Jess,

I spent a year or more mourning the pretty girl that never got to be when I first started to transition.  I was born a few decades early to accept who I am when I first knew that the boy on the outside was so wrong and a little gross.  So I masked the pain with a pretty serious drug habit, and when that almost killed me, with  alcohol.  Such a f-king waste.  How I got through university remains a complete mystery.  Particularly as a science geek.

Funny that, I studied Chemistry and Biology so that I could make better Acid (Meth didn't exist then thank God).  Got really good grades too.

I survived self destructive behavior, recovery, depression, getting fat, getting thin, trying to be gay, trying to be spiritual, trying to be smart.  I finally found my niche just being me.  (With the help and guidance of a couple years of therapy with a gender guru, who saved my life)

A long answer to, growing older?  The short answer is that it is just fine.  I have a couple of decades of life left to be me and I have no intention of letting them be squandered.  Not for anyone, most certainly not for propriety.   I will die broke, happy, loving and loved by a community that is scattered across the globe.  I am grateful for the chance at happiness, the opportunity of authenticity, I try to live in the infinite now, with people who do likewise. 

If you are up for a motorcycle trip through the game parks of Namibia, hiking the great walks of New Zealand, riding Vespa's across Italy, I'm your girl.  Music even if it is just a blues harp and a song are part of the deal.  Let me know when you're ready to trade eighteen wheels for two.  I'm always looking for a party, and a friend.

Peace,
Julie

Oh yeah on posting my picture.  One of the co-founders of AA, Dr. Bob Smith, cautioned that maintaining anonymity to the point of being unavailable to people you can help is neither spiritually fit nor fundamentally honest.  I was taught that by a sponsor twenty-five years ago.  I think there are many parallels  between chemical dependency recovery and transitioning from the closeted to the authentic.

I'm out there for anyone who is interested.  I haven't enough to be worth stealing from, I am not afraid of being taken advantage of or even of death.  I want anyone who meets me and needs to talk to know my ear and my time are available for fun and for free.  I have been given the gift of life, and I need to be available to pass that along as best I can.  So my picture is real, my profile is real, I am real. 

How anyone else approaches this is none of my business and I make no judgements.  This is how I am and how I have to be.  All that said, I'm not completely foolish, you won't see me with a bullhorn in front of a crowd, but you might see me talking to someone crying at the perimeter.

Fair Winds and Full Sails,

Julie

  Dearest Julie a suggestion was made a vote taken.Your new name should be JEWELIE for you are a jewel to all of us here.Your wisdom and the ability to put it in words is greatly appreciated by all those you have touched thank you for being part of our community.   Patty

I love you too girlfriend.  Smooches

Quote from: JulieBlair on September 09, 2014, 09:39:10 AM
Jess,

I spent a year or more mourning the pretty girl that never got to be when I first started to transition.  I was born a few decades early to accept who I am when I first knew that the boy on the outside was so wrong and a little gross.  So I masked the pain with a pretty serious drug habit, and when that almost killed me, with  alcohol.  Such a f-king waste.  How I got through university remains a complete mystery.  Particularly as a science geek.

Funny that, I studied Chemistry and Biology so that I could make better Acid (Meth didn't exist then thank God).  Got really good grades too.

I survived self destructive behavior, recovery, depression, getting fat, getting thin, trying to be gay, trying to be spiritual, trying to be smart.  I finally found my niche just being me.  (With the help and guidance of a couple years of therapy with a gender guru, who saved my life)

A long answer to, growing older?  The short answer is that it is just fine.  I have a couple of decades of life left to be me and I have no intention of letting them be squandered.  Not for anyone, most certainly not for propriety.   I will die broke, happy, loving and loved by a community that is scattered across the globe.  I am grateful for the chance at happiness, the opportunity of authenticity, I try to live in the infinite now, with people who do likewise. 

If you are up for a motorcycle trip through the game parks of Namibia, hiking the great walks of New Zealand, riding Vespa's across Italy, I'm your girl.  Music even if it is just a blues harp and a song are part of the deal.  Let me know when you're ready to trade eighteen wheels for two.  I'm always looking for a party, and a friend.

Peace,
Julie

Trade in my butt. I'm just about ready to sell them. They are becoming way more of a pain in the butt than moneymakers. Break downs, blow outs because drivers can't seem to keep the trailers off the curbs and don't know how to ease across the curb if need be, truck payments, trailer payments, insurance, paying drivers that really can't drive. Christ Almighty. The only ones that I may keep are the ones that I run across country. They're newer and both trailers are reefers and the drivers tend to take a little better care of the equipment and I hardly ever see 'em. Even the dealing with brokers aren't as big a pain as dealing with the oilfield as a matter of fact, dealing with DOT is not as big a pain in the butt as the oilfield companies. California DOT or CHP strikes fear in the hearts of a lot of drivers because of the frequent inspections and the CHP being really strict on trucks. But CHP ain't got nothing on the ludicrous "safety" policies of these oilfield companies. Trucking and oil companies. They want to inspect the trucks and most of the ones that do the inspections can't even start a truck let alone drive one safely. I keep everything on my trucks up and well within and over minimum safety requirements. They always pass roadside and safety inspections by state and federal law enforcement and the companies stiff nitpick little things.

I vote for Jewelie. You shine girl.

Hon, I think the best thing about growing older is looking back sometimes and seeing all the stupid things you did when you were younger. I do this on a daily basis. Well you got a friend, as for a party though that is wherever you make it.

Exploration of the mind(s) is a good place to begin to find common thread. Denial to one group or another might rob one of exploration which evokes strong passion(s). Be patient, surgery will happen, in the meantime surrender to self love.    You are sweet Julie.

Well look who's on this threat.  Party lured me out of the forest.  Thread not threat.  Patty.  Phones.... dumb phones not. Smart.

Weird?  ,not.  Attractions... I keep my guard up in here to stay safe from them, I don't let anyone get that close to threaten the marriage.  But attractions... why do.you think I am so.careful.  one of our traps is that if we lose the physicality at home we are emotionally set up for crushing.

Anyway more later.

Sj

I've only dated trans women since I started transitioning. I'm not sure re: attraction but they are the people I meet. (I'd date some trans men, but they are way younger for the most part, and the trans women are more my age.) I am not sure it's actual attraction, just who I meet these days since I am going to two groups. I haven't met too many unattached cis people lately.

I think it's natural in a way. It's quite a thing to go thru and I think we tend to understand each other, my experience anyway. OTOH, sometimes I don't have that much in common, except this, so not sure if that's quite enough.

--Jay

Attraction is a funny thing. We are in no more control to what attracts us as we are at being trans or sexual preference. I would be lying if I said that beauty and good looks didn't attract me. They definitely get my attention for sure. But there is way more to it the farther you go into it. In the beginning the looks is what you may find attractive, but two hours into a conversation, you may find that they have the personality of a rock. Someone less with less than great looks may talk to you and you may find that yours and their personalities click and they will become way more attractive to you.

Jess,  so why again do I find you attractive?

julie

SweetJean,

Welcome to Susan's 

I have lived 47 years of my life female n have always had an attraction both emotionally n sexually to gay men, in particular the more "pretty bois". It is only when I began to explore n open myself to my own gender struggles that I realized that it was because of my own male nature that this was the case. I think part of attraction is finding someone who identifies with us on an emotional level, that gets us.

Quote from: JulieBlair on September 13, 2014, 05:20:37 PM
Jess,  so why again do I find you attractive?

julie

Maybe 'cause I am cute, even if I say so myself. Maybe cause I am just one of those free spirits that don't give a "flip" about anything. Could just be because I am one of those hardened wild women that is just a little girl on the inside. Why in the world would you find me attractive? I'm just another lost girl in the world under a hardened shell of "Willimina Badbutt". That would be Billy Bada** if I was a real man or cisguy. Or could be that you are just as insane as I am.

Jess, if we are insane, it is a good kind of crazy.

Quote from: JulieBlair on September 13, 2014, 10:48:59 PM
Jess, if we are insane, it is a good kind of crazy.

The best kind Julie. Sanity is so over rated and boring.

I think that this type of attraction should have been called "transsexual" instead.

Quote from: makipu on September 16, 2014, 03:56:34 PM
I think that this type of attraction should have been called "transsexual" instead.

No not really. Transpeople can be either male of female born genders but still living as their birth genders with little hints here and there if not out and out telling others. Transexual would be a transgender person living as their preferred gender. There is definitely a difference between the two.

Quote from: JulieBlair on September 13, 2014, 05:20:37 PM
Jess,  so why again do I find you attractive?
julie

short answer: because we are hot as h*ll 

Well.. Getting more serious I can't say why you find people attractive but I also find many transgender very attractive and thinking about it I tend to be more interesteed in other transpeople than cisgenders.
I think its a mix of appereance and mentality but mostly the last part.

I think many transpeople are hot, im specially into the androgynous look so ftms which had this boyish look and mtf who still enjoy cars are pretty cool for me.
I think while aperence may play a part the most important fact is mentality. I cant be into someone which are ignorant and boring. and while not all cisgenders are so, Many cisgender can be pretty ignorant toward transgenders, and even if they are not complitely you may still feel an inequality or a need to explain yourself and be "accepted first" which for me is a turn off in general. for many transgenders this is not needed cause they already understand you, or sorta understand you, and they are also much likely to respect you and not ask all these "so when did you know" questions unless it for personal reflections and not just "im curious"

I also agree with taka that many transgender do seams to have some more reflection in life than many cisgender has. I also find many transpeople being interesteed in the same activism stuff as I do =) so it cool to be able to talk about such big thing rather than the weather or how school was.
--
p.s. if you want to learn a languarge I am willing to help you if posible. ^^

Quote from: Natkat on September 17, 2014, 02:43:11 PM
short answer: because we are hot as h*ll 

Well.. Getting more serious I can't say why you find people attractive but I also find many transgender very attractive and thinking about it I tend to be more interesteed in other transpeople than cisgenders.
I think its a mix of appereance and mentality but mostly the last part.

I think many transpeople are hot, im specially into the androgynous look so ftms which had this boyish look and mtf who still enjoy cars are pretty cool for me.
I think while aperence may play a part the most important fact is mentality. I cant be into someone which are ignorant and boring. and while not all cisgenders are so, Many cisgender can be pretty ignorant toward transgenders, and even if they are not complitely you may still feel an inequality or a need to explain yourself and be "accepted first" which for me is a turn off in general. for many transgenders this is not needed cause they already understand you, or sorta understand you, and they are also much likely to respect you and not ask all these "so when did you know" questions unless it for personal reflections and not just "im curious"

I also agree with taka that many transgender do seams to have some more reflection in life than many cisgender has. I also find many transpeople being interesteed in the same activism stuff as I do =) so it cool to be able to talk about such big thing rather than the weather or how school was.
--
p.s. if you want to learn a languarge I am willing to help you if posible. ^^

Definitely agree with you there Natkat.

I think transgenders being attracted to other transgenders gives them one helluva common background. You wouldn't have to explain exactly what you have went through, going through and so on. Even cis people that are trans friendly and are sympathetic to our situations sometimes are totally clueless. I do keep this in mind talking to people and the terminology and so on may not be correct and what we feel may be insulting, they are clueless. Let's face it, most of the time unless you are transgendered then it isn't like you are going to know everything about us as a group. Usually we find ourselves attracted by looks in the beginning but as time goes on with a person it is the things they have in common that really brings them together. I don't know if that makes too much sense 'cause it sounds kinda' crazy but I will stand by it though. I have had some really good looking dates, good looking for me anyway, and the only thing we had in common was breathing. So boring. Then I have been attracted to people that I wasn't really too interested in their looks, not ugly but not my preference either, that as time went on I found myself more attracted because we had a lot in common. Then they seemed to become a lot better looking even. Psycholgical? Could be. I don't know but it works in funny ways.   

You aren't weird, you are you. Embrace it, come to terms with it and find yourself a nice partner to settle down with!