Any of you experience this? I just changed mine today and while it was so fulfilling to have it called out and be addressed as such I felt almost sad for my birth name, as if an old friend  had passed. It's made me feel like maybe I made a mistake but I'm wondering if this is just a mourning period of sorts and if that's normal? Anybody been through this sort of thing before?

Yup.

I had a hard time with letting go of my male name despite how happy doing it made me. I ended up talking about it to one of my cis friends who got married and she said she had the same kind of thing happen to her when she changed her last name when she got married.

My old name was a travesty of a human, represented a mask, a role that was destroying me from the inside. I was only happy to bury it with my old life.

It's normal and okay to mourn for your old name, or for any other aspect of the identity you are leaving behind. It's a big deal to change what people call you.

My personal experience with my birth name was never healthy and I did not mourn when I changed it. I try to be neutral when I hear it or have to talk about it, but my reflex is to feel shame when I respond to it, so legally changing my name was one of the simplest parts of my transition. That was like removing a filthy bandage or something.

I did feel like I had to mourn for some other parts of who I used to be.

My family had more trouble with it than I did. I was more than happy to bury my old name.

Today was the last day i'll ever show up to work as a dude and get called my dude name. Today is the last day I'll ever wear a button down dress shirt. I've used the men's room for the last time, ever, today. Next Monday my name and gender will be changed forever. On Wednesday my name plate by my office door will come down and a new one that says "Eva" will take it's place.  My dude name in the corporate email will disappear. His clothes will be removed from my closet to make space for Eva's clothes now that his clothes are no longer needed.

Bit by bit my over time my old dude identity will slowly be erased, as if I never lived.

Its kind of bittersweet because "he" brought me to where I am today and he protected me as best he could through all of the trouble that came my way. As far as guys go I think he was a pretty good one.

I feel like some kind of a ceremony should be held for his demise.

So yes, mourning my name change seems to apply right now.

Yeah it didn't really kick into full gear until my mother made me feel like I was abandoning the family and our heritage.. Ha she doesn't even know the changes to come. Good to know I'm not alone in feeling like this

My old name was fine, but I haven't missed it. I cannot relate. I find it complicates things to have to list it on various legal forms as a previous "maiden" name.

I mourned nothing.  Dude me was miserable.  Girl me is happy.   I guess I did have some sort of mini wake with a couple of Susan's girls after my court date, but there were definitely no tears shed.   

Oh, and congrats Eva!!!   

My old name was fine for someone, just not for me. I didn't mourn it.

You all probably know this, but just in case... Changes often are accompanied by grief of some sort. Only because it is different, whether it's a good, bad, or non-valued change whatever happens next will be different and a lot of time comes with a reaction of some sort. It's good for many people to have someone to be able to express stuff after changes.

I have had ceremonies for many changes I've had in my life. For me, and many people, having people to talk to about it helps; having someone that will listen and not judge no matter how illogical a reaction to change is.

Congrats to each of you that's gotten to this goal :-)   Well done!

I never felt that at all and I couldn't have understood it until a few weeks ago, after all, when I changed my name, I was the same person as I was the day before I changed it and what is in a name?

A few weeks ago though, my ex referred to me as me - old male me- being gone forever. And well, now when I look back, I am unrecognisable from what I was. For the first time, I felt like I was truly someone completely different, looking at someone else; someone who I felt responsible for the demise of. I felt guilty, and instantly hollow. It's so odd.

I suppose I am over it now, but it makes me sad when I think about it still. 

Quote from: Eva Marie on September 12, 2014, 12:39:30 AM
Today was the last day i'll ever show up to work as a dude and get called my dude name. Today is the last day I'll ever wear a button down dress shirt. I've used the men's room for the last time, ever, today. Next Monday my name and gender will be changed forever. On Wednesday my name plate by my office door will come down and a new one that says "Eva" will take it's place.  My dude name in the corporate email will disappear. His clothes will be removed from my closet to make space for Eva's clothes now that his clothes are no longer needed.

Bit by bit my over time my old dude identity will slowly be erased, as if I never lived.

Its kind of bittersweet because "he" brought me to where I am today and he protected me as best he could through all of the trouble that came my way. As far as guys go I think he was a pretty good one.

I feel like some kind of a ceremony should be held for his demise.

So yes, mourning my name change seems to apply right now.

Congrats Eva BTW nice name you have there, SAME as mine including the middle one

I chose it because its a very traditional and popular name for a woman my age (45) and ancestry... Mostly swedish with some dutch and german in there Oh and I often go by Eve too because I like that name as well and it rimes with the old one Im used to hearing.... I also just think its a very pretty name, even my mother agrees its MUCH better than the one she gave me 

I havent mourned the loss of my old name at all, in fact I ALWAYS hated it

Quote from: Missy~rmdlm on September 12, 2014, 01:03:50 AMI find it complicates things to have to list it on various legal forms as a previous "maiden" name.

"Maiden name" usually refers only to a name changed because of marriage (or other domestic partnership) where the birth certificate stays the same afterwards - in most cases a name changed for a different reason such as a gender change doesn't count if they ask only for a "maiden" name. Usually when they ask for former/other names that's for record-checking purposes, and in cases like a job application where you may not want to out yourself you can use that guideline (whether or not you have records they can and may want to check under that name) on whether you need to list it or not.

I think it's perfectly right to spend some time in contemplation when a profound change has occurred, mourning included.  It's what makes us intelligent humans, and names, clothes etc are part of what identify us.  When I gave away all my male clothed to my ex boyfriends I felt distinctly low that day.  Not for the clothes, but because I was saying goodbye to a part of me that had been around for over 40 years.

EVA- have a brilliant day on Monday girl, (you will!), and please tell us about it after the day!

Hugs

My name was changed one year ago tomorrow.

The government made me a lesbian a year ago tomorrow too. Of the two, leaving my old name and becoming gay, gay has caused me the most hang ups because by admitting I'm a lesbian I've been worried that will make those wondering about my past think, "Ok. Paige is trans" Then there is the side effect of oh, my SO is a lesbian now too. When her dad who lived in the northwoods died, we had the dilemma, "How will we put Paige as (...)'s partner in the local newspaper?" Cause (...) wasn't "out" yet.

This trip is sure weird...

This may sound odd, but I've always hated my male name... mostly because it gets mixed up with another similar name and believe it or not, it almost sounds like a girl's name. Yes, I know it's odd given that I am trans. I guess I hated it because I wanted to be one so bad and was ashamed thinking that people knew this about me.

So I will be 100% glad to be rid of it. But I am dreading changing every last document. I have a ton, including two passports, multiple permits, ID cards and other credentials, primarily for work. On a side note I will get glad to exchange my wallet for something with more capacity.

Personally, I won't mourn mine but I might have had I done this when I was younger. But there are now too many years of pain, too many years of self-loathing to do anything but celebrate that change. I know my male facade did the best he could under the circumstances. And I certainly don't hate him and won't mock him as he fades from my present day reality. But I won't mourn him either. In a sense, he'll always be there. He smiles now, internally, because Cara smiles now, externally. For years before, people commented on how rarely I smiled and it was because inside I couldn't smile. Nowadays I can barely stop smiling and I think he can finally smile too. He performed his task. He protected me until I could gather the courage to finally be myself. Now he deserves peace and rest.