This is more of just a vent than anything, but I wanted to know how common this is for people who haven't had their legal name changed yet.

All of my professors know my legal name. However, when I introduced myself to them, I introduced myself as male and I also sent them emails before our first class explaining to them my situation. For the most part they're really good about it. I figure that they may slip up with the name every once in a while, and I understand, because they do see that name every time they enter a grade or check roll. However in the past three classes I've attended, the teacher has unintentionally misgendered me every time, and it's bothering me, especially the most recent one. The first two times I wasn't too bothered because I expected them to happen at some point, but today my teacher said to the class "Dean has finished her's already" (referring to an art project.) After referring to me as 'sir' the class before. To be honest I was already in a sensitive mood because of some art insecurities, and I really was not in a good place to take that slip up as well as I could. It mostly frustrated me because people I just met don't have the excuse of they've used 'she' or 'birth name' for so long. Even though I know it's not what they're thinking, it always hits me as a subconscious 'you aren't a boy, you're still a girl' whether it be because of looks or something else, so it hurts. I try to remind myself I'm sure he doesn't mean to be hurtful and imply that, but sometimes reminding myself isn't enough. Do you guys have any advice or tips to see it in a better light?

check your student center or whatever online student system that your school uses. Many of them allow you to edit your information and add a "preferred name". I don't know about your school policy buy mine requires that professors have to call students by their preferred name.

Quote from: SWNID on September 24, 2014, 11:47:18 AM
check your student center or whatever online student system that your school uses. Many of them allow you to edit your information and add a "preferred name". I don't know about your school policy buy mine requires that professors have to call students by their preferred name.

The people at this school are super open but sadly the administration has no actual policies regarding trans people or names in general. I've updated my preferred name through my advisor but for whatever stupid reason, they don't use it anywhere except the class roster on the iPhone app. It's like that for EVERYONE, not just trans people.

I got this a lot from certain teachers at my daughter's schools both before and after I had my name changed, but it hasn't happened in awhile. I too felt kind of blindsided by the way some people who had only ever known me as male would still misgender me sometimes. You can't control people's assumptions or habits, but I felt like it helped to speak privately with people who made the mistake very often. Adults who are in a position of authority have to learn to use the right words even if it's hard for them.

I don't want to go off on a rant, but occasionally I'd run into a teacher who would insist that they are just "too old to learn new habits," which is the exact same excuse I used to run into when I tried to tell old people in the south that they can't use the n word around me or my friends. Anyone can change their language when they believe they have to. There's no reason for disrespect to go on indefinitely.

Problem is people are often very careful at first but as time goes on and they're operating on autopilot they're much more likely to slip up without even realising. Where possible I call them on it by simply asking "who?" as in 'I don't know who you're talking about'. Might be difficult in a class environment though.

Quote from: CursedFireDean on September 24, 2014, 09:59:44 AM
This is more of just a vent than anything, but I wanted to know how common this is for people who haven't had their legal name changed yet.

All of my professors know my legal name. However, when I introduced myself to them, I introduced myself as male and I also sent them emails before our first class explaining to them my situation. For the most part they're really good about it. I figure that they may slip up with the name every once in a while, and I understand, because they do see that name every time they enter a grade or check roll. However in the past three classes I've attended, the teacher has unintentionally misgendered me every time, and it's bothering me, especially the most recent one. The first two times I wasn't too bothered because I expected them to happen at some point, but today my teacher said to the class "Dean has finished her's already" (referring to an art project.) After referring to me as 'sir' the class before. To be honest I was already in a sensitive mood because of some art insecurities, and I really was not in a good place to take that slip up as well as I could. It mostly frustrated me because people I just met don't have the excuse of they've used 'she' or 'birth name' for so long. Even though I know it's not what they're thinking, it always hits me as a subconscious 'you aren't a boy, you're still a girl' whether it be because of looks or something else, so it hurts. I try to remind myself I'm sure he doesn't mean to be hurtful and imply that, but sometimes reminding myself isn't enough. Do you guys have any advice or tips to see it in a better light?

Speak to the offenders.  Make it known to them how badly it affects you. 

Just want to throw in some sympathy. It sucks when that happens. Hopefully it will happen less and less often.

It seems like your professor is trying, and could totally be noticing and feeling bad about it when it happens. A conversation with a friendly reminder might be in order.

I have no actual advice, but I get what you are saying.

It isn't always transphobia, sometimes people are just ignorant.  People often don't realize how much their careless words can effect you.  Perhaps by confronting your professor, one on one, you can explain that you care about his opinion.  That his dismissal of your transgender status may end up teaching your classmates to disregard your feelings by his example.  You're there to learn, not to be judged and alienated.

Is there an LGBTQ organization on your campus?  It's possible that an on campus LGBTQ peer group would have someone as an advisory liaison between the club and school.  Or maybe an advocate or something.  There should also be an ombudsman at your school, who is hired to listen to and address official complaints about the school, it's administration, and their employees.  Hopefully, they can help you directly if necessary

Quote from: Obfuskatie on September 25, 2014, 02:53:46 AM
It isn't always transphobia, sometimes people are just ignorant.  People often don't realize how much their careless words can effect you.  Perhaps by confronting your professor, one on one, you can explain that you care about his opinion.  That his dismissal of your transgender status may end up teaching your classmates to disregard your feelings by his example.  You're there to learn, not to be judged and alienated.

Is there an LGBTQ organization on your campus?  It's possible that an on campus LGBTQ peer group would have someone as an advisory liaison between the club and school.  Or maybe an advocate or something.  There should also be an ombudsman at your school, who is hired to listen to and address official complaints about the school, it's administration, and their employees.  Hopefully, they can help you directly if necessary

I definitely don't think it's transphobia, he gets it right enough for me to know it is just a slip up. But it would be good to try to have a conversation about it if it happens again. I know for sure we have an ombudsman, and the Queers and Allies club meeting is tonight so I can try to ask about this then.

Also thanks everyone, even if you didn't offer advice, I'm still glad to read your replies.

I take online classes and introduce myself as Alex. Few teachers actually remember that I am Alex, the rest use the other name.

Oh boy, is it ever frustrating. It annoyed me when two teachers I'd never had before can't get the new pronouns right, when I'm very passable pre-T and especially as a high school student. The others either don't refer to me or get it absolutely right. I guess I could have emailed all of them, but I just explained on the first day of class and some of them caught on right away- I was thrilled when I kept getting referred to as "he" right in front of the class, and loudly. None of the ones who have gendered me correctly since the beginning have slipped up yet... But of course it's the Spanish teacher who thinks I'm a chick, and you may or may not know how almost all adjectives/nouns in Spanish are gendered... Basically, let's say that the guy who is marrying an adorably cuddly Mexican and wants to join that country someday is considering switching la clase de español to pass/no credit. That's saying a lot. Fortunately, I've got a school counselor on my side and the administrators know about all of this, and we're trying to deal with the problem.
I feel your pain, man. Try to change what you can, and try to get people on your side. A friend to advocate for you or push you towards taking a step farther is always a good thing. There are a lot of things I wouldn't have even tried without Reyes (my sweetheart <3) encouraging me to. It's a lot easier to go and talk to someone if you have a person to back you up.

I just wanted to add in a few thoughts.

OP: it might be worth it to just send an email or pull the teachers aside and tell them "hey, you've called me "she" a few times and it makes me uncomfortable". When I was in uni I started transition my senior year so a lot of my professors knew as a young woman. They were all very kind but needed some reminding. The only one who didnt was the 60+ feminist lesbian professor I had. She was great about it and corrected other students. Even my thesis professor, who was a Mormon corrected people who misgendered me.

I also wanted to add that I get that it's painful. But, my husband is a uni professor and he's had this problem in the past. He misgendered two different students and he really didnt mean to. He was going by subconscious queues. It's probably not intentional.

I totally get this feeling and I just try to remind myself that everything takes time but it can definitely get on your nerves. Maybe try having a small chat with them when you're less annoyed about it and had time to think about what you wnat to say.

I'm genuinely surprised that I didn't run into this problem. Mucho sympathy from my end, dude. Hope you can get them back on track.