But this was the 80s and I didn't live in the states back then.

Basically I was 7-10 years old and my cousins who were in their 20s would do girl stuff with me. Paint my nails and I would even try on dresses with  them. I had the best times with them.  They knew I was happier appearing as a girl. But they kept it a secret.

My mom's cousin would even take her old tight pants and take them in to my size and we would dress up like punk girls.

Unfortunately I didn't know then what I did now and attitude to LGBT was way more hostile, especially in my country. I think it was even illegal to be anything but straight and cis but the law was ignored.

Just some random memories. I wish I knew then what I knew now.

Sounds like survival was your best option in that climate. I hope things are much better for you now.

That was the wisest thing to do given the climate of the 1980s.

Quote from: gennee on August 25, 2014, 03:48:34 PM
That was the wisest thing to do given the climate of the 1980s.

Yeah, I know.

I am from the Caribbean where the culture is to basically treat anyone who isn't straight and cis like a piece of garbage. In some countries like Jamaica you would probably be killed in some places. I've mentioned Jowelle DeSouza a few times here who was arrested and strip searched for attacking the paparazzi who was harassing her. She is a brave woman, and someone I look up to a lot.

I don't think it was possible for me to have come out when I was younger (Not that I have now). I had all these weird feelings, but GD for me didn't really start until I was 16, when I could put a name to those feelings. Before puberty, I thought I was just 'girly', and I don't remember having any GD at that age.

I probably could have come out myself given the memories of myself in my childhood acting very tomboyish and acting out when they bought gender appropriate clothing but it was the 1990s and I come from a South American family. In such a Spanish culture, lesbian, gay and bisexual was not really a regular thing and transgender was just unheard of. We may have moved to the United States but the cultural barrier still existed.

I frequently struggle with the idea that I should've done things differently in life. It helps to repeat this movie quote to myself like a mantra -
"If you keep going over the past, you're going to end up with a thousand pasts and no future."

Ooh, I like that quote. What's it from?

Quote from: flowers on September 01, 2014, 12:04:06 PM
I frequently struggle with the idea that I should've done things differently in life. It helps to repeat this movie quote to myself like a mantra -
"If you keep going over the past, you're going to end up with a thousand pasts and no future."

True! So the solution is to move forward, which I am doing.

I know how you feel. When I think back to my first memories of me not feeling like a girl (I'm ftm), I memorize things from when I was like 9-10 years old. I also wish I knew what I know now. I remember having a casual conversation with my dad, I don't remember the topic, but I remember he ended it with something like "but I guess you're pretty comfortable being a girl", and I was just like ".....yeah sure.... ". It would be nice if I had just said no instead, lol.

Yeah, my mother tells me now that I could have come out as a child in the late 80's. But I knew then and I know now that would have never been allowed. Hell, it wasn't like I didn't drop a thousand hints for 8 friggin years straight. But they were hostile about it every time.