I've read (pretty sure that's illegal for someone to do that to you). I don't know, sorry. ;X

Yeah, I'm very sure it's illegal... But I have no way and had no way of reporting it, cuz I met the person via a video game and they convinced me to download Teamspeak, which they used to hack me. I havent been hacked since then, but I think he still has the ability to do so... But idk any name, appearance, or anything so. o.o

Quote from: iiMTF on August 23, 2014, 11:11:02 PM
Oh, I had a question... if anybody is strange enough to know the answer.

If somebody hacked your computer and forced you onto a porn site, then would that be some time of abuse? (like, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, etc. etc.)

Because this happened to me back in 2012.. I havent told anyone; I didnt even know it was porn at the time.. I just realized it was porn a little while ago. I was just wondering... Cuz my mind just thought of it... I think of it every once in a while, because it was just so... nevermind.

So, is it considered abuse in any way or something?

Thanks

Most likely yes it is some type of abuse. The person is very sick, spiritually too for even going on those sites. Its probably some pervert. However, you are young, you have a life ahead of you. Right now you need to think about yourself? What can you do now for yourself?

Quote from: iiMTF on August 23, 2014, 11:29:35 PM
Yeah, I'm very sure it's illegal... But I have no way and had no way of reporting it, cuz I met the person via a video game and they convinced me to download Teamspeak, which they used to hack me. I havent been hacked since then, but I think he still has the ability to do so... But idk any name, appearance, or anything so. o.o

Sorry after reading this, you need to report it! Let the authorities figure out who it was. Why the heck would someone do that! And if they can still hack your computer, that's just frightening.

Quote from: Ms Grace on August 23, 2014, 08:23:28 PM
She might not have mentioned "phase you are going through" but I can pretty much guarantee that's what she thinks... ("just want to play with the girls" was a pretty good sign of that!! )

Grace, I played with the girls a lot in fourth grade at about age 10.  They thought it was a little strange, but a group of about 3 or 4 of the "popular" and "normal" girls from my class many afternoons for many months, let me play jump rope with them, and hang out with them in their front yards, no boys within several blocks in our suburban neighborhood.  We didn't play with dolls, but we played some other sorts of girl games and had girl talk conversation typical of 10 year old girls.

I felt super great with it.  Some of my male friends from school wondered where I was, like why wasn't I playing baseball or football with them, but I spent most of fourth grade with the girls group after school.

Some of the girls teased me just a little about it, but most important they ACCEPTED me as their female-type friend, and I got along great with their 10 year old girl talk.

In fifth grade, my girl self got suppressed by boy sports, and stayed suppressed until a little bit of feminine expression at age 16 but that is a story for another time.

Then, 39 years of mostly suppressing and denying hwo I really am, and like you Grace, finally this time I had my greatest moment of clarity day before yesterday...

I AM FREE.
I AM ME.
I AM FEMALE.

Johanna.

Quote from: JohannaJohn on August 24, 2014, 12:05:45 AM
Grace, I played with the girls a lot in fourth grade at about age 10.  They thought it was a little strange, but a group of about 3 or 4 of the "popular" and "normal" girls from my class many afternoons for many months, let me play jump rope with them, and hang out with them in their front yards, no boys within several blocks in our suburban neighborhood.  We didn't play with dolls, but we played some other sorts of girl games and had girl talk conversation typical of 10 year old girls.

Well, when I was a few years younger, before we moved, there was a girl only a year older than me who lived across the street. I would play with her a lot, we even played with dolls and My Little Pony type stuff. Nobody ever questioned it as far as I know.. (tho I was only like 8-9 at that time, I dont remember much from then) But, yeah. I remember that being my favorite thing to do; to go ever to her house and really, all we did was girl stuff. I dont remember ever doing something a boy would do until she was in 6th (and I was in 5th).. that's when she started to sort of 'ignore' me, until we moved the next year.

Oh and congrats on your little breakthrough Johanna

Sure...and I hope you enjoyed playing with the girls, too...sounds similar to my experienced in 4th grade, at age 10.

Johanna.

Okay, so this morning I got sorta annoyed with my mom.. and didn't tell her. First off, she kept calling me mister. Mister this, mister that. I would've been fine with it if somebody else could hear us, since I don't know about coming out to anyone else atm. But nobody could hear a word she was saying or a word I was saying; we were completely alone. And she just kept calling me mister.

If she doesn't feel comfortable using the proper pronouns, then I'd rather she just call me an it than male pronouns. It wasn't a big deal.. just annoys me.

Oh well... I still need to find a darn gender therapist in my area.. :/

~To Be Named~