I've yet to send this email to her, however, I want everyone's opinion on if I should really send this or, if not then, how do I go about continuing a broken relationship? Also, need to have answered the questions in the title of this thread. For full story regarding her wedding and what went down, go here. https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,172933.msg1515645.html#msg1515645

Lastly, has this ever happened to you? Ok, the email is below.

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Sub: Farewell...

I mean it when I say congratulations on your wedding, that aside though, this is farewell. You & I will not see each other again, nor speak to each other again, more than likely ever again. Actions speak louder than words, your actions have proven to me you don't support me, nor believe me to be your sister and while I fully get you were backed into a corner, what I cannot forgive you for so easily is the mind/manipulation games, cutting contact with me for 4-5 months and saying it was my fault and further, you blaming ME for your uninviting me to your wedding saying I caused drama days before your wedding which clearly was a lie and if you were referring to anything that has to do with me being your sister and how daddy feels or the email step mom sent which backed me into a corner and forced MY hand by forcing me to reply to that email as the "drama" you were so talking about then, I didn't cause that drama, Daddy & step mom did, all I wanted was to be able to come to your wedding as myself rather than lie and be forced into a gender role I'm not, further more, YOU were the bride, not me, so you asking not to be put on the spot/light wasn't fair when again, YOU the bride ARE the center of attention thus, any drama from family all comes back to you because it was YOUR event. Anyway, the sister I grew up with clearly died long ago and I no longer know who the person I've been talking to for so long now is but clearly, she isn't my sister & has issues to sort through. No, sadly the only REAL family I had died long ago when Mama died, well, that and the loss of our last Cat. Whoever the person is reading this email clearly isn't my sister, that's for sure, and she CLEARLY has issues she must work through and fix in order to have a chance at becoming the kind, sweet, loving and caring sister I remember.

FYI, the week/day before my molars being removed back when you'd cut contact with me, I warned/told you about contacting me & letting stuff go, because while unlikely, there was a chance I could die from the Anastasia they were giving me, yet you ignored me for another month, what I DIDN'T tell you was, sure enough, I almost died that day while getting my molars removed, the gas had a negative effect on my body and I started to go into cardiac arrest, they turned gas off, administered oxygen and I was fine again, they said I was fine but, I know I wasn't & that they said that only to keep me calm. You have NO IDEA how much that hurt me when that happened and more so knowing you ignored me & I could have died!

Now, as to your wedding gift, the ONLY gift I'll give my actual sister is a trip to eat out with me her sister in public at the little cici's pizza place. husband can come along as it's his gift too, the drinks and food is on me, it'll be an all you can eat buffet, however, it will only be the 3 of us and further more, you and husband won't receive this gift probably ever. The reason? As I said, this gift is for my REAL sister, not some "faker" who lies and manipulates people and places blame on others who aren't to blame all just to get her way! So, "IF" and "WHEN" my real sister somehow miraculously comes back to the land of the living, and returns someday, only THEN will this gift be available to her and her husband then. (Assuming husband is still my sister's husband of course & if I'm able TO do this at that point & time) However, transportation is up to my sister & husband, I won't pay for that, only the buffet and drinks for both my sis & her husband. Also, my real sis would have to PROVE to me she's really returned and supports me as her sister in order for any of the wedding gift and relationship to happen.

Seeing as my real sis is probably never going to return though, this is good bye. I hope you're happy with the decision you made, because it sure did come with a VERY high cost. Farewell, audios, arivadachi and good bye. Final words to my real sister, I really do hope you return someday, though color me skeptical what with the "family" we grew up with & have which now sadly includes you too. I do hope I can forgive you someday, I really do but even then, what I said in this email still stands. Farewell &, good bye...

I think the best thing you can do right now is take some time to think it over.  If you're sister is going on a honeymoon or something anyway, you're not in any rush to make a firm promise.

There are time periods of separation between zero and forever.  Rather that necessarily say forever, you can go with idea of not interacting with her again until you can stand to do so.  Whether that's months or years or longer is for you to feel out, but you want to keep your options open.  What you can be certain of is that you will need time and something much more than cheap apologies or favors.

It reads as if you are trying to make hurt as bad as she hurt you.  You would be justified in doing that, but I think she will bear that guilt eventually without the strong words now.  Maybe if you take some time like Kaelin said, being the bigger person and letting her realize her mistake o her own will be the better idea.  Or maybe in a few days sending a strongly worded email will still be the best idea, but at least then it will have been after careful thought and from a less emotional place.

I personally am not one to burn bridges.  Do some people royally suck?  Yes, they do.  However, people's opinions DO evolve over time.  I left the back door open just in case my hillbilly drunkle and certain former bandmates want to come around.  I did think I was going to lose my parents at first, and they eventually did a 180.  Your sister may just do the same one day and it would be nice to be able to welcome her back.

You are full of hurt - and that is understandable. Sending this email will dynamite any remainders of a relationship. From 3rd person perspective - It reads very bitter - and very teenager-ish.

A much shorter email would have a less drama impact. Unless you like / want drama.

Sis,
We have our differences and I remain very hurt with all the actions / talk / mind games / silence. I am disappointed that I cannot attend your wedding as your sister. To share with you your happiest day. That leaves me heart broken and sad.

When I was in hospital with the molar operation I did have bad reaction to the gas - my heart nearly stopped, but there was no way to tell you. I was scared and alone. I wish my sister had been there - but not now.

Perhaps one day we can reconnect

I would just let it go at this point. Silence is far more powerful than words in many instances. Writing a tirade shows her that she got to you. Silence shows strength that you can handle this without her.

I wouldn't send the message. Don't shut doors (any tighter than they're already shut). If it comes to pass that she realizes how awfully she's treated you, you want to leave things open for an apology and reconciliation.

I would let her know how much it hurt you not to be accepted as your true self and leave it at that.

I would advise you step back for a while. You are full of anger right now and could make a choice you regret later on.
On the other hand I would definitely make her take the first move.If she wants you in her life she will contact you, if she doesn't contact you then your point will be made without you being the "bad person".

if you do write a letter, write your own hurt feelings. the sadness. the loneliness.
but not the anger. do not try to place any blame.
be unconditional in your love, while setting conditions for being able to meet her.

the best thing would be to put away your letter for a few days, then read it again.
you are disappointed, but do you need to be angry as well?

monkeymel's suggestion is a good one if you feel like you have to write something.
you can add more to it, of course. but keep it as free from drama as that.

my father made what was possibly the worst mistake in his life when i was fourteen.
it resulted in me refusing to see him for almost six years.
it hurt us both, i'm sure.

but things happened which made the past less important and the future the only thing that mattered.
contact was restored, and we can talk again.

do not take farewell. you might come to regret it later if she takes you on your word.
instead, just tell her how hopelessly impossible it is for you to have anything to do with her the way things are now.
and setting conditions for your reunion would be unwise. what if she is suddenly the one who might be dying, and wishes to reconcile?
will you be just as bad as her if that happens?

In agreement with everyone here. I especially liked Monkeymel's suggestion. Very cocise and to the point without trying to be hurtful.

I don't know the context of what your email is about. I am guessing it has something to do with a wedding and don't show up in a dress or something. It is "her" day after all right? If you don't like the rules or conditions, then don't go. If anyone asks after the fact then tell the truth. Its one day out of your life, why worry about it? Ten years from now you are not going to care.

As far as the email, I wouldn't send anything. Why burn bridges? What do you hope to gain from that? From what I have seen, some people do come around given enough time. So someone disrespected you on what to them seems like the most important day of their life. She is after all family.

If hateful words were said to you and you feel offended, then just remember to speak the truth and be honest with other members of your family when questioned about why you weren't at your sisters wedding. Let them be the judge of the situation. Then you will know where you stand.

I didn't read the entire play-by-play, but I believe Shana's sister changed her mind the day before and that people were airing a lot of dirty laundry, making that directive more painful and embarrassing than it had to be.

Regardless of the exact parameters, I think an indefinite break-off is best.  If Shana can present a controlled statement explaining how she was hurt by the ordeal and say she does not want to talk to her sister again until she is ready or can stand to do so, she'll be able to give the most important part of her story without making too strong of a promise.  I personally think that forever is too long, but the beauty of an indefinite break-off is that someone can reassess after emotions settle down, after all the facts are in, and as someone's life journey may adjust their ability to potentially engage or reengaged with others who have hurt.  Shana's sister, too, may change, although Shana may be skeptical of any "evolution," since she feels her sister deliberately gave her false hope about the wedding.

One should always give family another chance(as many as you want). It can take awhile for people to think about the situation.
Keep the door to your family open, but keep your distance. No One should take any kind of abuse.
You deserve to be LOVED.

Remember if necessary there are other people in this world who will love you as you are.
If they don't change, remember it is their loss not yours.

Remember just because you have a sibling doesn't mean its a good thing.
Just look at the 1st siblings   ABEL and CAIN