Hello all, Today was the hardest day of my life...I am 57, soon to be 58. I have held in and hidden the fact I have always wanted to be female. In my preteen and teen age years I would slip into my sister room, steal her clothing, when none was around I would dress up and walk around the house. I have been in the closet for about 50 years now...Two months ago my wife told me she wanted a divorce, I was heartbroken and devastated, my entire world collapsed. She also told me we could no longer afford to pay the property taxes on our home...long story short, we should lose the house by the end of the year. When she told she wanted a divorce my first thoughts were "she found out" I felt completely alone in the world, I didn't know what to do, where to go, or who to turn to...I was completely lost. As the days passed I became more and more depressed and feeling hopeless. I kept asking why did I have to be like this? Why was I born this way? I don't want to be like this...I just want to be normal...I realized that I hated my self and have for most of my life, never feeling good enough, always ashamed, guilty, hiding in a closet if you will. I sat and asked God if He would forgive me if I took my own life. I love to pray and talk to God, one day about 10 days ago I was on my knees asking again "why" then I admitted to Him that I was gay and always wanted to be a girl, and asked for forgiveness and what should I do? It felt like someone turned a switch on or off I am sure which way, but I knew everything would be ok. A few days went by and I decided it was time to come clean, get help and let the chip fall where they may. Today, I told my mother I was gay and had always wanted to be girl, I cried like a little girl while telling her. She just smiled and said, you are mine, I will always love you no matter what, don't ever be afraid to come to me...I love you!
