So, I had the most remarkable thing happen to me last Saturday when visiting my parents:

Some of you may know, but for those who don't: my parents are both deeply religious. They were in fact both southern baptist Sunday School teachers when I was a kid and EXTREMELY dogmatic in those beliefs (we're talking irredeemably ignorant, young earth creationist types). As you might imagine, when I came out it was an absolute disaster. None were affected so much though as my father (I being his first born 'son'), whom plunged into downright denial and depression about the whole thing and was convinced I'd realize how ridiculous/wrong/sinful I was being. So intense was their opposition, they effectively cut ties with me.

Well, fast forward about two years, and they are becoming more and more tolerant of me. They both realized that abandoning me would be downright evil, and opened the lines of communication. They've been visiting me with more and more regularity and we've been having more and more pleasant interactions with each other.

At this point my mother has become totally accepting, and is even borderline excited for me; that said, I was always still worried about my father, for whom I worried that, even though he wasn't directly antagonistic like he had been, I still made uncomfortable. Well, when I was visiting this Saturday, and having a wonderful conversation with the both of them, he waited until he could get me alone and said the following (which I will transcribe to the best of my memory):

   "Listen, the way it was when I was growing up, trans and homosexuals were just lumped in with all sexual deviants and I believed then that that was accurate. When you were growing up, I said some terrible things about gay and trans people, and that had to have made your life a lot harder, and I'm sorry for that. I'm not trying to make excuses for myself; you didn't deserve that, and there is nothing wrong with you and nothing sinful about you. It's just a lot easier to hate something, when it isn't staring you in the face, when it isn't something you know is good and care about. I feel like through all of this I have become a much wiser person, and I wanted you to know all I want is your happiness, and I'm extremely proud of you."

Naturally I began crying, and I bawled the entire way home that evening. That was without a doubt the greatest moment I ever shared with my father and I love him more than life itself. Anyway, I know complete 180s like that are almost unheard of, for someone to go back and critically analyze their assumptions about people, and not only change their minds but APOLOGIZE for it...I thought that was just so incredible it was worth sharing!

I can relate to you in many ways with the experience with your dad. I too was the first born male in my family and in the past have been called a sexual deviant by both my parents when they discovered my desire to cross dress as a child.

My dad has expressed his opinions quite openly regarding gay people in the past, not many of them fair or favourable. In his mind too he would make the link that being trans* would be like being gay. However the difference with my parents is that their deep seated opinions are based on culture and tradition rather than religion.

I am so pleased for you that your dad has come round. I have yet to truly confirm that I am trans* and transitioning to either of my parents, but knowing that you've gained acceptance gives me a tiny glimmer of hope that perhaps there is a remote possibility that mine may too.

I'm very happy for you that's great

Thank you for posting this. It brings hope to everyone whose family seems permanently closed minded and unsupportive.

People CAN become educated.

It was so good to read your post, thank you for posting it.

Awesome!

And this is exactly why I never burned any bridges.

That brought tears of joy to my eyes! <hugs>

Sam x

This story really brightened my day, I'm so happy for you, thank you for sharing.

Wow, Handy!  I'm truly impressed.

I know all about the Southern Baptists, having, like you, grown up in the church.  It still sends a shiver up my spine, thinking back on those days.

I've only been out a couple of years, which means that when my mother died a while back, she didn't know anything about me.  As for my dad, he's mid-80s, still going pretty strong, but my brother, sister and I have agreed that we can't tell him.  He simply wouldn't be able to deal with it.  Still as set in his ways as ever, doesn't seem to have mellowed with age.  I have a niece who recently came out as lesbian and he doesn't know anything about her, either.  I also have a nephew who recently started living with his long-time girlfriend without marrying her, and my dad has more or less barred her (not him) from his house.  So it goes.

I try to be fair to Southern Baptists.  I've known lots of them and despite the fact that I don't like their world-view one bit, they are after all people, and most of them are quite decent people.  If they were put to the test (as your dad was), how many of them would come around?  It might be more than one would expect.

But, as things stand, I'm not currently planning to attend my dad's funeral when he passes on.  My sister once told me she wanted me to be there, but in my old persona, and I told her that was out of the question.  I'm out now, out for good, and there's no going back.  She didn't argue with me.  But to go into a Southern Baptist church in Texas in my new (real) persona, that would be an interesting experiment.  At this point, I don't think I'll attempt it.

Anyway, congratulations to you and your dad.  It isn't easy to question values that you've so firmly held all your life, and it's not everybody who can do it.  He's much to be admired.

Best wishes,
Foxglove

Oh my, just reading it made me cry...
That's such an awesome story, especially what your dad said..
So happy for you..!

Quote from: Jill F on September 22, 2014, 10:18:55 AM
Awesome!

And this is exactly why I never burned any bridges.

Agreed! Thanks for the positive post - makes me hope there might be a chance for me and my father!