UGH... I am fast approaching start of RLE and I am terrified.
The hormones have done their job well.. my wife says I confuse people in guy mode.. she says I look neither male or female... yea I guess.
My therapist says I will pass and am a solid eight... seriously...can't believe she thinks that...my endos both say don't waist money on FFS dont need it.
My sis and her partner say I pass hundred percent...
So getting hair extensions end of October.. great lengths hair.. its awesome hair.. 
I am even afraid to get that done because what if I hate the way I look... afraid I will just fall apart..
Anyway, just being real....and open..this has been a wonderful but at times the hardest thing ever and terrifying..too,
Wish I was as brave as others...
Carrie

So you have gone out in girl mode a few times now? If so, how did that go? If not, I'd suggest a few short jaunts to get the hang of it, build your confidence in a variety of situations. Chose safe locations that you can exit from quickly if you feel anxious. Sounds like you might need to do some more practice runs anyway. That's what it boils down to ultimately, confidence rather than bravery.

Its scary but its also exciting too, and at the end of the day nervousness and excitement can kind of feel the same depending on how you frame them in your mind.

Scary is not always bad.

Good luck :-) and have fun!

Kira x

Hon, I was scared as Hell. But after a very short while it is totally natural and totally wonderful -and I don't pass for bananas!!

Quote from: Cindy on September 13, 2014, 12:55:20 AM
Hon, I was scared as Hell. But after a very short while it is totally natural and totally wonderful -and I don't pass for bananas!!

Now if I were a monkey.....



Seriously, your perfect, Cindy.


Carrie, All brave people are scared, at least if they are smart. It is definitely all brand new and uncertain when you first go out and have no idea how well you will be received by those who see you. It sound s like you have a couple people who could go with you, even if it is just for a walk around the block to build up some confidence.

Have a furry hug, the KAT fur might scare off any odd people.

There is plenty to be scared of, but the bottom line is: plan it, notify people, change the name and move on. There are mountains to climb and chat doesn't make it happen.

I think most of us were scared out of our minds when we had our first RLE. I know I was beyond scared but somehow I still stepped out the door all alone and started putting one foot forward. It was not easy but by golly it was the start of path that has led me to where I am now. It's almost been 1 year since I first walked outside as the person that I am and in that one year I'm such a vastly different person in so many positive ways.

Thanks Girls ...
I went with my wife today to Tuesday Morning and did not even bother trying to hide my chest...that much.. I put a hat on because my hair was a mess.
No issues at all.
My therapist asked me to buy stuff I can wear at home so my wife helped me buy some cute things.. like large tops that hang off one shoulder and cute leggings..
When I wear I feel totally natural so that is helping...
Love u Girls...thanks for the support.
Carrie

Quote from: Cindy on September 13, 2014, 12:55:20 AM
-and I don't pass for bananas!!

It's true! She looks nothing like a banana! Now a nut on the other hand.....

My first time out was both nerve wrecking and the scariest I have ever been. At the end of that first day though I came home, purged "his" things instead of mine and never looked back. I went full time the very first day I ever presented. The fear of the morning turned to sheer happiness and delight by night time. You will be great, nervous at first, but great. It will be the dawning of a new age for you. The age of honesty and freedom!! Enjoy it sweetie!!!! 

If it's any help, I did not leave the house in girl mode until I started feeling comfortable.  Let's face it, I was scared sh*tless at first because I thought I looked like a shaven ape in a dress.  I took "baby steps", which helped me a lot with building confidence, which IMO is the key.

My therapist basically double dog dared me to come to therapy as Jill.  I wasn't even close to ready.  I was on hormones for only one month.

The next day was first time I even ventured out the front door, and it was unexpected.  My wife came home with a lot of groceries and I didn't even know that she was at the store.  I was wearing a cute skirt and full makeup and helped her get them out of the car.  Nothing bad happened to me. 

The next week, I got in the car and was driven around West Hollywood.  Nothing bad happened.  Nobody even noticed me.

The following week, I took antianxitey meds and went to therapy as me.  I had yet to step out properly, but my therapist's office was in the gayborhood anyway.  Nobody even batted an eye.

The next weekend I went out of town wearing a dress.  I had drinks at the hotel bar.  I was pointed at, laughed at and stared at.  Well, at least I got that over with!  It wasn't really my presentation that outed me, it was my demeanor.  I was nervous and it showed.  I worked on that immediately.  The next night I used the ladies' room for the first time.  No big deal.

For my next adventure a few days later, I went to a restaurant in town that I often go to, but am not well-known there.  I overheard someone at the next table say, "Is that a guy or a girl?" The other guy asked, "Which one?" The third guy said, "Who cares?"  Hey, my first "pass"! 

I started going out at night to work on it, but went out in boy mode during the day.

One day, I went to the grocery store and noticed my protruding nipples.  I felt very ridiculous trying to "butch" it up that day, and it turned out that I never went out in boy mode ever again.  I was on E for just two months.  It was not my intent to consciously start RLE, it just sort of happened organically.  I spent an entire week in girl mode going everywhere I normally do, then I went to Las Vegas.  I packed boy clothes "just in case", but never wore them.  I passed fine.  The only weird stares and looks I got were when I kissed my wife.  Apparently nobody noticed I was trans, they just saw "icky lesbians".  I decided that weekend that I was going to make it permanent and started purging my guy clothes when I got home.  My fears, as it turned out, were mostly unfounded.  Once I squashed my fears of the unknown, I was finally free to be me.

I formulated a plan and came out to the world two weeks later.

Great stories....thanks
Having a party tonight....my wife bought me this really nice bracelet.. its for women and its so nice.. love it...  she and i are separating but in love still...she likes men... and I understand how she feels.. she does not just like men she likes men men.. like I used to be...
Anyway, I will be in girl mode sort of.. female jeans and tennis shoes but bra and tight shirt with a long sleeve button down over it but open.. no make up.
You can tell I have boobs.. can't hide them anymore ...
After I get my hair extensions I think its going to be easier.. even though my hair is getting pretty long...
I don't like hiding my boobs.. so that must say something about my attitude... and my butt is getting huge and my legs.. ugh.. I gained 9 pounds this month .. i think its progesterone...cycle doing it.
Anyway love you all.. sisters forever..
Carrie

As we do always in life is take one day at a time.

Fear is made in our minds but is resolved in real life.

Hugs and enjoy your night.

I did going out in public backwards. I went huge the first time and met some friends in the gayberhood in San Diego at a bar in a neighborhood that I had never been in before. I then took baby steps afterward 

Nothing happened that first time. No one cared. No one even looked at me.

My next time out in public was about a year later when I went to see my therapist. I felt ridiculous when I dressed as a boy for my initial visits so I decided THAT would never happen again.

My therapist likes to assign homework and she sent me to a nearby ritzy mall to shop one evening. I had to overcome my fears before stepping out of my car. There were PEOPLE walking around and they might look at me!

Again - no one cared. No one even looked at me. I even ventured into a Sephoria store chock full of women and bought some eyeshadow that I needed.

More times in public soon followed. I would go out to eat or would run errands or go shopping. No one.... well, you know the story.

Sometimes it helps to only take steps that you are mostly comfortable with until you build your confidence. Eventually I began to double dog dare myself to go somewhere uncomfortable en femme. No one.....  well...

After a while it really does just become routine. You are just another girl out and about.

Give yourself enough time and experience to build yourself up to that level. Trust me - your confidence will come.

Carrie, you are extremely lucky to have your wife around, and more than that, she can critique things like your walk, body posture and the like, so by the time you hit the mall (aaargh!) you will make most of the women there look like builders' assistants 

Seriously though, have faith in your womanhood; be a bit thick skinned; and like the sporting goods company says, just do it.

BTW, I was utterly terrified and totally elated the first time, when a stylist friend did my hair and makeup and threw me out onto a Friday afternoon Madrid city street, crammed full of shoppers and little old ladies.  And I passed.  You will too.

Hugs
Julia

I'm sure you will be fine. As people have said you have people around you who can help and that's important. There will be hiccups along the way but you'll get there.

Quote from: Ms Grace on September 13, 2014, 12:00:35 AM
That's what it boils down to ultimately, confidence rather than bravery.

I think that said it best. If you look at women they have an air of confidence about them most males don't and when we first go full time that's what we need to remember to project to pass. Not all women look like supermodels.

I've spoken elsewhere on here about why I went full time when I did but the actual moment came in a lay by on A23 just outside Brighton in UK. I had a cross dressing friend who did a stage show and invited me to come have a night out with her and her friends as I was down that way. Because I'd changed my name and all my bank cards over I booked the hotel as new me and wanted to be dressed when I got there, Not being able to find somewhere private to change from old mode I was left with no alternative but to pull over in the most secluded spot I could find and do the change of clothes and apply my make up in the car. Having gotten to the hotel and showered, I changed clothes and applied new make up and off I went. As I walked into the bar downstairs a guy came over and wanted to buy me a drink. I wasn't interested in a man nor did I want him buying me a drink but it sure boosted my confidence  I had already decided I'd be full time from that night on if all went well for me and within an hour of being out there I was sure I'd done the right thing

No matter what others may think of what you do or if they think you're Male, Female or one of Cindy's bananas it all comes down to you having faith and belief in what you're doing the rest comes with time 

Hope it all goes great for you

Hugs

Sorcha

It' s normal to be nervous some for anyone not born a cisgirl & not having grown up their entire life as a girl then as a woman. Just try & look your best & relax. Just do anything & everything the way you feel, as a woman. Be confident in yourself & just relax & you will be fine. For me it was sure scarry to start with but you will build confidence each day & it will feel more & more normal each day until one nice morning & you will not even think about it, just another day. Enjoy your self GF.

Get out in public now, before RLE actually begins, as your female self. Just do it. Maybe not all the time but when you can. It will definitely boost your confidence, help you see that most (maybe even all) will see you as female, and help you figure out how to handle the occasional heckler (if you get clocked -some never do).

I saw my therapist yesterday..... she started laughing when I was telling her how I just don't think I will pass...she keeps saying I will pass 100%..  that I will be beautiful with my hair extensions I am getting end of October and said I will be unstoppable from that point on. I am small.. but wide and everything bothers me.. my shoulder  width is like 18" wide.. I used to body build.  My waist is 29" now so I do have a V shape for sure..
She keeps saying I am a solid 8...and just says she can't wait until I do the hair to hear how I feel.. wants me to call her.
The plan is to do the extensions and have someone do makeup for me so they can do before and after pics at the salon.
So I feel great after therapy then start questioning it all over again today.  I just don't think I see myself like others do.
I do get the thank you mam think in guy mode sometimes.. and some stares in guy mode for sure..
Anyway thanks for all the kind support... I am still so so scared just thinking about it makes my stomach upset but it is exciting..
Carrie
OH BTW going to get my name changed next week for sure..

Laugh if you want, but I use the Bene Gesserit litany from DUNE to focus and calm down when my anxiety runs ramshod.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

either that or it stare into my eyes in a mirror and mentally shout "KEINE ANGST!"  (literally "no fear!")

Stay strong sister!

ElDudette,
Love that....
I had my hair transplants done so my wife helped me put a scarf on my head with a couple of cute head bands.. The graphs get itchy and I itch by accident.. I went out like that and was called Mam at the bank.... not even thinking about being in boy or girl mode.. I got home and thought.. hmmm that was not so bad.
I got up this morning so tired.... looked in the mirror and thought ..where did she come from.
Changes are happening.. I just need to enjoy the ride..
Thanks so much for sharing ElDudette,
Carrie