I didn't fully accept that I'm a TS until, I think, the beginning of this year, at 18. I didn't even consider it as a possibility until soon after turning 17 (or maybe a little before.) and that's one reason it took me so long to realize it, because when I started reading everything I could about transsexuals, almost all of their stories had something like "at age 3 I'd scream to my parents, 'I'm a boy/girl!'"

I never did anything like that...it wasn't so obvious, so I thought I wasn't really a TS, not really. my past wasn't enough like the ones I read about, which was very disheartening to me (though that says something in itself).

the clues were subtle. though I remember when I was about five, I actually flat out told my parents "when I grow up, I'm going to turn into a boy." (but notice I said "when I grow up", not, "I am") they said that was silly, and I wouldn't. I'll admit I don't remember feeling especially sad over it, just...quietly confused, contemplative. but I remember that when I said "grow up" I meant within the next year! I was so young at the time though, that probably seemed "grown up" to me. I'm sure I just didn't know how else to say it, haha.

I remembered that years later and brought it up to my mom when I was 17. I'd talked to her about my "gender issues" plenty, and she has always been very open-minded, but the idea of me being a transsexual was still..I don't know, she didn't like the idea and seemed to avoid it, but that's understandable. anyway, I kept trying to talk to her about it, bringing things up and hinting around, and when I told her about that she responded with something like "oh, plenty of children say things like that." do they really?

another thing I remember, and I think this is a MAJOR CLUE, is that when I was even younger than that, maybe 3-4 years old, I played with stuffed animals a lot. I never liked babydolls, they creeped me out, you could even say they disturbed me. but anyway, every single one, without exception, was automatically male in my eyes. I didn't even have to decide, without even thinking, they were boys. I'm no child psychologist, but I think at that age children would choose the gender they feel they most relate to. right? and if I played with other little girls and they had animals or dolls and said they were girls, it really threw me off. I thought it was pretty weird.

I could go on with lots of other clues, but I'll spare you. I think the reason it wasn't so obvious for me though is because of my personality. I'm quiet, I sit back and observe and analyze...(I'm an INTP).

so when did you fully realize you are a transsexual? did it take forever for anyone like it did for me? any thoughts and personal stories are welcome! and thanks for reading :)

When I was three years old.

Would you mind posting an introduction here:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html



tink

I think when my family got their first computer with internet I was around 10 years old plus or minus a few years not certain (sad I know since I'm only 19 haha).  But once we got a computer I found out about transsexualism and the whole concept of changing you sex.  I became really obsessed with the idea at around 12 years old and came out at 17.  Just been working with it ever since really.  Technology has been the biggest influence as without it I wouldn't be anywhere near where I am today.  I probably would have been off in another world or something.

I think when I had learned enough to know what  being a transsexual meant.....prior to that I was just confused.

Bobbie xx

Not until I was sixteen or seventeen, really. I didn't have the "growing up saying I'm a boy" experience at all. I was extremely androgynous in behaviour, but I didn't really differentiate between the sexes until puberty. Then depression hit and I didn't pinpoint why until my late teens.

six or seven.. told my mom when I was eleven.

I was 16 when I knew the technical terms of Gender Dysphoria but I knew I wasn't a boy from when I was about 4.....

By the time I was eight, I knew I wanted to be a girl.  Sometime when I was a teenager I heard of Kristine Jorgensen and transsexuals.  It wasn't until I was 47 that I began to realise the connection between those two pieces of knowledge.

It depends on how you look at it. I was raised as a Catholic and I knew by praying every night I would wake up and be a girl. I was 10 or 12. I don't remember much before that. I didn't learn anything about gender dysphoria until I was in my 30's. Even then, I resisted. Then one day I read an article about someone who'd made the change. I thought OMG that's me! After that I ready everything I could find about it. I came out in '97. I started hrt in December, changed my name in Jan '98 and was full time by March.

I don't know if it answers the question, but that's my story.

Karen Lyn

Quote from: KarenLyn on September 30, 2007, 07:12:31 PM
It depends on how you look at it. I was raised as a Catholic and I knew by praying every night I would wake up and be a girl.

Karen Lyn

Hehe, I remember doing that night after night after night years ago.  Eventually I gave up though.

Yeah, it got to be pretty pointless.

Karen Lyn

at age five

It's okay, Rottingteeth (interesting name), if you didn't have it when you were a kid. Some people don't and some people do. I have met a few people who didn't really think they were TS until they started to all of a sudden clue in.

I'm fairly typical, however, and I had gender issues as a kid. I was taken to the doctors who recommended to my mom that I she should encourage me to do boy things and so on. So, I went through scouts and the whole thing. When I was 12 and hitting puberty I and a male counceller do things with me (activities, etc) to help me focus on being male.

Later in my teens, I put on make up and dressed privately. Although I appeared at school, from time to time, with womens clothing (usually taken from my moms closet) and I'd be picked on for that. I'd put on make up sometimes, but get beaten up for it. All of that wonderful stuff. I didn't know what it was called or why I was so "weird" and why I felt this way. I ended up with few friends and keeping to myself mostly. We once had cable for a short time, and I remember seeing "transexuals" on TV, and they were treated like freaks. despite that, I knew that this was a clue.

I got pretty determined to transition once I left school. I had this whole plan set out. It was going to be wonderful. But, it didn't work out that way. I left home and ended up living with a bunch of guys for a while and working. So, I hid things for a bit and talked to the church about my feelings. They felt that going on a mission would help me be unconfused and be more male. My family really pushed for me to go, so I did. While their they sent me to councelling and tried to give me medication. It didn't work, and I only got more depressed. I was in the states for a year for that.

When I came home, I was pretty messed up and was in and out of hospital for a while. I then got off the meds and started to put my life back together. It was hard.

I then came out again to my family (around 22-23), who strongly disapproved. My mom suggested that "I wait until my grandparents die, at least." I lived with my brother, who constantly made fun of me and tried to embarass me in public. At this time I left the church, but they were coming to my door a lot because my brother invited them.

I tried looking for help, and at that time I was going around as Acadia. I had no friends and I was very lonely. There wasn't a lot of information out there and I couldn't find help. I tried to commit suicide, again (a re-occuring thing in my life).

So, then, after that and picking up the pieces I went back into hiding, again. I tried to look male for everyone else. Meanwhile, I worked on a lot of issues. I went back to school for a time. Then I started making friends. I co-ran a publication for a while, and made more friends. I fixed a lot of things in my life and I was setting things up so that I could have a support network. It was a lot of work. It was a lot of recovery.

Then, when I was 27 I became public. I had wonderful friends that stuck with me and supported me, and then I eventually found a local trans group where I met other trans girls for support. It's been a long, long road, and I'm going to be 29 soon.

Life is much better now. I finally feel normal. I'm very happy. I'm glad that I finally did something. Not all of my family is accepting. My brother didn't talk to me for nine months, but has now started to talk to me and has seen me a couple of times (although I'm pretty mad at him because he's putting old pictures of me up on his face book and referring to me as his "brother.") My mom has accepted it. My grandparents have counted me as dead to them, and have tried to keep me a secret from their friends and other family members. My dad has just started to talk to me and and has actually seen me for the first time in a year and a half (but hasn't told my half-sister, since I'm the family embarrassment).

My roommates are amazing. I live with three other girls and they are sisters to me. They are my family.  And their family has accepted me 100%. And I have so many friends that I consider family, too. It's a wonderful thing and an amazing feeling to feel that I have that kind of support. That people love me for who I am. It's awesome.

Anyway, that is my story in a nutshell. So, it's pretty typical. An interesting story, but a lot of people have interesting stories. And you have your own story, too, Rottingteeth -- it might be different, but it is just as valid.

as long as I can remember really.

I remember my cousin "losing' some clothes at my place, I just wanted a skirt so bad bad then.

Quote from: Nicole on October 01, 2007, 06:24:28 AM
as long as I can remember really.

I remember my cousin "losing' some clothes at my place, I just wanted a skirt so bad bad then.

nice pic Nicole....

I kinda came at this thing backwards, as I never thought of things I DID as being clues or anything... the need to be a girl was just ALWAYS there, at *least* from ages 3 or 4 as I clearly remember much of my life before kindergarten. And even then, this knowing of "what the heck happened? I need to be a girl, not a boy!" tortured me 24/7.

But I never thought about or envied clothes or anything like that. I'd play with the neighborhood girls and just wish I was more like them, and desperately wanted to be accepted as ONE of them. I didn't do girly things and think, "hmmmm, maybe I like doing these things because I'm really a girl!" Instead, the need or feeling of needing to be a girl existed FIRST, without any obvious reasons or "clues" to explain it.

And I didn't articulate it back then as "I AM a girl!" because... well that made no sense to me. All the Big People told me I was a boy, and I trusted their judgement. My angst was simple: I was born a boy. I should have been and need to be a girl. Now what am I supposed to do?

~Kate~

I knew from the time I was about 6 years old, when I first saw my father's porn(no, he wasn't sexually abusive, he just liked to look at porn and didn't care if we watched) I really wanted to be a girl.
It wasn't until I was around 9 that I started finding "->-bleeped-<-" porn.  That really fascinated me because it was the gender bend thing that had plagued me for a while.  When I was 11ish, after trying to find out exactly what a, "->-bleeped-<-" or a "->-bleeped-<-" was I came across some information about what real transexuals were.  Something lifted off of my chest and I knew what I was, I knew why I wished to wake up a girl every night and I knew there was a way I could do it.  It was about midnight and I kept reading until 7am, my pops came out and I told him.  Hard times after that.

Posted on: October 01, 2007, 11:12:44 AM

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I wish Freud had studied transgendered and transsexual individuals>.>  I bet we'd know a lot more if we did.
Time machines, anyone?

Quote from: kalt on October 01, 2007, 11:13:50 AM
I wish Freud had studied transgendered and transsexual individuals>.>  I bet we'd know a lot more if we did.

He did, and he didn't understand them any better than he understood women.  There was, for example, the famous case of the crossdresser that he cured... repeatedly.  This individual was interviewed several years after Freud's death.  Never was cured.  Just fealt better for a few years after each time spent talking to the non-judgemental Freud.

Quote from: Lisbeth on October 01, 2007, 11:52:28 AM
He did, and he didn't understand them any better than he understood women.  There was, for example, the famous case of the crossdresser that he cured... repeatedly.  This individual was interviewed several years after Freud's death.  Never was cured.  Just fealt better for a few years after each time spent talking to the non-judgemental Freud.

Rogue: Is it true?  Have they found a cure?
Professor X: Yes Rogue, it's true.
Storm: no, no it's not true, wanna know why?  Cuz there's nothing to cure, there's nothing wrong with us.

it was my sophmore year in HS, i actually have earlier childhood memories, but i surpressed it for many years. it was just this past august after my vacation that it hit me, hard. i had been to susans web site before a while back and came here for help, which has been great.