I dealt with possibly the rudest most taunting jerk in a long time. I went to get my keys Ive been missing for a few days now from a restaurant I was at a few days ago. They called me late last night and let me know they found them. I was happy and was gonna got there today to get them which I got my keys back btw. The manager called me sir when I went to pick them up. Allright I dont like being called sir but I understand. I asked him nicely to please dont call me sir, I do not like being called sir. He than not even 5 seconds arguing if my keys are even mine kept calling me sir. So now Ive told you and your being rude now. He must of called me sir 30 or so times. What was bad he's the manager.

Ill go back to the place to eat in a month or 2 but I was not amused and worse picking up my keys took nearly instead of a minute turned into 10 or so minutes of this. I was not leaving for my keys however long he called me sir and tried to not hand over my "property" till I answered his question. I never really gave him an answer but told him he didnt give me my keys, Id call the cops and I do actually personally 2 guys who are cops. He dealt with my friend to which helped but the jerk as I left, he called me sir again. NOT cool of a manager. If he realized that underneath was a girl in my head, I doubt he could of took it well. Im not the first transgirl to be called sir but really it really bothers me. It's a real insult to me and the fact he kept it up, well not cool of him and hurtful.

So sorry that happened to you.   This happened to me at the grocery store a few months back.  The checker called me "sir" and "man" repeatedly, even when I told him to stop.  I ratted him out to his boss, explaining that I am indeed transgender have been a customer there for 15 years.  I then called the corporate office, and they were horrified that I might keep telling this story as well as lose me as a customer.

I never saw this checker again. 

Perhaps if you told this douchenozzle's boss about this, it wouldn't end well for him.   Or you could wait until he gets off work and find out which car in the parking lot belongs to him.   

I agree with Jill, rat them out to their boss, keep going up the chain until you get the right response.

Quote from: Jill F on September 22, 2014, 10:18:46 PM
So sorry that happened to you.   This happened to me at the grocery store a few months back.  The checker called me "sir" and "man" repeatedly, even when I told him to stop.  I ratted him out to his boss, explaining that I am indeed transgender have been a customer there for 15 years.  I then called the corporate office, and they were horrified that I might keep telling this story as well as lose me as a customer.

I never saw this checker again. 

Perhaps if you told this douchenozzle's boss about this, it wouldn't end well for him.   Or you could wait until he gets off work and find out which car in the parking lot belongs to him. 

Id do that except I dont know who to go to. I wasnt just upset about the sir thing but also that he had basically tried to withhold my property from me until I did what he wanted which is illegal Im guessing but dont know. Still morally wrong. I dont care what his intentions were.

I could call as his name is Henry and tell him Im transgender and that who he was talking to wasnt who he was. That meaning the guy voice,  the little facial hair and guy like mannerisms werent who he spoke to and the sir thing is VERY offensive. I could also explain to him how he was nearing to break the law or already did. Im just glad I got my keys but Im staying away for awhile just so he doesnt remember me hopefully but Im afraid he treats others the same way.

When it comes to pronouns in public places I don't even correct anyone, mainly because I'm not presenting as female at any convincing level. I don't like hearing "sir" at all, but I'm not doing anything to help the matter any.

What I hate more is still hearing "he" and "his" by my friends and family who know that I'm transitioning. If anyone could have the respect and consideration for what I prefer it should be them, but I guess the same thing applies. Once they start seeing a female it'll be easier for them to say "she" and "her". Unfortunately, I just can't pull off that look right now. I don't have the clothes, the voice, the hair or the HRT, and it's depressing.

find out who his boss is and complain.

or you could keep going there to order food, but then make a loud fuss over him calling you things and complain about having tried to withhold your property and stuff. though that would make you the bad g..irl.

Quote from: Ms Grace on September 22, 2014, 10:27:15 PM
I agree with Jill, rat them out to their boss, keep going up the chain until you get the right response.

Exactly.  This is what I'd do if I faced any kind of abuse from an employee.

Quote from: sororcaeli on September 22, 2014, 11:47:01 PM
When it comes to pronouns in public places I don't even correct anyone, mainly because I'm not presenting as female at any convincing level. I don't like hearing "sir" at all, but I'm not doing anything to help the matter any.

What I hate more is still hearing "he" and "his" by my friends and family who know that I'm transitioning. If anyone could have the respect and consideration for what I prefer it should be them, but I guess the same thing applies. Once they start seeing a female it'll be easier for them to say "she" and "her". Unfortunately, I just can't pull off that look right now. I don't have the clothes, the voice, the hair or the HRT, and it's depressing.

Ya I dont exactly help not getting referred to as sir. I mean you look at me and you dont exactly think, oh transgender girl. It's just doesnt happen. If you were to know me, you might just guess transgender tendencies is all if ya get what I mean. I however know that asking to not be referred to as sir and getting called it like someone doesnt care is being rude. I know that doing it by accident is another thing. There is someone I work with that still by accident does it now and than, she doesnt mean to as it's habit but she does try not to. If ya did it by accident but am making an effort not to refer to me as sir, I know your not being disrespectful and trying.

Is your family even making an effort to try to not refer to you as he or him or his at all? I always just ask for someone to try atleast. Family and friends should be the first ones to be respectful and understanding and accepting.

Quote from: Kimberley Beauregard on September 23, 2014, 03:38:19 AM
Exactly.  This is what I'd do if I faced any kind of abuse from an employee.

Other thing is I dont want to get banned from the place for explaining my situation. Im afraid that the guy would get me kicked out due to me being trans. That fear is strange for me as Im not exactly out thinking just anyone hates transgender people. Something tells me this guy would if he knew why the sir thing was outright hurtful. All I ask for is an apology for it all. I dont want to get the dude fired or such, he just needs to know.

Give a negative yelp review and explain the reason why. That might get results.

Also don't go back you are just setting yourself up for more of this behavior.

Quote from: Larisa1983 on September 23, 2014, 12:29:08 PM
Im afraid that the guy would get me kicked out due to me being trans.

Does a place deserve your money when they would kick out a transgender woman for being herself?

Quote from: Jill F on September 22, 2014, 10:18:46 PM
I then called the corporate office, and they were horrified that I might keep telling this story as well as lose me as a customer.

I never saw this checker again. 

Yeah, calling the corporate office usually does the trick. I remember when I was at a Dollar Store one time and there was this total bitch running the register. She was cool to me. But she acted like a complete jerk to this older lady that was in front of me for basically no reason. All she did was ask about where a certain item was. But the cashier was really snotty and rude in her response. So, I kept my receipt so that I had the store number, address, phone number, etc.

I went home and tracked down the number for their corporate office and reported her. She had to be fired pretty quickly because I tend to recognize most of the people that work there since I go there quite a bit. I went back a week or so later and she was nowhere to be found. She deserved what she got as far as I'm concerned.

Sorry this happened to you. I would not go back unless corporate was notified and action was taken.

Quote from: Larisa1983 on September 23, 2014, 12:18:42 PM
Ya I dont exactly help not getting referred to as sir. I mean you look at me and you dont exactly think, oh transgender girl. It's just doesnt happen. If you were to know me, you might just guess transgender tendencies is all if ya get what I mean. I however know that asking to not be referred to as sir and getting called it like someone doesnt care is being rude. I know that doing it by accident is another thing. There is someone I work with that still by accident does it now and than, she doesnt mean to as it's habit but she does try not to. If ya did it by accident but am making an effort not to refer to me as sir, I know your not being disrespectful and trying.

Right. Making a mistake because you're used to something else is understandable, but the respectable thing to do is to at least try, because eventually the new pronouns will come out as default.

QuoteIs your family even making an effort to try to not refer to you as he or him or his at all? I always just ask for someone to try atleast. Family and friends should be the first ones to be respectful and understanding and accepting.

Well, only a few family members know: my dad, my mom and one of my cousins. I only see my mom, and right now she only sees her son, so that's what I get called. She'll adjust eventually. As far as my friends, none of them are intentionally disrespecting me. I just haven't done anything to make it easier for them, nor have I corrected them. I did just make a FB post specifically for my house mates asking them to at least avoid the male pronouns. I'm sure they'll struggle with it, but again.. they'll adjust in due time. My transition has been a very slow one.

Quote from: suzifrommd on September 23, 2014, 12:58:49 PM
Does a place deserve your money when they would kick out a transgender woman for being herself?

It's the food and Ive gone there ever since I was a little kid but this did disappoint me.

Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on September 23, 2014, 06:50:42 PM
Sorry this happened to you. I would not go back unless corporate was notified and action was taken.

Thanks, Im getting over it but I wont be back for awhile.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on September 23, 2014, 01:17:20 PM
Yeah, calling the corporate office usually does the trick. I remember when I was at a Dollar Store one time and there was this total bitch running the register. She was cool to me. But she acted like a complete jerk to this older lady that was in front of me for basically no reason. All she did was ask about where a certain item was. But the cashier was really snotty and rude in her response. So, I kept my receipt so that I had the store number, address, phone number, etc.

I went home and tracked down the number for their corporate office and reported her. She had to be fired pretty quickly because I tend to recognize most of the people that work there since I go there quite a bit. I went back a week or so later and she was nowhere to be found. She deserved what she got as far as I'm concerned.

I dont want him fired. I just want him to understand his mistake. An apology would be fine for me.

I doubt it was a mistake, I believe unless very strong action is taken against him he will continue to torment you any time you do go there.

Listen, I was in retail for a long time. Misgendering people is a very easy thing to do; you don't know how an individual you don't know wants to be "pro-nouned" in whatever their situation is. I usually approached groups of people as folks, as in; "hi folks, what can I help you find today", instead of "Hi ladies", just to not be offensive or create an unwanted awkwardness.

As for this particular situation, yes, go straight to corporate, explain the situation, and demand at the least that HR conducts sensitivity training per the law. I certainly, if avoidable, would not frequent the establishment for a while, they don't deserve your hard earned money.

there's this pub where local people use to eat. the owner is really sourly, often offends customers, only rarely smiles at all.
but people still go there to eat.
funny. really funny. but what makes this more ok than the guy you had to deal with, is that he acts the same way to everyone.
nobody to complain to either, he's the only boss there.
but unlike most bosses, he doesn't mind losing customers that he likes little enough to offend them bad enough that they won't ever return.