Quote from: JulieBlair on August 27, 2014, 01:50:05 PM
I'm in Seattle, but am not afraid to go where my friends are just to say hello.  Where are you now, somehow Florida rings a bell, but as with many things it is gone with the rest of my mind.

Julie

Yea, right now I'm in Floral City Florida. It's about an hour and 45 minutes north of Downtown Tampa off I-75. It'd be nice to meet you Julie. Either the Wildwood or Bushnell Exit would get you here. When I move back out west I'll be a lot closer.

Ali

I'm flying down to give Patty Magnuson a hug September 26.  I'm landing in West Palm Beach.  I don't know Florida from nothing, am I anywhere close?  I'm leaving early on the 28th.  I would be thrilled to get to see you.

Julie

Quote from: JulieBlair on August 27, 2014, 02:03:13 PM
I'm flying down to give Patty Magnuson a hug September 26.  I'm landing in West Palm Beach.  I don't know Florida from nothing, am I anywhere close?  I'm leaving early on the 28th.  I would be thrilled to get to see you.

Julie

pm incoming, so the thread can get back on topic.

Ali

Quote from: JulieBlair on August 27, 2014, 08:55:23 AM
Evelyn,
The day will surely come when you move along, maybe me too.  I hope that even then we continue to drop in now and then.  Knowing that there is a land beyond the rainbow is so very important to people just starting on this journey and for those in pain.  Thank you Zumbagirl, you are a blessing.

All I know for sure is that this is community, and that community takes people of many skills and proclivities to succeed. When you finally go forth into life full time, this forum will lose a foundation stone.  The depth and breadth of your creativity is staggering.  Either you have way to much time on your hands, or you are simply brilliant.  I lean towards believing the latter.

With deep appreciation I wish you peace,

Julie

I hace returned to reply because you Julie are so great.

Thank you Julie.

Also, nah. When and if I leave it'll be for good. There's a lot of hurt around these parts that have nothing to do with bluer sky's and what's over the rainbow. And it's constant. And it goes on and on and on.

It's toxic. Who wants to continuously drudge through this kind of stuff.

Welp. Not I. Sincerely.

Cheers.

"For you, when does or would the need for transitioning support end?"

I figure it's really better to get a move on now. I still have questions but upon reflection most of them may come off in a egocentric or triggering way.

I am very competitive to a fault. But I'm also pretty stimulated being that way. It's the root of my personal challenge successes. So it would be difficult to change.

I think this kind of competitiveness is better served elsewhere. Like vs. that CIS bitc* neighbor who thinks she's prettier. The gall!

(Seriously, no troll. This is a permanent farewell. Evelyn bets her karma reputation on it yo! $1,000 to susans if I break it. )

But it's been super fun. My transition is on cruise control. And I enjoyed my time here.

Cheers.

Good luck and best wishes to you Evelyn, hope you don't get too many black eyes in the days ahead. I know that you are a nice gal in spite of some of your snarky ways.

I think that for me the need for support will likely never end, but as my transition progresses the type of support I need will change. When I first came here, I was looking for confirmation that there were other people in the world just like me and I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I felt. I have been living full time for 11 months, have been on HRT for over 6 months now, and have legally changed my name and updated everything that my name is tied to. I haven't been misgendered in months. I am accepted by the world as a female and I am comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my 45 years on this planet.

Now comes the need for support for things like what do do when my breasts grow a full cup size in under a month. The ins and outs of surgery and the pitfalls to avoid. How to navigate the world as a middle aged woman. I also think I have reached a stage where I can be helpful and supportive of newcomers just like people were for me when I first got here. I don't think I will ever leave. 

Quote from: Shantel on August 29, 2014, 11:20:57 AM
Good luck and best wishes to you Evelyn, hope you don't get too many black eyes in the days ahead. I know that you are a nice gal in spite of some of your snarky ways.

What a lovely goodbye....

Darn i am going to miss Evelyn

Quote from: jname on September 04, 2014, 02:25:46 PM
What a lovely goodbye....

Darn i am going to miss Evelyn

Me too!

Quote from: Evelyn K on August 29, 2014, 08:06:56 AM
"For you, when does or would the need for transitioning support end?"

I figure it's really better to get a move on now. I still have questions but upon reflection most of them may come off in a egocentric or triggering way.

I am very competitive to a fault. But I'm also pretty stimulated being that way. It's the root of my personal challenge successes. So it would be difficult to change.

I think this kind of competitiveness is better served elsewhere. Like vs. that CIS bitc* neighbor who thinks she's prettier. The gall!

(Seriously, no troll. This is a permanent farewell. Evelyn bets her karma reputation on it yo! $1,000 to susans if I break it. )

But it's been super fun. My transition is on cruise control. And I enjoyed my time here.

Cheers.

So sorry to see you go Evelyn. Please know that I wish you my very best in all your endeavors.

It will be a little duller around here without you. I'll miss your interesting topics too.

Ally

I'm sorry to be a late-comer to the thread.

As someone who did kind of drift away for a while, I can only say that I missed the social aspect of the forums. I've support through a local professional and friends, so there's no need for support. And for providing support... I don't know.

My transition is largely complete & successful, with only really GRS to go. But it's certainly had ups and downs, all of which taught me invaluable lessons... I can easily and honestly say that I'm a much stronger person on the other side, and am actually happy in my new life. And that was the goal...

Personally, I would love to be the proverbial hand for someone else to reach out to, but it seems like there are just so many others out there offering support, I'm not sure if I could even help. Just another voice in the crowd in terms of these forums .

Certainly though, as life gets busier with children etc, I won't be here frequently.

Quote from: jname on September 04, 2014, 02:25:46 PM
What a lovely goodbye....

Darn i am going to miss Evelyn

I had noticed that she has been conspicuously absent the last week or so.  I had no idea she was leaving.  I guess that's why she started this thread.  I really enjoyed her snarky comments and quick wit.   

Well I came back after a few years, but then I've been questioning whether or not I'm binary identified and have realised that I'm not. But as for support, I think as soon as you accept that you being trans is just a part of you and neither something to be ashamed of or something that makes you special, that you're ready to go it alone in the big bad world.

Warning - A bit of a rant here

Evelyn is snarky, inclined to write before she thought, and not politically correct at all.  In that context she was both loved and intensely disliked.  She challenged me to think, sometimes revise my assumptions, and become become stronger, better, and more agile.  I do not believe that she ever  intended to be disrespectful or particularly insulting to anyone and I do not believe that she ever intended to cause anyone harm.  That said, she was careless in some of her statements regarding men and trans men in particular which in the context of a support forum is at the very least dumb.  Her use of generalizations without explanation or qualification totally pissed off some folks, and not without cause.

But let's be clear, she did not leave, she felt driven out.

That troubles me.  It is OK to insist on respect.  It is OK to require courtesy.  But in my mind it is much better to be damn sure that I understand what was meant before leaping to anger and personal attack.  That did not happen with Evelyn.  Maybe with justification, I'm sure the angry felt justified, but I question their responses to a brash, quick, and very bright wit.  I hope I never respond to anything here with invective.  I hope this post is not taken that way.

I have had my sexuality, my gender identification, my very value challenged for my entire life.  My skin is pretty thick, but when it is broken I bleed.  I think Evelyn's skin was broken.  I very nearly called it a day here too, and was calmed down by a friend and mentor, but if we cannot be more tolerant and gentle with each other I will also go down the road.  There are many places and forums to be of service both in cyberspace and in the real world.  Susan's is a place for learning, empathy and growth.  But only one among many.  I adore the venue of the written word, I also need contact person to person.  I fill up on the former here, I fill up on the latter both here and elsewhere.  There is a difference between prima facie civility and empathetic understanding.  I strive for the latter as do most here.  I hope that people pause next time.

I wish us all peace,

Julie

Quote from: JulieBlair on September 10, 2014, 10:07:55 AM
Warning - A bit of a rant here

Evelyn is snarky, inclined to write before she thought, and not politically correct at all.  In that context she was both loved and intensely disliked.  She challenged me to think, sometimes revise my assumptions, and become become stronger, better, and more agile.  I do not believe that she ever  intended to be disrespectful or particularly insulting to anyone and I do not believe that she ever intended to cause anyone harm.  That said, she was careless in some of her statements regarding men and trans men in particular which in the context of a support forum is at the very least dumb.  Her use of generalizations without explanation or qualification totally pissed off some folks, and not without cause.

But let's be clear, she did not leave, she felt driven out.

That troubles me.  It is OK to insist on respect.  It is OK to require courtesy.  But in my mind it is much better to be damn sure that I understand what was meant before leaping to anger and personal attack.  That did not happen with Evelyn.  Maybe with justification, I'm sure the angry felt justified, but I question their responses to a brash, quick, and very bright wit.  I hope I never respond to anything here with invective.  I hope this post is not taken that way.

I have had my sexuality, my gender identification, my very value challenged for my entire life.  My skin is pretty thick, but when it is broken I bleed.  I think Evelyn's skin was broken.  I very nearly called it a day here too, and was calmed down by a friend and mentor, but if we cannot be more tolerant and gentle with each other I will also go down the road.  There are many places and forums to be of service both in cyberspace and in the real world.  Susan's is a place for learning, empathy and growth.  But only one among many.  I adore the venue of the written word, I also need contact person to person.  I fill up on the former here, I fill up on the latter both here and elsewhere.  There is a difference between prima facie civility and empathetic understanding.  I strive for the latter as do most here.  I hope that people pause next time.

I wish us all peace,

Julie

Yes, yes a resounding yes to what Julie has said. Smiting and overreacting to someone's comments here is beyond childish. I get feelings about some things that I don't understand and can't wrap my mind around and rather then explode and have a tantrum I find that it's much better to move on to the next thread rather than insult someone.

Quote from: JulieBlair on September 10, 2014, 10:07:55 AM

But let's be clear, she did not leave, she felt driven out.

I'm speaking from experience when I say this, but the first time I used this forum, once I had completed my medical transition the kind of support I needed changed and I felt driven out, not because people were actively trying to get rid of me, but because my world view and needs were at odds with the vast majority of forum users. You do leave a lot of stuff behind, and it can be hard to relate to people just starting their journeys, especially as people tend to cycle through every few years and it can get tiring reading the same questions again and again. There's also the fact that a lot of post op people just want to get on with living life and being involved in the community is tiring, because being trans is not monolithic and people don't have the same lives and experiences.

She may be back, I came back though this is a different account and name to the one I used before. Though I'm in the process of figuring a few things out in regards to my gender identity. I actually find a lot of the chatter in the MtF forum tiring, but I'm not strictly speaking female - if it was all Susan's had to offer I'd feel very out of place and othered, which would result in me being driven out. Fortunately Susan's isn't just about the MtF experience so I feel welcome and I can share experiences that can benefit people.

I felt driven out, not because people were actively trying to get rid of me, but because my world view and needs were at odds with the vast majority of forum users. You do leave a lot of stuff behind, and it can be hard to relate to people just starting their journeys,

No forum is designed for eternity.  That goes for Susan's as well as any other venue.  I'm new enough that the angst of the newbie is something I can still relate to, but if this was just about MTF/FTM it wouldn't be something I could stay very enthusiastic about.  What I have found here are thoughtful people who address issues spiritual as well as existential.  This is an undercurrent in many of the forums and particularly in the non binary, and general discussion areas.

I think that for me it is important to remain in touch with earlier versions of Julie, and to be available and participatory while continuing to become something entirely new.  I appreciate it a lot when those who have walked further down the path, come back to add to my perspective, and to assure me that there is a land over the rainbow.

Thank You,

Julie

Julie : To be perfectly frank, I felt at times in this thread as if Evelyn were trying to drive away people like *me,* by suggesting that there had to be something wrong with someone who chose to stay long post-transition. Now, I'm pretty thick-skinned and I also was sure that wasn't actually her intention, but that feeling forces me to extend the benefit of the doubt to those who she feels drove her away. I think sometimes when feelings are running high, people get hurt easily and sometimes lash out; she was indeed snarky and sharp-tongued (and witty and interesting and contributed a lot, don't get me wrong) and that could sting people in sore spots.

Personally, though, I'll miss her.

Yep, she is all those things, even kind of bitchy and didn't let things go enough.  I am more concerned that as a community we eschew responses in anger or impatience.  I don't know anyone here who knows or even thinks they know everything.  I have sent more than one note asking someone to tone it down or help me understand.  If we are not generous to each other, how can we expect generosity in life?

I have been gifted with acceptance and appreciation at work and with the people (except for some in my family, and isn't that strange) I know and care about.  I think that if we fail to embrace and guide each other, that which is transcendent about this venue will not flourish.  I fear that we will be just another place where the standards, roles, and the modalities are defined and enforced.

Julie

Quote from: JulieBlair on September 10, 2014, 12:49:16 PM
Yep, she is all those things, even kind of bitchy and didn't let things go enough.  I am more concerned that as a community we eschew responses in anger or impatience.  I don't know anyone here who knows or even thinks they know everything.  I have sent more than one note asking someone to tone it down or help me understand.  If we are not generous to each other, how can we expect generosity in life?

I have been gifted with acceptance and appreciation at work and with the people (except for some in my family, and isn't that strange) I know and care about.  I think that if we fail to embrace and guide each other, that which is transcendent about this venue will not flourish.  I fear that we will be just another place where the standards, roles, and the modalities are defined and enforced.

Julie

I so so much second this^^___^^ and everything you've said above Julie. Evelyn was a friend, and I was very sad to see her go, but I also understood her reasons. I have made a lot of friends here during my 1 year + now I've been a member. Unfortunately I've seen more than a few of them go. Also in hindsight this forum recently almost lost someone who has given so much of herself here it would have been a very sad day indeed had she left us. She too, is also a very good friend to me and many here, and she almost left for the same reasons -feeling pushed out.

We all must humble ourselves and become more tolerant of others. Yes I do belong to other forums but none of them have the warm feeling of family this one does. We all make mistakes and we all have our bad days. We just have to learn to be less judgemental and more supportive of our fellow members and be a little more lieniant of each others opinions. We're not always going to agree with one another, but we can always respect each other.

Best Wishes everyone.

Ally