My wife and got into it about how I wasn't paying enough attention. It would be literally impossible to pay enough attention since her middle name is needy. So I said to her that, "I don't even get to me be in this relationship, so what are you complaining about. Of course, she asked what I meant by that, and I just told her. She didn't take it very well. Her first act was to bite me on the index finger so hard that I started bleeding (it is still pretty numb). I slapped her to get her to stop. We probably both could get arrested for domestic violence tonight. I tried to talk out an interim solution, but she stormed out the door and left. Everybody in the world will know my secret in 24 hours. I have no doubt that my wife will go for nuclear winter. I might be wounded, but I am free. I think I am going to like living a life without secrets.

Wow, not the same as mine but yes she will put the trans* blame one you to everyone.

Lots of luck.

That day was no violence other then trying to off my self but ended up in hand cuffs and off to the mental hospital.

So yes try and get your self committed if you get arrested due to depression etc.

wow. im so sorry it happened that way. but your probably right. i would say prepare yourself for some dirty fighting unless you two can work it out. but the weight of the secret is at least off your shoulders. if you want to make it a little better you can be the bigger person and feed her ego so she wont be quite as mean to you for the time being. it works sometimes

I have been in your heels myself girl!

Mine got vicious after she left with the spreading of rumors and some very false information.

I was sad for about two weeks then I thought "I get to transition fully". 

I am getting revenge though. Now she has to explain to everyone at her ultra conservative Southern Baptist Church why her divorce decree forever has another girls name on it!!! 

Anyway a BIG HUG for you!! 

  Sorry April it really stinks about your marriage it happens so often its insane.There is something about freedom when I went full time it was like a heavy weight was removed from my shoulders.Still after over a year I am telling people and everyone is like taking a brick off of the pile.Good luck and blessings to you.Patty

Sorry about what happened April. I just went through my own divorce and it was very hard. Still, there is life after divorce and i've been able to move on after dealing with the pain and grief.

After she cools off a little she might be more open to talking to you. Hopefully you both can work something out.

Thanks for the comments. I am terribly sad tonight, but this need to tell her has been growing in me by the day, and it just spilled out under the stress. She has known for years that I have had gender issues, but she never took them seriously. To her, they were always a lark or possibly a middle life crisis. Ever since I started HRT, I have wanted to tell her that this is all about who I really am, but the time never seemed right. Yet I was finding it increasingly hard to live in both worlds. I am scared and much as I am sad tonight. I really loved my wife, and on some level I still do. I know completely failed her.

But I also feel liberated as well. I don't need to hide anymore. My transition couldn't go much further without me being more out. A new chapter has begun.

Did you start HRT before talking to her ? If that's the case she may be hurt for that as well, sometimes it may be a mistake not to share this information with the people that love us the most.

You should try and talk to her in case you would like her to be with you while in this new road, there are going to be many times when you will need somebody to talk to or to cry with and that person may be her.

Sometimes love is stronger than genders.

Hugs!

Quote from: mzaomz on September 06, 2014, 11:03:07 PM
Did you start HRT before talking to her ? If that's the case she may be hurt for that as well, sometimes it may be a mistake not to share this information with the people that love us the most.

I was wondering the same thing.

April, I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. But is this really the way you came out to your wife?  Six months into transition?

Quote from: katiej on September 07, 2014, 01:20:19 AM
I was wondering the same thing.

April, I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. But is this really the way you came out to your wife?  Six months into transition?

That is perfectly correct, and I expect no sympathy on that account from anybody here, but I had my reasons. My wife doesn't really believe that being transgendered is something inherent within us. It is a choice in her mind, and a rather frivolous one at that. I knew that she would probably leave me if I even mentioned that I was considering HRT, and wanted to have the option of bailing relatively unscathed, if I decided in the first few months HRT wasn't right for me. I was also hoping that I could get to the point where my gender issues could be understood as requiring transition. I have been laying the groundwork for that for months.

Tonight my wife did return, and we had a lengthy discussion. Nothing during that exchange offered any evidence that contradicted my previous assumptions. HRT was the least of her issues. She was really upset that there was any need in my mind other than her. 

I kept thinking about you all night after you posted this..
It honestly doesn't seem like a healthy relationship if you can't be your true self with the one you're with.? That would seem the core of any loving marriage, for both people to be able to be themselves and both loved and supported for being so.. Anything less just sounds like a temporary partial life, and unhappiness and lack of true love..

Very best wishes for you, and so sorry to hear your bad news..
Hopefully something much better is waiting for you now that your life is free and open for it..

She has twice violently attacked me tonight, and tried to destroy one of my wigs. She is trying bate me into a domestic violence situation, but I am not going there. She has already in her mind gone to some place where I am post op transsexual and sleeping with guys. With her, everything is about sex in the end.  She told me she hopes I get violently attacked and get rapped. She was rapped in her youth, and she thinks that if I want to be woman, that I should know what that is like. I guess she pretty much hates me right now.

If she is being abusive, I'm sorry its time to leave.
I've had friends who thought they could reason with an abusive partner, both male or female and it only ends in a bad way.

Call around and get out, it might not be what you want to hear, but its the truth.

Quote from: Nicole on September 07, 2014, 04:07:53 AM
If she is being abusive, I'm sorry its time to leave.
I've had friends who thought they could reason with an abusive partner, both male or female and it only ends in a bad way.

Call around and get out, it might not be what you want to hear, but its the truth.

Nicole, Thanks, I am very prepared to bail right now, if I need to. I will go to my sister's house, who is perfectly aware of the situation. My wife is incredibly angry right now. I am hoping that we find workable peace, if it is only temporary. I have always known that the type of person I was dealing with. This is all about her needs not being satisfied. There is no room in her life for any of my needs.

Hugs, April. I know how painful it is when love turns ugly.

Please protect yourself. Don't let her physically attack you. Probably best to avoid being alone with her.

I agree with your original post. Ugly days are ahead but you are strong enough to get through them. We're here for you when you need us.

Sorry your marriage is ending this way, stay safe, hugs.

I do not judge people. I know I could not pass that test.

I'm so sorry to hear yr going through this. Do what you can to stay safe and try to stay as calm as you can and not react badly to the stress of the situation (speaking from experience here....). Best wishes! *hug*

Quote from: Mark3 on September 07, 2014, 03:41:54 AM
I kept thinking about you all night after you posted this..
It honestly doesn't seem like a healthy relationship if you can't be your true self with the one you're with.? That would seem the core of any loving marriage, for both people to be able to be themselves and both loved and supported for being so.. Anything less just sounds like a temporary partial life, and unhappiness and lack of true love..

Very best wishes for you, and so sorry to hear your bad news..
Hopefully something much better is waiting for you now that your life is free and open for it..

So far, from all I have read, her feelings about being trans is on the bottom of the "why this is an unhealthy relationship" list

 Her first impulse was to bite you, and yet you believe that you failed her in some way... She is a lot more abusive than you're telling us or even admitting to yourself.

Her actions stem from her childhood trauma that she hasn't dealt with, it has nothing to do with you or being Trans. My brothers estranged wife is exactly the same. She goes bat guano insane at the drop of a hat because she has never dealt with the childhood trauma.

Get away from her as fast as you can.