I was thinking of waiting until I left school to transition, as I really hate the idea of coming out to everyone at school and dealing with getting bullied because of it. I am someone who hates attention, and something like this will garner a lot of it.

I thought it'd be easy to just pretend to be female, but it feels like I am losing more of my sanity each day. I can't concentrate in school and am failing all my classes. I'm just so depressed and it feels like my life is over. I just wish I was born with a male body so much. I just see my two brothers and think 'It should've been me too, why isn't it me?'.

Seeing as I'm failing school anyway, I was thinking of just dropping out and doing online school. Then I could transition and everything. Would the NHS be OK with this? I just really loathe the idea of coming out and getting bullied, it's just too much effort, they'd just see me I as female anyway.

You can approach your Doctor and get the ball rolling on your transition without instantly going full time, and you don't have to come out to everyone in order to start the process.

If you are anything like me then simply knowing you have started the ball rolling will be a HUGE comfort for you and maybe help you cope with these difficult days.

The NHS generally requires some form of real life experience, be it education (in person), work, or volunteering.  It shows them that you're "thriving" as in your male role.

People may surprise you, I came out to 200 people between 17 and 30, but mostly on the lower end of that range, and only two of them were anywhere near problematic.  They were reported by someone, I never found out who it was so it wasn't one of my friends, before I had chance to.

Quote from: lxndr on September 25, 2014, 12:56:23 PM
The NHS generally requires some form of real life experience, be it education (in person), work, or volunteering.  It shows them that you're "thriving" as in your male role.

This IS true, but even before they talk to you about serious real life experience there are hoops to jump through, I had 2 Doctors appointments AND a Psyche assessment before they even referred me to the Gender Identity Clinic.  You could get this out of the way without starting your RLE.

On a side note, I HAD been presenting as female for at least a year before I approached them BUT they never required proof, they just took my word for it.

I just want people to see/treat me as a normal guy, you know? But its starting to look like I'll have to tell people, I really just don't want people to know, and to be seen as 'other'.

Quote from: ScottyMac on September 25, 2014, 01:09:08 PM
I just want people to see/treat me as a normal guy, you know? But its starting to look like I'll have to tell people, I really just don't want people to know, and to be seen as 'other'.

Sadly that is inevitable to a degree, you have one ace up your sleeve though, it is easier for an FtM to ease into their chosen gender role than vice versa, a woman can wear completely male clothing and even cut their hair in a traditionally male style without raising too many eyebrows. I don't know if that would be enough to help ease your dsyphoria and get through school though.

If you don't make all the changes at once a lot of people won't even notice!

Maybe...just the less people who know the better. I've been clinging to the idea that I can transition without anyone knowing then just move somewhere new and get on with life. Just wish it were that easy.

Quote from: ScottyMac on September 25, 2014, 01:17:29 PM
Maybe...just the less people who know the better. I've been clinging to the idea that I can transition without anyone knowing then just move somewhere new and get on with life. Just wish it were that easy.

How long do you have left of school?

2 years

Before I started presenting as entirely female I found things that helped me feel better without being conspicuous e.g. female undies, growing my hair out but keeping it in a masculine state in public, presenting as entirely female in private.

See if you can find a few minor changes that make you feel better but won't stand out like a sore thumb, it'll make your last 2 years pass more easily, but I really do recommend talking to your doctor and starting the papertrail as soon as possible, when you know or even suspect you are Trans it is time to talk to someone!

xx

Quote from: Alice Rogers on September 25, 2014, 01:02:27 PM
This IS true, but even before they talk to you about serious real life experience there are hoops to jump through, I had 2 Doctors appointments AND a Psyche assessment before they even referred me to the Gender Identity Clinic.  You could get this out of the way without starting your RLE.

On a side note, I HAD been presenting as female for at least a year before I approached them BUT they never required proof, they just took my word for it.

This is not entirely true anymore.  You do not need a psyche assessment with the local mental health team prior to being referred to a Gender Identity Clinic.  You haven't needed to since 2013, although not all GPs know that yet.

I'm not saying that you can't get referred to a GIC without coming out, that's what I did, but I knew I was going to be out before I went to my first appointment as it was a deadline I'd set myself.  Depending on which GIC you're looking to get referred to it could take over a year until your first appointment (Charing Cross and I believe it's Leeds which have those ridiculous waiting lists).  I was answering the question of what the NHS would think if you hid yourself away to transition.

Quote from: ScottyMac on September 25, 2014, 01:17:29 PM
Maybe...just the less people who know the better. I've been clinging to the idea that I can transition without anyone knowing then just move somewhere new and get on with life. Just wish it were that easy.

My thoughts originally were the same, but live doesn't work out that way sometimes.  It's not always possible to just up sticks and move to a different part of the country so that no one knows your story.  I was fortunate in that I did get to move away to somewhere were no one knew me before, but this was a few months after I came out, and I'm now having a rough time deciding whether I'll ever go back to Suffolk and see the place where I grew up in because I don't think I can stomach being somewhere that everyone still thinks I'm the girl they saw grow up.

It's tough being trans.  The thing I remember the most though is how much it felt like home in my workplace (where I was living when I came out to those 200 odd people) once I'd come out, and wishing I'd had the balls to do it sooner.  I managed three years of living as female, although presenting male entirely except for names and pronouns, before I came out, and it was one of the roughest time's I've ever had.

my first coping mechanism was playing with hairstyles. try out a whole lot, cut your hair a different way every time you feel that strong need for change.
you may attract some attention, but doing it slowly, cutting a little bit here and a little bit there, will make them hardly remember how much you've changed when you get down to the perfect shortness.
i hogged a lot of attention by dying my hair in all kinds of colors. green looks great on me.

other things to do are slowly transitioning into a masculine clothing style, and starting to bind. if you don't do that already.

finding online spaces where you can be stealth as fully male, might help too.

starting the process of transitioning now might not be the worst idea ever. if you're hoping to present male after finishing school, it might be helpful to start hrt a few months before, so that you look less female at that time. getting ready for whatever you will do after school, might actually take all the time that you have left, so why not start the process and do it slowly to match your future plans?

Quote from: Taka on September 25, 2014, 01:54:31 PM
my first coping mechanism was playing with hairstyles. try out a whole lot, cut your hair a different way every time you feel that strong need for change.
you may attract some attention, but doing it slowly, cutting a little bit here and a little bit there, will make them hardly remember how much you've changed when you get down to the perfect shortness.
i hogged a lot of attention by dying my hair in all kinds of colors. green looks great on me.

other things to do are slowly transitioning into a masculine clothing style, and starting to bind. if you don't do that already.

finding online spaces where you can be stealth as fully male, might help too.

starting the process of transitioning now might not be the worst idea ever. if you're hoping to present male after finishing school, it might be helpful to start hrt a few months before, so that you look less female at that time. getting ready for whatever you will do after school, might actually take all the time that you have left, so why not start the process and do it slowly to match your future plans?

Sage words indeed! Have you tried Second life? Good place to present however the hell you want if your computer will run it!

Quote from: ScottyMac on September 25, 2014, 11:45:59 AM
I was thinking of waiting until I left school to transition, as I really hate the idea of coming out to everyone at school and dealing with getting bullied because of it. I am someone who hates attention, and something like this will garner a lot of it.

I thought it'd be easy to just pretend to be female, but it feels like I am losing more of my sanity each day. I can't concentrate in school and am failing all my classes. I'm just so depressed and it feels like my life is over. I just wish I was born with a male body so much. I just see my two brothers and think 'It should've been me too, why isn't it me?'.

Seeing as I'm failing school anyway, I was thinking of just dropping out and doing online school. Then I could transition and everything. Would the NHS be OK with this? I just really loathe the idea of coming out and getting bullied, it's just too much effort, they'd just see me I as female anyway.

Just thought I'd chime in and say the same exact thing happened to me, so just know that you're not the only person who felt they couldn't cope with that type of facade. I was transitioning while I was in school and really didn't want to be known for that. I felt as if it was almost irrelevant to who I am overall and still sort of do. Sure, I'd be a different person more than likely had I not had this massive mind & body dichotomy, but I don't think it's anyone's business actually knowing what is in my pants unless I make it so...and I hadn't. So, yeah, always felt kind of violated until recently. I don't know if that's what you're going through, but if it is, know you aren't alone .

Quote from: ScottyMac on September 25, 2014, 01:09:08 PM
I just want people to see/treat me as a normal guy, you know? But its starting to look like I'll have to tell people, I really just don't want people to know, and to be seen as 'other'.

Dude if your confident with yourself people will see you as you say you are you can't live your life thinling no one is gonna accept you I thought the same hing freshman and sophomore year know I am a senior and the hole administration is fine with it as well as most of the kids, They respec me nd my gender identity, What I've learned for the most part is that if you bring off masculinity it tends to be easier because it'd be easier for most to see you as a guy, Male body or not how many times I have to tell you were not that different the only thing I can say that really bothers me is not being able to give a woman a baby but other than that its whatever.

I want to second the small changes ideas... I've been gradually changing things about my appearance (haircut, wearing a binder, more masculine clothes, etc), and for the most part, nobody that I see regularly has really noticed, or at least they haven't said anything. But I still feel more comfortable in my own skin, and more confident in general. Plus it feels like progress toward transition, and kinda "real-life-experience-lite."

And all without coming out to anyone but my closest friends, one relative, and my support group (all initiated by me and not by anyone noticing or questioning my changing expression).

I have not yet started on hormones and have only had one therapy session, so I sympathize a lot about being pre-transition. I hope my recent experiences can be of some help to you.