So, For most of you that don't know me, I am Emily (i like to use squirrel as a username) and i am an 18 year old who just started having trans thoughts about a year ago (mtf). This is the first time i'm going by Emily to anyone besides myself, because I have recently been overwhelmed with trans thoughts. Im not sure where to go from here, many people here have told me that i should see a therapist, and i am, but i dont know how to express my feelings to someone else. I'm embarrassed mostly, because for some reason i keep telling myself that i'm sick and perverted andd that if i could just find a girlfriend that i wouldnt feel like this anymore. But I also tell myself that there is no reason whyy i should bring another person into my problems, so i remain single.

The point of all this is that i have decided that i want HRT. I just have absolutely no idea how to start that. Or if i even should with only one year of these feelings, because i see often that it tales people 2-3 years and maybe even longer to decide. I also dont know if i should start to transition while still in high school. All i know is that i want it.

I feel very alone a lot of the time, even though i know that all of you are out there. There is no body that understands why i feel this way because i dont project much femininity, which just makes me feel worse for being what i am.

I just like to know that others know what is happening to me. Any help would be much appreciated.

P.S. I am pretty tall, 6'3", and i frequently think that i am too tall to appear as a natural woman, and i dont really know of thats true.

Hello Squirrel, and welcome.
I had similar thoughts as a teenager and it took me another 18 years to finally talk with a therapist. Mostly for similar reasons.

The hardest part is to allow yourself to accept the possibility that you are transgender (or non binary, ie enjoy traits of both) - and then be able to say that aloud to the therapist. But once the words are out aloud then you can start the real process of discussing what is right for you.

Height can be an issue but I met a beautiful Norwegian lady who belongs to the over 2m tall club and she looked great. Think Nordic Warrior style.

Good luck

Hi Emily! The first place many of us started our journey at was with a good Therapist preferably with gender experience which you are, but you have to be honest with them. I did not want to go in and tell them my deepest, darkest secret either, but it has worked out wonderfully and I am free for the first time in my life. Most places you will need a letter from one to start HRT. There are informed consent places still out there, but they are becoming fewer as time goes by. You have to understand one thing very clear, it does take a lot of time AND money to transition. It is also of course true that the earlier you start the better your results. If you go all the way to SRS you will have to have two letters from Therapist's to have any of the U.S. Surgeons even consult and schedule with you. We have several girls here over 6' and they are doing quite well. Transition is a very hard road and we risk a  lot of things such as family and friend abandonment, possible work issue's, housing and many other things. If you start you will have to have rock solid drive and confidence, but the payoff is so worth it. The payoff is living the true you in total freedom. I thought it would be the end of the world, but I have been so surprised by the response people have had in my life. It is not the end of life, but a beginning you can't even imagine. 

Hi Emily! I'm 6'3" and, like you, I thought my height would be a major impediment to me passing but honestly it barely rates a mention let alone gains me any unwanted attention.

I can appreciate it is hard to want to talk about your feelings, especially when you feel conflicted about their deeper meaning. Believe me, you are not perverted for having these feelings, far from it. A good counsellor will be able to guide you and help you to talk about the right things, that is their job after all. They are there (hopefully) to help and, although you will need to feel you can trust them first, the more you can be honest about what is going on for you the more they should be able help.

Hi Emily,

can I just say that there are loads of awesome tall women (I'm 6 foot and have to look up to them!) who are very feminine and adorable! So don't worry about your height being a problem. Think of it as something that makes you special.

Take as much time as you need and if you're unsure find a therapist to talk things over with and to help you navigate the decision making process. No one can take the decision for you, but exchange with other people (like us here ) can be very helpful to get a better sense of what you want and don't want.

Emily, I am 6'3" and started HRT at 50.

A girl friend will not solve a gender issue. Only you can resolve your gender issue with the help of a gender therapist. My experience is it does not go away and gets worse with age.

You are not sick or a pervert, you have a birth defect. I take medication to help me deal with my birth defect and it is a significant help.