It's Father's Day in Australia today. Have had minimal communication with my father since coming out to him and my mother, nothing verbal in over five months. Regardless, I sent him this email anyway...

QuoteHi Dad
I realise I may not be your most popular child right now and that you may be deeply disappointed in me but I wanted to wish you a great Father's Day.

Thank you for having been there for me in the past, even when I did questionable things. I appreciate your support, strength and guidance as I was growing up and into adulthood.

Things are going great for me, better than they have in a long time. Work is busy and a number of exciting projects are kicking off.

I think of you frequently. Hope you are well and hope to see you again some time soon.

All my love
Grace

There is some reading between the lines in there, whether he even gets them or responds to them is another matter...

Grace, hugs.

It must be a very difficult day.

I hope he responds.

You are a wonderful and thoughtful daughter. 

Maybe he will respond, Grace. Don't give up, Grace. Even if he doesn't, it is wonderful that you made the first move.

Thanks, ladies.

I guess there is always hope. Not giving up on him yet, that's for sure!

I like that you showed gratitude and no bitterness. That can be a very hard thing to do sometimes.

M father died about 3 months before I was born, so never knew him, however I take my mum out to lunch every fathers day, just to say thanks for all she's done.

Today I asked how he would have been knowing that I was trans, she said "he wouldn't have cared, sure he would have missed playing kick to kick and doing boy things, but he would have been the first to show off his awesome daughter to the world"

needless to say, I balled my eyes out

Quote from: LordKAT on September 06, 2014, 10:58:12 PM
I like that you showed gratitude and no bitterness. That can be a very hard thing to do sometimes.

It might seem odd, but I'm actually more grateful towards him now than at any time in my life. When I was in my late teens/early 20s I could barely stand him. Partly that was me afraid I was "turning into him" in a physical sense but also largely just me be an immature @$$!

Quote from: Nicole on September 07, 2014, 02:08:02 AM
Today I asked how he would have been knowing that I was trans, she said "he wouldn't have cared, sure he would have missed playing kick to kick and doing boy things, but he would have been the first to show off his awesome daughter to the world"

That's very sweet!

Quote from: Ms Grace on September 07, 2014, 02:16:25 AM
It might seem odd, but I'm actually more grateful towards him now than at any time in my life. When I was in my late teens/early 20s I could barely stand him. Partly that was me afraid I was "turning into him" in a physical sense but also largely just me be an immature @$$!

This mirrors me to the letter.  I didn't want to face a future of me becoming my father and I was an idiot about expressing that. 

I had lunch with my father yesterday and it was actually pretty awesome.  His first instincts when I came out weren't great, but he's come around.  I think he's finally wrapped his head around why I wasn't like others with a 'Y' chromosome.

I love my dad.  I know this now and want to spend a lot more time with him.

I hope one day that your dad can finally comprehend what you have endured and the siginificance of what you have overcome.

I hope your father can have the strength to accept you for the woman you are, and that you are able to get to see him next Father's Day.

Quote from: Jill F on September 07, 2014, 03:21:01 AM
I hope one day that your dad can finally comprehend what you have endured and the siginificance of what you have overcome.

Quote from: rosinstraya on September 07, 2014, 03:31:46 AM
I hope your father can have the strength to accept you for the woman you are, and that you are able to get to see him next Father's Day.

Thank you both. I certainly hope so too. He's 75 and hopefully has a few more years in him yet - it would be devastating if our final years together were spent apart.

Quote from: Ms Grace on September 07, 2014, 02:16:25 AM
That's very sweet!

Thats mum.
I used to hate fathers day, just because I was missing out so much.
My mum did so much for me, being both my mum & a dad when I needed it.

I've always been told how much he was looking forward to having a baby, i'm more upset for him missing out on that, than me missing out of him

That's pretty sweet Grace. You seem to love your dad a lot.

My dad and I have had our disagreements and when I was about to leave home to emigrate to the states we were not on speaking terms.

Then 9/11/01 happened and shortly after he decided to get in touch to see if I was OK. I was hesitant because I really didn't feel like speaking to him but I went along. We talked and corresponded for a bit. Marriage #1 was on the rocks about a year later and he asked if he could visit. He came up to visit and had a good time. And we've been close ever since.

I'm hoping that he will be understanding when I come out to him. I honestly don't know what to expect because he has said a lot of transphobic things in the past. He is also very careful not to do anything which can even remotely be seen as womanly. On the other hand he did write a few short stories where he substituted a daughter for his oldest child (me) when I was growing up. I think it would still be a shock for him but he would live with it.

Thanks everyone!

I got a response from him early this morning - I think he checks his email once a day (yes, he is that old fashioned). Basically it was short and very disappointing. Apart from addressing me by my male name he basically noted he wasn't a believer in Father's Day but "thanks anyway" and he was glad to hear I was was doing well. But that was it.

I know he can be pig headed and rude but that takes it to a whole new level, it's almost as if he is deliberately attempting to make me lose respect for him. I appreciate he is going through denial, grief and anger about my transition but if he keeps it up he may well succeed. I can only hope he eventually realises what an @$$ he is being. 

Quote from: Ms Grace on September 08, 2014, 06:40:42 AM
I can only hope he eventually realises what an @$$ he is being. 

Grace, that's bound to be a painful and upsetting moment. He'll realize he had a special, beautiful, interesting, intelligent daughter but because he couldn't see past his own pigheadedness he missed out on knowing a wonderful person in whose development he had a major part.

Hugs to you and give yourself lots of credit for being able to accept things as they are and not let them eat you up.

Thanks Suzi. It's not easy but I'm determined to be the better person in all of this.

Quote from: Ms Grace on September 08, 2014, 06:40:42 AM
Thanks everyone!

I got a response from him early this morning - I think he checks his email once a day (yes, he is that old fashioned). Basically it was short and very disappointing. Apart from addressing me by my male name he basically noted he wasn't a believer in Father's Day but "thanks anyway" and he was glad to hear I was was doing well. But that was it.

I know he can be pig headed and rude but that takes it to a whole new level, it's almost as if he is deliberately attempting to make me lose respect for him. I appreciate he is going through denial, grief and anger about my transition but if he keeps it up he may well succeed. I can only hope he eventually realises what an @$$ he is being. 

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I don't know how you stay calm with all of this. What on earth does he gain from this?

It must be so upsetting, and I'm so sorry that he has treated you in this appalling way.

Hugs to you and I hope it can still work out.

Take care and look after yourself.


Ros

Quote from: Ms Grace on September 08, 2014, 07:03:02 AM
Thanks Suzi. It's not easy but I'm determined to be the better person in all of this.

That's the true part of living your life is being a better person in all you do.

Grace,

You are the Better person, Classy all the way. Your dad is a couple of years older than me, for me I have always been open minded & liberal, sorry he can't be that way for you.
Hugs
Jamie

His attitude doesn't stop me from living as the person as I want to be. It's ultimately his loss and his choice. My mother is unable to talk with him about it because he basically won't talk about about anything he doesn't want to. Somehow someone outside the family will have to be the one to get through to him, of it's at all possible.

Mmm is it time for the Cindy approach?

Knock on the door. 'Hi I'm Cindy'

Deal with it, because I'm here and in your face.