I realize it has been a tremendously long time since I replied to this thread (my only one, haha).
I just wanted to thank everyone again. I joined this website only a few days before taking a month long trip back to the U.S. for the first time in two years. I talked to a few more close friends about all this - and the overwhelming response was: "Everything makes total sense now."
I don't think I could have made those steps without thinking it out here a little bit, so I really do want to convey my gratitude.
And, apparently I was never "good at" being a man. Or so everyone has now told me. I was half insulted and half elated to be told that I - teaching/academics aside (which is apparently the only thing I'm passionate about, haha) - came off more like some kind of parody of a man, based on all the books I had my nose buried in, when I wasn't busy trying to 'prove' what a man I was by out drinking or out fighting everyone else, often for no reason.
So, all this to say, when I finish this contract, it's back to the U.S. with me to actually try and sort this out with a professional. Truly, thank you all again.
