Hi, I've just joined here, and wanted share the experience of my first session with my therapist. Prepare for waffle!

I guess my life has followed the pattern of many here (secrecy, loneliness and shame), and only now have I reached a point where opening up to someone is not just something I wanted to do, but more akin to needing to breath.

Forcing myself to say and hear myself say words I never thought would pass my lips was certainly the most terrifying thing I've done in my life, and it opened cracks in the thick shell that I've built inside over many years in an attempt to protect both myself and my family.

My therapist was fantastic in reasuring me of their confidentiality, and was really patient in waiting me for me get those words out.

I'm still totally in the closet to everyone else I know including my family, and I am also keeping these sessions from them as well; which is more lying to them that I'd rather not do. But I feel I must, until I better understand myself, and get more comfortable accepting the parts of myself I have denied for so long.

The problem I faced afterwards was pulling all those thoughts and feelings back down inside so I could go home to my wife and children and act my usual role of happy husband and father.

I've cracked open the lid of a box I've kept locked shut my entire life and seen something both scary and wonderful.

Best of luck to those following the same path.

Quote from: meganjames on September 17, 2014, 10:46:14 AM
I'm still totally in the closet to everyone else I know including my family, and I am also keeping these sessions from them as well; which is more lying to them that I'd rather not do. But I feel I must, until I better understand myself, and get more comfortable accepting the parts of myself I have denied for so long.

Actually I think that is very wise to do at this point. How could you possibly explain it to them when you still really don't understand it all. I do not feel it is deceptive at all right now. The only deception would be if you started HRT or something like that BEFORE telling anyone.

Anyway, a big warm welcome sweetie! We are happy to have you with us and if you need anything just ask. We are not a mere support site, but a true family in every sense. Yes, we have our days of drama and hurt feeling just like every family does, but when someone needs help we are there for the. You are now a part of that. 

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Welcome and congrats on starting your journey! Also, meganjames is a lovely name both on my list of favorites

Congratulations on your first session.  You are right to keep your own counsel at this point.  This session will unleash a whole lot of questions, emotions and feelings.  It takes time to unpack and to sort through this material.  Then as it starts to make sense you are likely to just want to share it all.  My advice is to again, to stop and to think.

Your therapist will be invaluable in coaching you through this process.  This is very exciting.  Thank you for sharing.

Safe travels

Aisla

Thanks for the support and confirmation that I seem to be taking the right path. I don't want to rush through this, the impact on my life and that of my family and friends would/will be huge. Second session tonight, so the journey continues...

pianoforte - thanks for the compliment, it cheered me up on the Monday morning commute when I saw it.

Megan.