I've been planning to make this topic since before I joined about a week ago, but I kept putting it off. Basically I'd like some advice on coming out. I've done a lot of research on this and I'd like to do it very soon, so I just wanted to get some last minute tips. I guess I should explain my situation.
I don't want to come out to everyone right away(I should probably mention I'm out to no one and pre-everything) I want to come out to my mother first. The thing is I can't start transitioning until I tell her, so I'd like to do it as soon as possible. I think she will accept it but, I obviously can't be sure. I know she is accepting of people who are gay(not the same thing but at least it's a start). We actually had a short talk in the car recently about transgender people. She said that she didn't understand it. I said that was because, she wasn't trans. She then said something like "I know, I don't mean I don't understand it like (said in a weird voice) I don't understand it and no one should do it ( return to normal voice:) ) I just mean I don't get it. Then I told her about Andreja Pejic and after that the convo pretty much ended.
Now in the past she's been for the most part pretty accepting of my "feminine" tendencies. She let me play with dolls as a child and play dress up when I was even younger. She even took me to get my eyebrows threaded once(something I would love to have done again, I still suck at plucking:( even though I've been plucking in between the brows for years). She's let me grow my hair and hasn't bugged me to get it cut short like my aunt has(though she does want me to get it cut into a style, but she isn't really bugging me to do it). So I think she'll be accepting even though I expect her to have some trouble in the beginning.
I'd also like to come out to my grandmother. I'm almost positive she'll be fine with it. She also was fine with me being more feminine as a child. I know she is accepting of gay people, She boycotted chik fil a when it came out that they supported an anti-gay marriage charity and she used to love it. I know she seems accepting of trans people too because, the other day we were talking about Orange is the new black (love that show! ) and she said how she thought it was great that Sophia(Laverne Cox) was played by an actual transwoman and not just a cis actress (although she actually called her a ->-bleeped-<- but I corrected her). I think I'd like to come out to my mother first because, while I am close to my grandmother and I know she'll be accepting, I'm closer with my mom. The next person I'd like to come out to is my best friend, but this post is long enough so I'll either figure that out on my own or post about it later.
Some advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks


PS
Sorry about the over use of parenthesis, smiley faces and any typos or grammar mistakes, but I'm really nervous.

Hi Ashtyn 

You know, there's really no blueprint for coming out to people.  I would say that there is, however, one prerequisite: 

You need to be absolutely clear in your head that you want to do this, and to have your story ready.  Your self confidence is going to be paramount and you need to be brave!

Be ready to explain three things to people:  the past - what you have felt and why;  the present - where you are now and what you're doing about it; the future - what you're going to do going forward.   If you have this story clear it will really help.  I laboured on it for several weeks in written form.

Planning is also important, and partly that's a personality thing.  Your mom sounds like a great person, so I don't think you will have problems.  But prepare a plan B and maybe a plan C - for example if you might need to stay over at a friend for a few days or something.  Make a list of all the risks you can think of.  Look at each risk and think about its consequences and the remedial actions you would need to take.  Write these down.

The rest is up to you.  A face-to-face chat; an email, whatever you feel comfortable with.  Bring with a list of the key things you want to say, and ask people to listen to all of it before they ask questions.

Be aware that when you tell your family these things there will be some inevitable disappointment that their son/brother is going to turn into a girl.  But really, as a person, you're not going to change - you'll be the same but with different wrapping  .

It's funny - coming out is a huge thing, but if you're lucky and you have family and friends who love you and support you, it doesn't need to be hard.

Does this make sense?

Hugs
Julia

If your mother has a hard time understanding why anyone would be trans and that they shouldn't do it then you might have a hard time convincing her, at least initially. Think about what you would like to gain from telling her: love, acceptance, understanding, access to treatment? What do you feel, as a person coming to terms with your gender identity, is your future course of action. Hard things to answer but the sort of answers parents usually want to hear. I agree with Julia - you need a few back up plans and approaches.

Quote from: Ashtyn on August 29, 2014, 01:22:08 AM
Then I told her about Andreja Pejic and after that the convo pretty much ended.

You certainly picked an inspirational person to use as an example..!
There are some wonderful written interviews with Andreja about coming out, just so simple, sweet and moving..
There is one particular interview recently with Andreja's mom Jadranka, that I would bet your mom, grandmothers, etc. would really relate to and enjoy reading..?
I'd be happy to send you links to them if you msg me.. Whatever I can do to help..

Thanks for advice everyone. I'm sorry for posting something and then taking forever to reply to your replies. That was super rude of me, I've just been kind of busy and haven't had much time to check the forums. I just wanted to say I read your advice and will take it all into account when I finally work up the nerve to come out.