I spent the past week at a kind of camp with a bunch of people of all ages who attend pretty much every year.  I won't go into detail, because I'm worried about identifying who I am in RL, but it did involve music.

I usually have a really hard time being around people all the time, and for the first half of the week or so, I was having to withdraw a lot.  But at some point, I started to notice that it was a really accepting crowd.  Even the people who seemed gruff would actually try to communicate that they weren't disapproving of me or whatever.  FWIW, there were two children with Down's Syndrome who are really integrated into the community.  My most obvious TG aspect is that I like to wear skirts and dresses and am "transitioning" towards more feminine ones.  My style of dressing was not just tolerated, but people felt free to admire what I was wearing and sometimes offer advice as if it were the most natural thing in the world.  I'd sit down at any table and would be included like I belonged there.  People told me about their lives and listened when I told them about mine.  They even asked me about it.  Even the kids would talk to me like I was just another person.  I began to be able to spend more time among them and not get so stressed out and burned out.

I began to get the feeling that maybe -- just maybe -- I could someday be a more or less unedited version of who I am and not get put down or excluded for it.  Maybe I could find out what the unedited me looks like.  On the last day, when some of the people dressed up some, I wore a dress I'd made a few years ago with lots of organza and taffeta and which had LED's sewn to the skirt lining, so they were visible through layers of tulle and organza.  (It had kind of come to me in a vision and I went out and bought the fabric and made it in a month or so.)  I felt really over-the-top.  I was afraid that it would be too much and people would be weirded out, but they weren't.  Everyone seemed to think it was awesome.  I started thinking: maybe there are places where I could be visible and not have to hide.

Maybe.

It was like the closet door was opened and after a few days I started to notice that it was open and think: you know, maybe I could go out of my closet.  For just a little ways and just a little while.  (But always making sure I can run back inside, of course.)

Asche

What a great experience.   I think a step at a time does it.  Each step builds confidence and allows you to take the next step.  Hope that you continue to move forward.

Safe travels

Aisla

Asche,
What a great week!  I hope that the door to authenticity does not close for you.  Fear is a debilitating emotion, for years it kept me from finding me voice, my heart , even my soul.  It kept me behind the suits, hidden among shirts and afraid to let anyone know who I really was.  I knew that I would be discarded or despised.  Sometimes a moment of risk and of acceptance can break through the denial and disperse the terror.

I sense fear in your words, I saw the joyful revealing of yourself and the acceptance  you received, if even for only a week.  Authentic living is not free.  It comes with risk, and measureless anxiety.  For me once the first hesitant steps were take the next became necessary.  Wherever your search takes you, there are people here who will cheer you on and try to catch you if you need to be held. I rejoice for your week, and hope that you share more of them as the come, which they surely will.

By the way, that dress sound amazing!  I'm a size 10 if you want to make another one

Blessings,
Julie

there are groups of people who are a lot more accepting than "most people". i'm glad you had such a great experience with one of those groups.
my own experience with things that involve music, is this guy in the music course in high school who showed up in between his last exams in a long grey skirt, wearing jeans underneath. looked really cool. i don't think anyone asked why, it seemed just as natural as all the boys in my class who were small enough, trying on this dress with a flower pattern. or any other interesting female clothing they found lying around. i really wonder why some of it were even there in the classrooms.

if you look good in your clothes, male or female doesn't matter. i hope you find confidence to be yourself, out of your closet, at all times.

Outstanding my dear

If you have the advantage of learning to be authentic young, before giving an inauthentic presentation to someone while dating or even while married, I think that you will have a far happier life than those of us who are involved in a late and inevitable head on collision with our true gender identities.

That you had the courage to be you and be out speaks volumes about your character and your courage.

Powerful, exemplary, and inspiring to others.

Nails out and hair on.... for the moment.....