Follow your heart. If I was tossed aside and fell in love with a new that is fully welcoming I would not look back. However the ex was always there for you. This is a dilemma.

VERY tough decision.  I am in a state of depression that is getting a little better, but I shouldn't try to give advice to you in my present mental state.  Just want to say, I hope for the best for you.

Johanna.

This is something that you are gonna' have to decide by what is in your own heart. But this is my opinion, your Ex had the chance and she dumped you. You found another girl that really seems to be into you. A lot of times we want what someone else has and this new girl has you and your ex don't. Me personally I would stay with the new girl and tell my ex that I love her for a friend and it was a good 15 years but lets keep it at friends since it seems so much better as friends than lovers. But that's just me. Been in that situation before and when I messed something else up for and ex, I got dumped again. And the sad thing is that I would consider the possibilities if they ever arose again.

But You have to do what you feel in your heart is right. Don't listen to me because I really don't know what I would do either. Sorry michelle that my advice kind of sux and is about as helpful as a toothache.

The ex was always there for you.... until she wasn't. Trust is everything; it has been broken and I would not let her back into my life again. She left for a reason and you even gave her a chance to come back and she declined. If you let her back into your life - what then? The relationship would not be the same and leaving would be far easier for her the next time. I would focus on the new person and not look back.

lol wow that is an interesting turn of events . maybe that ship has sailed for her , or not , you have to just do what your heart tells you to do it does not seem like it took you very long to move on to someone else  some people after separation need to take years to get over someone and begin dating again so maybe you do just see her as more of a friend and you shouldnt stay with someone out of a feeling of obligation you have do follow your feelings when it comes to relationships so really consider your feelings and identify them . your the only one who knows how you feel so its hard for anyone  to say what you should do . you have to be aware of your own feelings if you dont have that self awareness your going to be making a lot of mistakes that will lead to your unhappiness . 

After hearing all of this, it would seem, if it happened to me, that logically the new girl would get my vote. Still a tough call, though.

To me, it seems obvious that both you and your ex still love each other. But.... is it the same kind of love you have with your current girlfriend?  Did your love morph from a true partner to friendship?  Did hers?  And your love for your current gf, is it the kind that will last as it is, or will it morph as well to something different. 

Take this with a grain of salt if you want.  I put these questions out there to get you thinking, and with both your heart and brain, not just one or the other.  Whatever you decide is not going to be easy on anybody involved, especially you.

I also phrased these questions so as not to question if you love one girl more than the other, just what type of love is actually present. My wife and mine's love for each other ended up morphing from true partnership to friendship (mainly because of trust issues arrising indirectly and unknowingly from my being trans).  If anything we actually love each other more now than before, and our relationship is stronger as a result.  It's just not a true partnership anymore and is now friendship, but bff's. 

Look into yourself and try to see the ties that bind, and figure out what kind of ties those are.  Then you should be able to make the decision you need to.  If it helps, calm yourself through basic meditation techniques so you don't become over emotional in your search.

I hope it helps

Quote from: jeninindiana on August 27, 2014, 06:24:30 PM
lol wow that is an interesting turn of events . maybe that ship has sailed for her , or not , you have to just do what your heart tells you to do it does not seem like it took you very long to move on to someone else  some people after separation need to take years to get over someone and begin dating again so maybe you do just see her as more of a friend and you shouldnt stay with someone out of a feeling of obligation you have do follow your feelings when it comes to relationships so really consider your feelings and identify them . your the only one who knows how you feel so its hard for anyone  to say what you should do . you have to be aware of your own feelings if you dont have that self awareness your going to be making a lot of mistakes that will lead to your unhappiness . 

It didn't take me long at all. I went on OKCupid like two weeks after because I got tired of being miserable and alone and started going on dates the next day. I did meet anyone serious there, but made a couple of good friends, which is very nice. But I met my new gf about three months after the breakup and we've pretty much have been together ever since. I think there was maybe two or three days that we didn't see each other since we've been together. I was seeing my ex as more of a friend and then she dropped the bomb on me telling me she loved me and wanted me back. I have to admit that I wasn't the nicest person in the world the past couple of years. I didn't yell or abuse but I was distant. She was too, we didn't communicate at all, I slept on the couch for about two years, it was pretty much like we were broken up already. But since coming out and everything, I'm a lot happier, I communicate my feelings and I'm everything she was looking for before. Except for the trans part. We have talked about what would happen if we got back together after surgery and she doesn't know how she feels about that, whereas my new gf is a lesbian.
Everything was great until the I want you back thing. I told her that it was unfair to do that to me.

yes if she is not a lesbian that is going to be an issue for her if she is attracted to men . you want a romantic relationship so if she is not attracted to women then I would think that relationship would be doomed before you throw what you have away think about why your ex wants you back if she has always been attracted to men its unlikely she is suddenly attracted to women I guess its possible but you really cant worry about making other people happy you have to make yourself happy . you may always feel love for eachother but is that romantic love and isn't that what you want?