Hello! My name is ridiculous, but "Luca" was taken. I'm going to laugh every time I log in...
How are you today?
I realized I was transgender a month ago. I'm not one of those people who grew up knowing, because I'm genderfluid and was able to assimilate well enough with people of the same birth sex. I've been fascinated with (or a victim of) gender since I was a small child, maybe 4 or 5.
Since my realization, everything about myself has made more sense, but at the same time I feel broken or like I'm lying to everyone (for being one thing on the outside and something else inside). I try not to let it get to me, but I occasionally have quite unpleasant moments. I'm already seeing a therapist. I've only seen him twice, but I like him so far (he's much more helpful than the last one I tried seeing about a different issue).
I identify as transmasculine or FTN. I wonder if I'm FTM in denial, but time will tell. Anyway, when I was a kid, I thought I was an in-between, not a boy necessarily.
I might as well ask my question in my intro.
How do I go about using my gender-neutral name in public? I'm an adult and my birth name appears on my credit cards and any forms I might fill out. I don't want a legal name change yet; it's just a social name. How do I work around this conflict?
For example. I was daydreaming about joining a Tai Chi or Kickboxing class, and realized my birth name would appear on the roster. Or, somewhere, since I'd have to sign up and pay with my legal name. I'd say, "Actually, call me Luca," and they'd be like, "What, how is that even related to your name?" and even if they didn't suspect that I was transgender, they'd know something was up with my identity. I'd feel self-conscious. Well, more than I do normally.
