I can't seem to stop smiling. I've got a bounce in my step. It feels like nothing can bring me down.
Everything in my life seems better than it has ever been. I feel like I've found myself completely. I may still be living in a male body, but everything about me screams GIRL. I feel like it practically radiates from me, like everyone can see my true gender. And if they can't, well I don't care, because that mental wall that kept the real me, the girly, animated, expressive, happy me separated from the outside world is GONE and there's no going back.
I've also found my soul mate. Someone who makes me happy in every way, who loves me for me, encourages and nurtures me, doesn't try to change me, always puts my feelings first, just... Everything I've ever wanted and so much more. There really aren't enough words to describe how amazing she is. As I told her a few days ago, she's the closest thing to an angel this world will ever know.
And... Somehow I've finally managed to overcome the pain my ex put me through. It wasn't easy. At all. That relationship traumatized me in a lot of ways. Long after we broke up, I still experienced panic attacks, nightmares... I was broken and terrified. I felt violated, betrayed, used... Worthless. It took so long to pull myself back up out of the black pit she dug for me. And I felt so much anger... SO much anger. Then... I saw her a few days ago. While being faced with her again initially made me incredibly nauseous and dredged up such excruciating emotional pain, it eventually started to fade away when I realized something. She was miserable. Her life had pretty much totally fallen apart without me. Suddenly this big, scary monster that tormented me through nightmares and memories seemed... pathetic. Powerless. All the negativity she made me feel started to fade away. It was like a huge weight had been lifted.
The nightmare is over and my life can truly begin. I guess I wanted to let everyone know, because so many of you posted in that thread I made a while back about the pain I was going through confronting my past with my ex. I wanted you to know I'm okay now. So much better than okay. Better than I've ever been. And it's in large part to the people on this site who helped heal me and find my way when I was so, so lost.
So I wanted to say thank you, and I love you. And this time, instead of asking for a hug, I'm here to give them to all of you.
*holds out her arms, smiling*
