Hello all! I'm littleredrobinhood - but since that's so long, you can just call me Robin, Rob, Robin Hood, Red.. Basically, so long as you make it clear you're referring to me, anything is fine.
And with that out of the way, I suppose I ought to include a little info about myself.. Hmm, but where to start..?
Well, I'm 22 years old, and I'm a trans man.
I'm not "out", though - unless you count that one clumsy attempt I made a few years back, only to go back into hiding... Which I wish I hadn't done, honestly. I fear I won't be taken seriously if I ever work up the courage to come out again.
In addition to being closeted, I haven't transitioned in any form, either - I'm not taking hormones and I haven't had any surgeries. And to be honest? I'm not sure if I'll be taking that route, anyhow. But who knows - maybe I will. Maybe I won't. I just know that I don't believe that the decision to opt out of HRT and/or SRS makes anyone "less" of their gender, and I find it sad that some people will actually insist that you can't be "this" unless you do x,y,z things (or at least plan on doing x,y,z things).
But anywho,
here's a little background info about me and how/when I discovered I was trans, for any who are curious:I believe I was around 14-15 years old when I entered the "questioning" phase.. I seemed to have developed this "weird" habit at around that age where I could only imagine myself as a guy.
At first, I assumed it was caused by how I would "roleplay" as male characters in these little stories me and an internet friend would do... But then I discovered the term "Gender Identity Disorder" through someone on the same forum I roleplayed on.
I never spoke to the guy, but he kept talking about this "disorder", and it got me curious.. And so I looked it up on Google, and honestly there were a
lot of things in what I found that didn't "fit" me.. But still, I thought to myself "Maybe this is why I keep thinking of myself as a boy? Maybe I'm like that guy?".
I was scared to actually
be like "that guy", though, so I was in denial for a long time and kept coming up with "reasons" why I'm
not trans, such as:
The fact that I had a very "typical" childhood for a "girl". I loved the color pink, anything that glittered, fairies, princess, dresses and bows.. Never once during my childhood did I stop and think "Wait a minute! All this girly stuff just doesn't feel right!".
Which just didn't fit the criteria of what being trans was at the time. I mean, anytime I'd hear a story about a trans woman explaining how she knew she was a girl, she'd always describe her childhood to be
exactly like mine was.. feminine.
I had never heard a trans man describe how he "knew" he was a boy, but I just assumed that the opposite must be true for trans guys - that their childhoods
must be masculine. That they had to be total "tomboys" to be trans.
Fast forward to around age 17-18, and it finally hit me:
"But wait - cis guys can be feminine and still be men, right? So why can't trans men?".
I
finally realized that masculinity wasn't a requirement to be a trans man, and femininity wasn't a requirement to be a trans woman. That society refuses to see our identity as valid due to our appearance. That the only way they'll "accept" us is if we restrict ourselves to a
stereotype of what our identity dresses like, speaks like, acts like, etc.
And that's when the denial slowly started to chip away, and I started to come to accept myself as who I am - a feminine man.
Mind you, I still have my days where I'm feeling anxious and think to myself "
But what if I'm wrong??" (which is part of the reason why I'm still in the closet) - but those days are much less common than they used to be.
And you know what? Even though the whole mind-body-mismatch tends to be a big pain in the neck, I suppose I'm a bit lucky to have been born the way I was.. I mean, had I been born a cis boy, I'd have been the victim of a lot of bullying for being as feminine as I was/am. So at least I was free to enjoy that feminine childhood of mine - I know many didn't get that chance.
