O.M.G.

It has actually been a full YEAR since I have updated this thread. Insane. I have GOT to get back involved in this community. I miss it. So, what took me so long? Thereby hangs a tale.

Through the fall and winter things were rolling along just about like normal. Then on February 5 all that changed. While descending a 12 foot ladder I missed a step and fell some 5 to 6 feet (as measured from my feet) to a concrete floor and the impact came within one) shall severing my spinal column. I spent a week or so in intensive care and another five in inpatient rehab. Initially it was unclear whether or not I would face quadriplegia, or as they call it a quadraparesis (the latter meaning all four extremities are affected but not completely useless) but I surprised the staff by being able to walk (barely) for a was discharged. This was followed up with another almost 5 months of outpatient rehab.

As it stands now I have fairly good mobility under the circumstances, although endurance is a real issue and balance is always shaky. I don't hardly ever actually fall, but there will be a few times every day when I barely catch myself. On the other hand, my hands are a mess. I have very little sensation and considerably impaired fine motor control. I can somewhat compensate when I can see what I'm doing. I managed to shave and do my own makeup and such but, as with the balance, it's always slow and shaky and with a lot of drops. Also, there is some muscle weakness in my left arm which really affects the range of motion on that side which is fine since I'm left-handed.

So the effect of all that, in terms of being online, is that typing is a bitch. after I came home I kept my Internet posting very terse, and so avoided situations in which people's natural curiosity would lead me to have to tell this long winded story while typing with one finger, lol. Back in May I got a Dragon Dictation program and I'm still learning how to deal with its eccentricities. Beyond some of the basic mechanics that I still don't completely get, and the constant need to proofread for grammatical errors and  such – I swear the thing is possessed. Sometimes the program well literally wake itself up and start typing if there is an available text window. I once watched it attempt to send a direct message on Twitter and go to over 400 characters before I stopped it. I have no idea why.

Anyway, it's only been in the last month or two that I have gotten back to being as verbose as I used to be.

So, anyway, now I am stuck in a holding pattern financially. After being on medical leave for six months I had to return to a extremely light duty role at work to satisfy Workmen's Comp. requirements which require them to offer me something and require me to take it (or else lose the benefits) and we're both waiting in line the MMI report from my searching in order to begin negotiating a settlement. It is looking noun like it may be another three months or so before I get anything from that, meanwhile we struggle to keep up the bills.

What do I mentioned that?

Well that's actually the story that I started this post to tell, I just had to tell about the injury and recovery in order to put this in context (and explain where I've been so long). but for the sake of length and clarity I'm going to split that into a different post

Good old text-to-speech is full of issues I used Dragon years ago when I had a PC    Now I primarily use my iPhone Bilton Siri even sometimes that makes you want to scream lol

I should pause here and mentioned that if you see some phrasing or grammar that looks completely crazy, please forgive me. I've never been much for proofreading casual posting (as opposed to something like a blog or working on my book or whatever where I what it to actually look like I know what I'm doing) and even less so now..

So anyway, one of the more effective therapies during my outpatient sessions was in the pool which is, it turns out, very good for core strength which is in turn very good for your balance. When I was discharged I got a letter of referral to the local wellness center which fortunately has an indoor pool  and my therapist strongly encouraged me to take advantage of that to continue my recovery. The referral would have given me the first month at the wellness Center at no charge. So I pay a visit, referral and hand, and fill out the necessary paperwork to begin membership.

The next day I show up with my towel and my swimsuit and am immediately informed that I will have to use the men's locker room. Uh, no. I'm told that the law requires them to require that of me. I ask for the name of the person at the hospital who the wellness center staff answers to and proceeded to pay her a visit. We discussed our mutual concerns, and how they might be accommodated. Mind you, on principle I don't believe that I owe them any concession and would be within my rights to insist that "like every other woman" is my bottom line. However, I do live in a small Bible Belt town which is saturated in ignorance concerning trans people and it seemed practical to take a more gentle approach.

We talked about the idea of using the ladies locker room under an arrangement where I would be the only one in there, or alternately that other potential users who were there at the same time as I would be given the opportunity to know that I was trans and avoid my company if they were uncomfortable, and likewise upon my approach if someone was already in there I would wait until the room was empty before entering. This approach admittedly violated my confidentiality but I was sure that I would get nowhere without conceding something. It was, I thought, a show of good faith. She made a point of noting that I might make other women uncomfortable and I reminded her that I certainly would not be comfortable changing around men.

We agreed that she would discuss options with her staff and she would get back to me in a couple of days with the arrangements. I'll pause here and described for you the available facilities.  It's an oblong rectangular building with office space on the East End and the pool on the West End with the gym floor in between. Access to the poll can be achieved through one of two hallways. The one on the north side of the building leading past the men's locker room, and the one on the south leading past the ladies. the only gender-neutral space in the facility is a restroom situated among the offices.

Flash forward two days: she calls and informs me that I will be graciously allowed to change in the gender-neutral restrooms and access the pool by walking across the gym floor and entering via the hallway which leads past the men's locker room. In essence, unless I arrived at the building with my suit under my clothes to avoid having to change twice (which I would probably have done in any case but should not be presumed upon me) the arrangement amounts to a "walk of shame" situation in which  not only am I not allowed to use the appropriate facilities but am required to parade my "deviancy" all the way across the building and put an exclamation point on it by using the hallway clearly marked "men's"

I'll say it for you: outrageous! Insulting! Intolerable!

after hanging up the phone, we go out shopping and that the salvation army store I come across a little bracelet for $.50... It's engraved with the caption "speak out" – how's that for timing?


So in response to this I get in contact with TLDEF and while interested the lawyer I talked to make the reasonable observation that they cannot put their efforts on the line, particularly as it involves media attention, for someone whose legal name and gender marker have not yet been changed. These a.re of course things that I very much want to do, but it's more complicated than you might imagine.

There are three separate problems here each of which may be too difficult to overcome this point in time:

One – I am getting my HRT through my rehab doctor, and am not at all certain that she will be willing to sign off on a letter which meets the requirements set by the federal government for changing gender markers on passport/Social Security card. She may decline to identify herself as a trading position specifically for transition. There is no other doctor with whom I have experience who is in a position to do so. Why? I can't afford it, that's why. I get my rare medical care from a free clinic who is not providing specific transition related care and would not be willing to identify themselves as such.

Two – the cost for a court ordered name change in Mississippi, as far as I can tell, runs around $90 and I can find no specific application for a fee waiver due to poverty. It may be at the judge's discretion but I'm not finding any direct evidence of that. It's a question for a local lawyer. Moreover, the cost of a passport is $55. I do not remotely have the money for either. We are currently holding prescriptions for my wife that seriously needs to be filled and have not been due to lack of money, and that among other things  cry out for money we don't have.

Three – my wife, speaking of, while sympathetic to my position regarding the discrimination is adamant that she will not tolerate a name change. We have been discussing this for several days  now and I the conversation waivers from "what if" to "hell no". I have been duly informed, and not just now but for some time now which is why the task is not been completed yet, that any name change would immediately precipitate a divorce. the counterargument being that if it is going to happen eventually, and relatively soon, then why let this situation pass rather than addressing it while it is at hand.

Each of these, without the other two, is enough to prevent me from acting, at least for now. The only alternative I see is to wait until the settlement is done in the financial flexibility is there and make another attempt to join the center when I have the ability to contest the decision. It galls me to let them get away with this, but I do not know how to overcome these obstacles.

What say you?