Hi Brenda

These ups and downs do happen from time to time.   For example, in my case if I'm ill or about to break a cold I feel generally insecure and sometimes it manifests as "Am I doing the right thing?".    Or after a bad day for whatever reason when I'm not in my usual mental state.

I really would not worry unless these feelings become more frequent or deepen in intensity. 

Hugs
Julia

I was just reading things... I wonder if the media, peer pressure and society in general with it's negativity towards trans people plays a role in making you second guess yourself sometimes..? It's just that when so many people think something is wrong, even when it is NOT, that has an effect that we don't realize sometimes..?

Quote from: Mark3 on August 29, 2014, 09:06:20 AM
I was just reading things... I wonder if the media, peer pressure and society in general with it's negativity towards trans people plays a role in making you second guess yourself sometimes..? It's just that when so many people think something is wrong, even when it is NOT, that has an effect that we don't realize sometimes..?

Without a doubt these influence us all greatly.  While some uncertainty comes from questioning whether we're actually trans or not, some absolutely comes from questioning whether it's worth the pain and trouble to go through life actually out as trans in light of continued (but improving) negative portrayals of us in the media and in public opinion.  Times are changing for the better though, slowly but surely.

No if anything the reactions have made it easier. I've had a very positive experience with the exception of 2 out of my 3 sisters. I was very surprised. My doubt is in the permanence of it. I have no problems going sterile. I don't think babies are for me. I don't even think I have a problem with going laser on my facial hair. I think my biggest issue is the surgery. It scares the crap out of me. There is a girl on youtube that is awesome called princess jules. Her surgery went really badly, which actually didn't phase me since I know how bad it is to begin with. She had massive problems with recovery and was stuck in the hospital for 2 days longer than the other girls that had the surgery. I know I don't want my tool, but getting rid of it isn't going to be fun.

Quote from: Mark3 on August 29, 2014, 09:06:20 AM
I was just reading things... I wonder if the media, peer pressure and society in general with it's negativity towards trans people plays a role in making you second guess yourself sometimes..? It's just that when so many people think something is wrong, even when it is NOT, that has an effect that we don't realize sometimes..?

Quote from: awilliams1701 on August 29, 2014, 04:11:07 PM
No if anything the reactions have made it easier. I've had a very positive experience with the exception of 2 out of my 3 sisters. I was very surprised. My doubt is in the permanence of it. I have no problems going sterile. I don't think babies are for me. I don't even think I have a problem with going laser on my facial hair. I think my biggest issue is the surgery. It scares the crap out of me. There is a girl on youtube that is awesome called princess jules. Her surgery went really badly, which actually didn't phase me since I know how bad it is to begin with. She had massive problems with recovery and was stuck in the hospital for 2 days longer than the other girls that had the surgery. I know I don't want my tool, but getting rid of it isn't going to be fun.

Hiya sister

Acceptance of the permanence of surgery takes time - it's a slow mental process and it's one that frankly should scare you due to its significance.

Probably you shall find in time that you are either ready for it, or have decided that you don't want the surgery - both options are perfectly valid.  At the start of this year I began contemplating FFS and SRS very seriously, and in fact FFS scared me much more than SRS due to it being my face - the most visible and defining part of me.  And the FFS went just fine - I'm still me.  And from a few months ago I also entered the mental space where I know I am ready for SRS.

Getting rid of your penis is of course not going to be fun, but when you're ready for it, the procedure will just become something you have to do. 

I don't pay attention to the scare story videos in the same way that I read about aircraft accidents but keep flying.   

Hugs
Julia

The girl on youtube that had issues said that she believes you can never truly be ready for it. She was as ready as she was going to be. After she woke up she started to regret it for the next few weeks, but after a month or so she doesn't regret it anymore and thinks its the best thing ever.

I suspect its going to be like that with me. I hope I don't end up with her complications. But at the end of the day, I can't see me keeping this thing.

http://www.avitale.com/TNote15Testosterone.htm

Quote from: Juliett on August 29, 2014, 01:58:02 AM
Oh wow! I always said that my brain was wired differently, but i didn't realize it was physically similar to cis women.

bah, didn't get to quote this correctly.. ..  the Testosterone Note.. -may- explain myself... but.. i still believe the DES cause much more likely..

I've been watching Jules for quite a while... cried when she posted those video updates..

Quote from: suzifrommd on August 26, 2014, 05:41:00 PM
A trans friend of mine is fond of pointing out that cisgender people basically never think or brood about their gender. The fact that you're even fighting the battle at all is pretty telling.

I spent years convinced that I wasn't really trans.  Then it dawned on me that most guys don't wish they had a vagina.  And as Suzi said, they definitely don't suffer from depression over it.  That's when I finally accepted that I really am transgender.

Quote from: awilliams1701 on August 30, 2014, 06:06:30 PM
The girl on youtube that had issues said that she believes you can never truly be ready for it. She was as ready as she was going to be. After she woke up she started to regret it for the next few weeks, but after a month or so she doesn't regret it anymore and thinks its the best thing ever.

I've watched Jules quite a bit too, and I think she's awesome.  But she seems like she could be a bit of a drama queen.  I'm not saying her recovery wasn't rough.  But like Julia said, don't pay too much attention to the horror stories.  Keep your eyes open and know what's possible, but don't fixate on the possibilities -- they are rare.

Well unless Jules lied, she did spend longer in recovery than the other girls.

Quote from: Juliett on August 29, 2014, 01:58:02 AM
Oh wow! I always said that my brain was wired differently, but i didn't realize it was physically similar to cis women.

Here's my growing list of brain differences in trans people. It's rather long and points to lots of formal science papers so be prepared to be bored.

One Stop Trans Brain Research List

Quote from: LizMarie on August 31, 2014, 12:06:58 AM
Here's my growing list of brain differences in trans people. It's rather long and points to lots of formal science papers so be prepared to be bored.

One Stop Trans Brain Research List

Thanks LizMarie, I have always wanted to understand where all these feelings come from and it has been difficult to find an answer, I know that I was born a woman in the wrong body but never really understood why, hopefully this reading could shed some light about it.