So today I went to church. I had to go as I was the lector. There was a baptism at that mass as well. I haven't been to church in over a month because of various things I was doing with the kids over the summer, trips etc. But today I got back to proclaiming the word of the Lord. It was good.

When praying, I asked God for a hand to guide me on dealing with my dysphoria. This is the second time I've seriously kneeled down and asked for that. The first time I did was shortly before I joined here. I hope God leads me to the right place. I basically said, "Lord, you made me this way, and your will was done. That's why I'm asking you to show me the path that you want me to take, because only you have the answer."

Nothing is impossible and I am thankful for the many miracles in my life.

Wow, very powerful! I hope you get the answer soon, I know He will answer but in His time.

I know in my heart transition is right for me as I feel led. My career prepared me to do the kind of support work I do here talking to many very different people. It also gave me the skills of confidence and self respect which I use in public to educate others. Yes, I feel now that this was the plan for my life. It was like a sudden realization came over me and everything was crystal clear. I always questioned my role here on Earth, well, I know now. 

I was born the child of practicing Catholic parents and spent 12 years attending Catholic schools. Nearly every night when I went to bed and whenever at church I would pray to God to fix me, let me wake up the next day as the girl I was supposed to be. Of course every morning I was sorely disappointed.

Now, at age 52, I am 11 months into my transition and on HRT for 5 months. I feel better about myself than I ever have. I have been married for over 28 years to an understanding wife, we have 2 adult children who are amazingly supportive of me and my transition. I am an airline pilot, a captain flying for one of the largest airlines in the world. I have my childhood dream job.

Still I would always wonder about my dysphoria, sometimes saying aloud, "Why me?" "Why did this have to happen to me?"

Recently one night as I lying in bed I again asked God for, this time to help me through my transition. Again I felt I was wasting my time but I still asked aloud.

It struck me hard the next day when I realized that maybe where I am right now, who I am now, and what I am doing now was God's plan all along. Except for the gender thing I have had a pretty good life and now I am correcting that final flaw. I was a child of the 60's and 70's and coming out as trans or trying to transition then would probably have sabotaged all that I have now. Who knows what my life would have become. Perhaps I would still have success and a family, but perhaps not.

I used to think that I have lost so much of my life by not being who I was supposed to be all along. Now I think that perhaps this it is just my time now and I am finally looking forward to my future rather than dreading it as I have for nearly half a century.

Lauren, that is very inspiring!Yes, I believe that God has a plan. I also believe that he made me this way, and it wasn't a mistake. Prayer and reflection is helping me a lot. It did help us with our other issues (infertility) as we would pray the rosary daily. We were blessed immensely with our kids but we had to work at it. But his guiding hand was definitely there and still is!

You ladies are awesome! You are such an inspiration and great role model's. I keep telling my self Jeremiah 1:5 (KJV), Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou calmest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.  yeah...I need constant reminders

Quote from: LaurenL on September 21, 2014, 09:46:10 PM
I was born the child of practicing Catholic parents and spent 12 years attending Catholic schools. Nearly every night when I went to bed and whenever at church I would pray to God to fix me, let me wake up the next day as the girl I was supposed to be. Of course every morning I was sorely disappointed.

Now, at age 52, I am 11 months into my transition and on HRT for 5 months. I feel better about myself than I ever have. I have been married for over 28 years to an understanding wife, we have 2 adult children who are amazingly supportive of me and my transition. I am an airline pilot, a captain flying for one of the largest airlines in the world. I have my childhood dream job.
........................................
I used to think that I have lost so much of my life by not being who I was supposed to be all along. Now I think that perhaps this it is just my time now and I am finally looking forward to my future rather than dreading it as I have for nearly half a century.

I grew up in an era earlier than you and was about 10 years old at the time of the first publicized transition (Christine Jorgensen). There was no internet and no way to learn to learn about or even hope for any transition. I also prayed for the same as you with the same disappointing result.

I married young and have two adult children. I have now been married almost 50 years and still love my wife. She is rather set in her views and any transition would be hard for her to accept. I still hope to find some way to enjoy some degree of public transition with her support.

I pray for that too but it doesn't work that way. I have to help myself and God will guide me.

This is a great topic thread and the OP's prayer is deep, I felt it in my heart.  I got on my knees too because of your prayer.  Thank you.

I wouldn't let myself go through with any transition knowing God would use it for His glory.  Now that I'm starting, I hope to speak to others about ->-bleeped-<- but through Christ.  I have had a vision for this for years.  Only when he revealed to me it's OK to be a fool for Christ because He will use me for His purposes, was I able to give in to this huge change in life.

This has been a powerful evening of revelation and opening up to God through Jesus regarding my own journey thanks to the OP.   I have much more of a peace moving forward to start HRT with this in my heart.  Thank you Kate, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Well it looks like the hand of the Lord is guiding me further along. I finally booked my therapist appointment. Next I need to pray for strength for me, my wife and family. I'm going to really need it and she is too. I also need to pray for forgiveness because my marriage is likely going to be under a lot of pressure. But this is all his plan I suppose. God has a purpose for me and this is no accident.

Sorry but that's all, I'm tearing up writing this...

Quote from: michelle1 on September 22, 2014, 11:42:29 PM
This is a great topic thread and the OP's prayer is deep, I felt it in my heart.  I got on my knees too because of your prayer.  Thank you.

I wouldn't let myself go through with any transition knowing God would use it for His glory.  Now that I'm starting, I hope to speak to others about ->-bleeped-<- but through Christ.  I have had a vision for this for years.  Only when he revealed to me it's OK to be a fool for Christ because He will use me for His purposes, was I able to give in to this huge change in life.

This has been a powerful evening of revelation and opening up to God through Jesus regarding my own journey thanks to the OP.   I have much more of a peace moving forward to start HRT with this in my heart.  Thank you Kate, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

You're very welcome, sister, but as you said, it is all His plan for His purposes. I take no credit. To God goes all the glory. I will pray for you.

Thank you Kate, and likewise the same. 

In all this, transition or die (my adopted motto), a transition used for Christ suddenly isn't 'all about ourselves'.  I'm looking forward to being myself, finally, but also looking forward to helping and giving wherever possible.  Who knows who can be touched and set free with a kind word?

It is indeed an interesting walk on our own "Way of the Cross".  In my church (Episcopalian) I have actually received leadership roles that are deeper and more meaningful than they had been in all the years before I came out as my True Self.  I am a Lector / Intercessor who transitioned in my parish three years ago and did my first reading as me on the Feast Of St. Francis, three years ago this weekend.  It was a perfect start to my RLE time period.

We are living examples of the change that Christ demands in the lives of His Followers.  We are sacramental visions of what others are called to make in their lives. Christ does indeed want others to make changes as radical as the ones we go through.  For them, not the bodily and social change we have, but changes of heart that will be as heavy as we experience as well.  We are Children of the Resurrection in that we MUST give up lives dictated and molded by others outside of ourselves in order to be our True Selves.

The Sunday I came back to my church after my SRS is a memory that brings tears to my eyes even now, and they are happy tears.  As I approached the Communion rail, I literally felt arms holding me as I received the Sacrament, I had been uncertain in a small way up to that point, but the feeling I had was "Well done, but there is more to do!!  Listen, and walk in the midst of MY people tall and proud in My service."

The Peace that passes all understanding be with you Always!! 

The OP has spurred me, in her prayer, to continually ask God "Please show me what you want out of all this...what you want me to do, where you want me to go, this all seems so surreal, but if you lead, I will go, even if and especially if, I transition to womanhood."

His ways are beyond our understanding for sure.

I am always asking God what he wants. Thy will be done, period.

My wife told me today that she is going to pray for me and pray for us tomorrow. Despite not being the man of her dreams I still love her a lot as a person and as a mother to my kids. God gave us the gift of holy matrimony and it has to be "till death do us part." Unfortunately if I didn't seek help for my condition it would have probably been sooner rather than later.

God is good. I went to church today and I was truly filled with the Holy Spirit as I did the readings at mass today. We had a substitute priest as our regular pastor is away. He was rather energetic. The kids said the Lord's Prayer in front of him today. It was beautiful.

I asked God again for his guiding hand and his will be done. That's all I can ask for.

That's great to hear Kate! I love to hear positive things eminating from Christian folks in church!