Like Eva I always knew I was different.  But it wasn't until last year at age 56 that I figured out I was trans.   Looking back I wonder how I could not have know earlier.   But I guess I was in such denial that I was not able to even consider the possibility.  Then I could and I had no doubt.

I can't say whether or not you're trans (I second the recommendation of a therapist), but I figured it out when I was 32. No joke. Because of the insistence that "everyone knows" as a kid, I thought for a while that I was faking - but I was fully transitioned within 11 months and had bottom surgery 2 years ago,  and am thrilled with all of it, so I think I'm really trans.

From my first memories. Until someone told me that girls had a V and boys had a P, I though t I was just another girl. About the age of 4 when my cousin and I were in the bathtub together I realized something was really wrong with me. Back then it was normal for kids to take baths together. It really worried me at the time.

Well I remember sitting on a blanket in my backyard with a kindergarten friend.  We were 5.  She was a tomboy and was going on about how she wanted to be a boy.  I remember thinking that I wanted to be a girl but never said it to her.  I already knew that I wasn't suppose to say things like that.  Interesting this is one of my earliest memories and at 52 I can still remember it like it was yesterday.

Quote from: Paige on September 04, 2014, 10:09:00 PM
Well I remember sitting on a blanket in my backyard with a kindergarten friend.  We were 5.  She was a tomboy and was going on about how she wanted to be a boy.  I remember thinking that I wanted to be a girl but never said it to her.  I already knew that I wasn't suppose to say things like that.  Interesting this is one of my earliest memories and at 52 I can still remember it like it was yesterday.

Kind of sux don't it? Girls get to be tomboys and cute and boys can't be sissy girls without negative crap being said about them even at that age. Well I was a sissy and still am and really proud of it for the most part. I hate double standards.

Quote from: Jess42 on September 04, 2014, 09:37:38 PM
From my first memories. Until someone told me that girls had a V and boys had a P, I though t I was just another girl. About the age of 4 when my cousin and I were in the bathtub together I realized something was really wrong with me. Back then it was normal for kids to take baths together. It really worried me at the time.

A little reversal and you pretty much have my story there.

Quote from: LordKAT on September 05, 2014, 12:04:09 AM
A little reversal and you pretty much have my story there.

I'm glad I'm not the only one. Only thing I really knew was pee pee came out of it at that age. My god, my cousin didn't have that funny looking thing between her legs. I may have even thought I was deformed or something. Anyway that is when I realized something wasn't quite right.

Quote from: Jess42 on September 05, 2014, 12:11:56 AM
I'm glad I'm not the only one. Only thing I really knew was pee pee came out of it at that age. My god, my cousin didn't have that funny looking thing between her legs. I may have even thought I was deformed or something. Anyway that is when I realized something wasn't quite right.

When my brother was born, he was circumcised. I thought that must be what happened to me, only somehow I was super circumcised. I thought it would grow back.  Silly me.  I went through so many thoughts back then.

Quote from: LordKAT on September 05, 2014, 12:35:52 AM
When my brother was born, he was circumcised. I thought that must be what happened to me, only somehow I was super circumcised. I thought it would grow back.  Silly me.  I went through so many thoughts back then.

God I wish they would have circumcised me like that. Yeah some of the things you think when you are kid.

I knew I was different somehow fairly early on, but it wasn't until puberty set in that I started having dysphoria. I was a fairly gender-neutral child: not masculine, but not terribly feminine either. People said I was a boy, I didn't know anything else, so I just kinda went along with it. I had some gender-incongruent thoughts as a child, but not like what hit me once adolescence set in. The thing is, I was so preoccupied with bullying and depression at the time, that I didn't see it for what it was. That, and it never really occurred to me how unusual questioning one's gender really is. I guess what gets me now is that I had an inkling that I was trans ten years ago, but didn't put the pieces together until about two years ago.

When I was 9 I used to make a wish on the North Star that I'd just wake up the next day and be a girl.

When I was in my teens I used to sneak clothes and dress in my bedroom to feel normal.

In my early twenties I almost went for it and started transitioning, but I knew working at a fast food place and on my own I couldn't afford it.  A year after I started agonizing about it I decided to squash it again when I fell in love with the woman I married.  I am bisexual so I've been attracted to both genders but my wife just got me in ways most others didn't.

I hid this from her for years, with my urge to be who I was popping up every so often.  I'm 37 now and just trying to work it all out once and for all before I bring it up to her, but at this point I definitely know I'm not who I need to be.

Really though, if it hadn't been hammered into me by so many that I was a boy and that acting girly was wrong I probably would have gone ahead in my early twentied or even had the courage to talk to my mother about it in my teens. 

Age 11: Wish I was a girl I don't want to grow up to be a man.
Age 13: hearing about TS/TV/CD from some crappy American talk show No no not like *THAT*
Age 15: Okay I would like to be a girl, But I could live with begin a very androgynous guy. I can compromise with this (Long hair + Epilates Facial hair)
Age 17: So I present as a girl online, and have Put girls clothes on to pose as one, I'm not wearing any makeup/Dress trashy It's not sexual.
Age 19: My body is too male to present as a woman *Depression* Please make me female.
Age 21: Tell GP and he's not friendly *suicidally depressed* Fine. I accept it. I'm a Transsexual. I'm independent from my family now, what do I want to live for?

So either 11 or 21.

OK, I'll bite.

Age 4- wanted to wear girls' things.  Wasn't aware of physical difference.  Thought it must have been a sort of preference of your parents or something.
Age 4-7 - most of my friends were girls.  I mean, the vast majority.  Boys were mean to me.  Started trying to shove my genitalia back inside of me.
Age 5 - My brother had an undescended testicle removed due to cryptorchidism (DES, anyone?).  I asked my mom what those were for.  Her reply- "Those are so you can grow up to be a man, grow a beard and have kids." My thoughts at the time - "So I don't really need them."
Age 8 - Wore my friends sister's clothes because mine were covered in mud and in the wash.  Fantasized about trading places with her.
Age 10 or so - asked my mom what my name would have been if I was FAAB.
Age 12 - Felt the first negative mental effects of T.  Felt sick to my stomach for months off and on, maybe a year.
Age 13 - Sister born.  I lost sleep because I was insanely jealous.
Age 17 - Lost virginity to a girl.  Wanted to BE her worse than I wanted to do her.
Age 18 - Numbed myself with all the booze and drugs I could get, distracted myself with music.  Resigned myself to being a guy and stuffed those feelings of being a girl down deep. *le sigh* 
Age 20 - Grew out hair and pierced ears.  Dreamed I was female on the outside all the time.  Became fascinated with transsexual stories on TV.  Still in denial.  Didn't think it was so bad that I'd have to transition or anything.
Age 21 - Pierced nose when like the only other dude who did that was Slash.
Age 23 - Met my wife.  She told me her last boyfriend was a crossdresser.  I buried it SO deep because I loved her and didn't want to f*** it up.
Age 25 - Started growing moobs.  Hey, a girl can always dream, right?  Weight yo-yo'ed for years.  Dysphoria always worse when skinny.
Age 28-42.  The dark ages.  Fat, drunk and high all the time.  Still in ignore, suppress, deny cycle.
Age 42 - Got severe diverticulitis and other health problems.  Got super skinny.  Urge to present female at all time high.  When I had sigmoid colon removed, I was aware I could not have that kind of SRS, still in denial! (Damn, I'm thick!)
Age 42-43 - Put on 25 pounds of muscle.  Testosterone spiked frequently, making me miserable.  Hair loss - UGH!  Then my meltdown...
Age 43 - Admitted to myself and wife that I was gender variant, FINALLY started presenting female, took HRT, then realized I was truly a transsexual.  Went full time 3/13.

Um, this one is tricky. It takes time to realize who you actually are. But at 4, I really thought I should be a girl and would grow up to be one. I "dated" one sweetheart when I was 5, and I didn't really understand why she liked me. I was like her!! But I realized the physical difference by that age. When I was 6, I had a girlfriend and we actually kissed each other. But I still thought I should be a girl. I actually broke up with her and then we remained friends and basically all my friends were girls, and I'd play a lot. I never got called any names, so I never thought I was "different", maybe I led my life like I was a girl like them? Obviously I knew I wasn't completely like them, but I had a hope I'd grow up to become so. My dreams were shattered when my parents decided to make me and my brother switch schools. Then I started being called a ->-bleeped-<-, gay, sissy, in the 5th grade. I became overwhelmed by feelings of dysphoria when puberty started for me, though I've stayed fairly undermasculinized, and my parents were always fighting. My pain became too much to bear and I just couldn't handle it. Looking like a boy and not belonging to the girls' club really hurt me beyond explainable.

For as long as I knew myself, which I would say is around 3-4 years of age, I have wanted to be a girl. I can't remember how I first heard of the words "sex change" but when I did I knew that I wished I could get one. I might have been around 8-10 years old. 

I had a "girlfriend" who I would go and play with when I was little, but we'd play with her toys. I had more fun playing with her toys - dolls, doll houses, etc. We stopped going there. I have no idea why. (I can guess why now.) I played house with my female cousin who lived next door. Played hopscotch, asked to play with jacks and other stuff. My parents were really hesitant and I think they knew but did their best to keep me on the straight and cis path. Speaking of which, I never really had any gay thoughts. Never was into boys or men.

When I was growing up we weren't flooded with media and information. We had no Internet. We didn't even have cable TV. Oh, we also had the library but it was in the city and I lived in a rural area. I didn't go often.

You know what one of the biggest triggers for me were? School uniforms. School uniforms were bland of course but they signified girlhood. I wanted that badly, so much so that I would sneak out at night and go borrow my cousin's school uniform next door from the clothes line, dress with it and return it before the sun came up. Nobody ever found out. I would even borrow our housekeeper's clothes when she wasn't looking. Why not my mom's? Mom and dad split early on. When I did go to mom's for the weekend/week, I did dress up in her clothes. I was in heaven. I was ME and it felt GREAT even though her fashion sense wasn't all that great. I didn't care, as long as I could be female, at least superficially.

When one of my cousins was in secondary school, she developed quickly, big boobs, hips and all. I was going crazy because she did and I didn't. My cousins wear a new outfit? I would get extremely jealous.

One of my dad's cousins enabled me and actually allowed me to dress up in girl sized dresses which were my size while I stayed there. I was overjoyed. We were careful to change back before my dad came to pick me up though. They even said repeatedly that I looked better as a girl. Again, I was in heaven. They "got" me. I really wanted to tell my dad so bad but I knew it would end really badly.

My teenage years were absolutely horrible. When the T kicked in, I don't know what the heck happened. I was a straight A student then I became a straight B and C one. I also developed a serious BO problem despite proper hygiene I could never really get rid of it. I was completely mortified to the point of crying over it a lot. I hated my body hair and would shave it and cut it  a lot. In fact I even wanted to cut "it" off a couple of times. Oh by the way for my boy school uniform I would always choose the pants a bit tighter than it should be, because it felt closer to my skin and thus more feminine. That is until I went to secondary school and started wearing trousers instead of shorts.

Anyway, I did my best to suppress my dysphoria, burying myself in school, work, hobbies, politics (I worked in my MP's office) and finding a girlfriend. I succeeded at most, except one of the above, because I made so many "girlfriends" who were girls who were with my friends... sooo my clubbing days between 18-22 were basically girls nights out, me included.

Oh one more thing, I think it was even worse for me because I lived with my dad, I had absolutely no female clothes to dress with, except from my cousin, and I had to borrow it when I was home alone and my aunt was working outside.

Sorry for rambling on... but to sum it up, yes I knew early. Yes, it was and is persistent and no, it's not going away until it's fixed.

Quote from: ImagineKate on September 10, 2014, 02:42:19 PM

My teenage years were absolutely horrible. When the T kicked in, I don't know what the heck happened. I was a straight A student then I became a straight B and C one. I also developed a serious BO problem despite proper hygiene I could never really get rid of it. I was completely mortified to the point of crying over it a lot. I hated my body hair and would shave it and cut it  a lot. In fact I even wanted to cut "it" off a couple of times. Oh by the way for my boy school uniform I would always choose the pants a bit tighter than it should be, because it felt closer to my skin and thus more feminine. That is until I went to secondary school and started wearing trousers instead of shorts.

This happened to me as well.  I was one of the brightest kids in school, and then in 7th/8th grade, the idiot bomb went off.  ADD issues, brainfog, depression, anxiety, then getting my ass kicked all the time on top of it.  I was suddenly a C student.  I think I must have acclimated to T by 9th grade, because I was almost a straight "A" student, even in advanced classes.  I never got much body hair until I was in my early-mid 20s, but I hated it.  I had to shower all the time to get rid of the funk on me, and my wife even commented that I smelled pretty rancid, even for a dude.  It's like my body was trying to tell me that I was reacting badly to testosterone.  As soon as I got on full strenght HRT, my natural smell actually became pleasant, as if it was the way things should always have been.

  I felt I was different from everyone else from a very young age but I had no solid idea why.  I won't get into my whole story except to say that my life went downhill all the way to age 35 when I stumbled upon the right information to sort out my identity.  Things really started getting better quickly once I began HRT the next year because it cured some chronic physical ills I'd suffered for twenty years.  I am completely changed in peace of mind and physical comfort - better than at any point in my entire life.

Knew when I was five years old; desperately wanted to be included among the girls, desperately wanted to grow my hair and fit in, etc. etc.

Discovered ->-bleeped-<-/transexualism in 4th grade when googling "Help I'm a boy who wants to be a girl!!!", discovered that to my great personal horror there was no cure for what I was, and thus made it my personal mission to transition the moment I could.

Now in mid 20s, few years into transition, and never regretted going forward with this for even a moment!!!!

Sjones111, stop. Just stop.

Some trans people put things together very early. Some do not.

Before you do anything else, please read this.

"That was dysphoria?" 8 signs and symptoms of indirect gender dysphoria

Some people realize they are different when younger. I did. But to call myself transgender? I didn't even have the vocabulary until I was well into adulthood and then I had to shake years and years of negative social conditioning to face myself. But I knew I was different as soon as I realized that boys and girls were somehow different. I just didn't understand the full implications of that until much later.

Zinnia Jones, in this linked blog entry, discusses how gender dysphoria reared its head for her in non-obvious ways. Read it. Then stop and look back at your own life. You may be surprised.

I have had signs since I was about 9 but I only accepted and truly realized that I was trans just over a year ago, I am 46.