Hi

Im new, my name is Ashley, im  21 years old, and been thinking of seeing some one that can help me, but my parents would not support me doing this. i had known at that the age of 5 that i wanted to be a girl. but my parents where thinking its period of time and i would grow out of it. my parents told me to stop. but i can't, and feel like doing a lot more. i didn't tell my parents that i was bullied in school and felt like doing something.

but at the age of 6 i had been getting some girls clothes and mostly night PJ's, but now im wearing bras, shirts and leggings. and also when going out under my normal male cloths.

I also think the only way i can really feel normal and happy is doing the transformation ( MTF ). but its hard to find some one that can help me. but i don't have a job, and its getting harder each month to keep it bottled under.

im also scared of telling my parents and what action they would take. 



this post has helped me let some of the emotions out and its great to talk with someone that going or have gone threw the same thing.

Hey Ashley!

Welcome to Susan's Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

I realise you may be relying on your folks for medical insurance and the money to pay for a therapist, but you are also an adult so keep in mind you can make decisions about your own life now. Perhaps tell them you are feeling a lot of stress and are depressed and feel that talking to a counsellor or therapist would really help. Even if it is a more general therapist, if they then refer you on to a gender therapist then it is coming from them not from you and your folks might be more open to that as a development. Without knowing them I couldn't say for sure but it might be a way forward for you.

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Cheers

Grace

Welcome to Susans, it is always worth going to see someone if you are able to as they can help you sort through what is going on inside you. You can tell you parents at your own pace or anyone for that matter.  You've taken a great step in reaching out and I look forward to seeing you around the forums.

-Kayla-

You sound just like me a month ago. Lol

I told my parents a couple years ago and it went poorly. I was looking for help and I didn't get it. I sold some old things that filled up my bank account and is giving me some flexibility. So I called a local gender therapist and set up an appointment, I went to a local support group, I got on here, and I made it my point to get a job to pay for this while keeping my parents unaware (I plan on telling them when I actually start hrt [they'll guilt me out of it if I tell them before]). I have enough money to get me started and unless my parents completely disown me and kick me out, I should be able to get by.

It might not be the most honest route, but I would suggest seeking out a therapist and support groups BEFORE informing your parents. Just pretend all is well with them and find the help you need elsewhere until you've come to grips with yourself.

Welcome Ashley to Susan's family.

Yes it is sure worth seeing a gender therapist.

You are of age to start thinking of your own life and how to care for your happiness.

Easy, nope but worth every $ and tear.

Safe passage on your path, popcorn?

Izzy

Thank you, is there a place around Melbourne VIC (Australia) that a gender therapist. that is open minded and be friendly?

I think Cindy, Ms Grace and a few others could maybe point you in the direction?

im trying to find a gender therapist, and iv found 1 that is close. im in talks. should i spend some time with her and wait before telling my mom

but iv got a question, when i start HRT, would my parents start see changes ?, or would it be slight changes and see more differently. my mom is catching on to me and im going to talk with her about it. before she notices it.

i know that my dad would not approve of it because he is a councilor and think he can force me to change back. but i know that i want to do it to make me happy.

thanks

Quote from: Abby Claire on September 20, 2014, 10:26:06 PM
It might not be the most honest route, but I would suggest seeking out a therapist and support groups BEFORE informing your parents. Just pretend all is well with them and find the help you need elsewhere until you've come to grips with yourself.

Very well said! I would do this as well so if it goes bad you will not have to look for support, but will have it already. 

Quote from: Asheylov on September 20, 2014, 11:19:25 PM
Thank you, is there a place around Melbourne VIC (Australia) that a gender therapist. that is open minded and be friendly?

Hi,

Lots of Aussie girls here, I'm in Adelaide. To find a therapist go to www.anzpath.org and go to the providers section, therapists are listed state by state. You may need a referral to see them from your GP. To be honest transitioning in Aus is pretty straight forward. Virtually all use informed consent models. If your parents are anti the therapist can talk to them as well to help them out. Being transgender is not a pathology it is a condition that can be quite readily rectified with hormonal reassignment, support and if wanted surgery. You take it at your own pace.

Cindy

there will be changes on hrt. you should only start it when you're in a good enough mental space to handle informing your parents about what you're doing. the best place to be is one where you can tell your dad that you're not planning to discuss the choice of transitioning, because you being trans is an indisputable fact, and transitioning is the only way for you to find happiness and get the ability to live a wholesome life. information doesn't need to be given until you've already started hrt though. it's not like your parents have any say in the matter at your age, though they might get the idea that they don't want you in their house if you go through with this.

talking to and planning things with your therapist before starting would probably help a lot. having a therapist and support network in place before starting to make physical changes, would make it easier to deal with parents, because you have others to support you if parents will not.

thank you this helps alot. and ty cindy for the link

First of all, *hugs* to you Ashley! 

As the others have said, seeing a gender specialist is never a bad idea.  Your folks don't have to know you're doing it at this stage, and having a therapist who is clued up on the trans condition is invaluable, as it gives you access to a person who can give you advice on what you're going through, including how (and when) to handle your parents.

Secondly, I stumbled across this article recently, which you may want to print out and give to your folks:  http://darahoffmanfox.com/gender-transition-how-you-can-help/

It might help if you get out a highlighter pen and go over any points you personally feel are pertinent in it before handing it to them.  Also be sure to have a read yourself, because it might indirectly answer some questions you've been having

Hope that helps in some way hun, and don't hesitate to ask questions - the peeps here at Susan's are nothing short of angels <333

thank you, i had a talk with my mom and it was not right, i trying to hide all of it, and see someone about it.

its really hard trying to find someone that's not months away . but ill get there soon, im looking for a job right now for some cash... but ill get there soon. thanks for allowing me to be free

Don't mention it hun, we're all here to help

And don't ever feel like this is some kind of race.  Take your time and do things as you / your life is ready for them.  You'll need to find out how to open some doors of course, but never try to force them open before they're ready to be unlocked

<3 *hugs* <3 and welcome to the family dear sister!

Thanks