guys i need help very quickly. i don't know if you remember i was talking about me missing periods and all. anyway to tell it all briefly for the last year or so the periods have gone super weird, like i'd get one once every 3months and that too lasts only 1-3 days- that too only a light trace of brown. mom's gonna take me to doctor very soon, like within this week. and my family doesn't know anything about trans issues. i don't know what to do now. i don't want to fix the periods, it's much better this way. more than that i don't want them putting anymore female hormones into me to fix it. i don't show any signs of pcos, so does anybody have an idea what the doctor will do? mom says they usually give a yellow tablet and do you have any idea what's in it? what should i do now? i'm very scared. i'm like i don't admit i have a female system and i will no way talk about it with a stranger doctor. i don't even remember when i last had one,just bcos i don't believe i get them. do i make sense?anyway, advice please

I think, honestly, the best thing you can do is talk to your doctor about the trans thing while you're there and with from there. There are a lot of things it could be, done serious some not, but it's something your doctor should know to treat you properly. 99.9% of doctors want to help the people they treat. If you're not honest, you can't get proper help.
As far as your mom. .. if you can go into the exam room alone, that may be the way to go

Please be honest with the doctor. You only have one life and your health could be impacted drastically by not disclosing.  🙂

that should be a good idea. thanks. but, what if the doctor turns out to be totally ignorant of it? or worse- antitrans? the support group i called warned me of it. maybe i should come out to mom tonight? arghhh! will she even understand? noooo i don't want to face this... wish i could just disappear. if i don't come out how do i make her let me talk to the doctor alone? she'll want to know what i told him at least afterwards! maybe its that moment? where you have no other option but to come out finally? arghh i can't even go out of my room for dinner now! they're planning to take me to doctor tomorrow!

I hate to say it, but it looks like this is your coming out event. You just really have no more options at this point that I can see. If you don't tell the doctor your health will suffer and inappropriate treatment could be rendered. Maybe in a way this is a good thing. You have the opportunity to come out and you will feel better and be free of your burden. You will have a lot of things to accept, listen to and be judged on for sure, but I think you can handle it. This day had to come some time so why not deal with it now. I wish you the best and hope for positive acceptance an understanding. 

I don't think you need to come out right now if you don't want to. The doctor should have a patient/doctor confidentiality agreement so if you disclose to them that you're transgender and ask them to keep it private from your family they legally have to. You also can refuse any treatment if you aren't comfortable with it.

You sound a lot like me. I miss my periods all the time, I've gone as long as a entire year without having one before then when I do have them they can last for months at a time or as short as just a few days. It's extremely irregular for me. I also know what you mean by the brown stuff. I was worried about being so irregular because a few of the cis women on my mother's side of the family have had breast and ovarian cancer so I forced myself to see a gynaecologist a few months ago. It turned out that everything was fine and she said even the dark/brown color was natural and that there was no reason to try to regulate my periods unless I was trying to become pregnant (I hadn't told her I was transgender, I only told my GP, and would try no such thing). She did however suggest getting a pelvic ultrasound to see if I had PCOS though I haven't gotten it done yet.

I would suggest letting the doctor know that you're trans and request that it be kept confidential. At the very least it will help them make you more comfortable. Even if they are anti-trans they're required to maintain a professional relationship with all their patients regardless or gender identity, sexual orientation, etc. so they can't force you to take female hormones against your will. I was worried about the same things when I went to the doctor but it all turned out fine.

I also don't think you need to come out, but if you wanted to it would be a good opportunity to bring it up. Anyway, since your problem is "female" related, it would be best to inform your doctor that you are trans so they can help you to get a treatment option that does not put your mental health in danger.

Doctors are held to a confidentiality agreement as others have mentioned, so even if they are anti-trans/ignorant, they cannot tell your family without your consent. They can get in huge trouble over malpractice if they do, and I don't think any doctor would want to risk their reputation just to be an a**hole to a trans person. Also, a lot of places now have a policy of forcing family members/friends/non-essential attendants of patients to wait in the waiting room while they room you. If they do this, you can just tell the nurse you want privacy and not to ask your mom to come in, and they have to respect that under the same rules of confidentiality. (There may be some differences in rules if you are underage, I'm not sure about the specifics but they should respect the same requests as an adult as long as they have no reason to have to tell your mother about something [i.e. you're not in danger of hurting yourself or others, etc.] This may vary country-to-country or state-to-state/province-to-province.) If you feel comfortable you might even ask the nurse to make up an excuse to tell your mother, like she's not allowed in on visits of this nature or something like that. (The nurse would probably be more easily persuaded if you provide an excuse for them to use.)

Good luck!

you guys are really being helpful. thanks and i'll consider everything you've said. it was at the tip of my tongue but i couldn't get it out to mom. i had dinner anyway, getting mom and dad to promise the won't bring the issue up during dinner. and now mom is fast asleep.
btw, the pressure built up tonight was so great that i had to let it leak somewhere. posting here didn't feel good enough, and before i knew i came out to a friend through fb! guess how shocked she is! we were casually chatting and i suddenly spill it out of the blue. she didn't know anything about trans stuff so asked me for some time to look it up and understand, and she'll reply tomorrow. oh dear, i never expected my first coming out to be so abrupt! she's one of the two friends i was planning to come out first to, so it's no big thing. and she sounded quite positive, very supportive and trying to understand. that's what she's always like and that's why i chose her. well, let's see what tomorrow brings. i'm going to sleep too.

Quote from: Contravene on September 26, 2014, 11:42:51 AM
I don't think you need to come out right now if you don't want to.

Quote from: Dante on September 26, 2014, 01:26:28 PM
I also don't think you need to come out, but if you wanted to it would be a good opportunity to bring it up.

I didn't mean it like that, I just thought it was the perfect opportunity. The girl will leave the boys clubhouse now. 

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on September 26, 2014, 02:14:09 PM
I didn't mean it like that, I just thought it was the perfect opportunity. The girl will leave the boys clubhouse now. 

I knew what you meant, don't worry! It actually would be a great opportunity. I wish I'd had a more delicate way of coming out to my parents or at least been able to use my trip to the doctor as a reason to tell them instead of dropping it on them like a bomb as I did but I digress.

Quote from: YBtheOutlaw on September 26, 2014, 02:07:19 PM
you guys are really being helpful. thanks and i'll consider everything you've said. it was at the tip of my tongue but i couldn't get it out to mom. i had dinner anyway, getting mom and dad to promise the won't bring the issue up during dinner. and now mom is fast asleep.
btw, the pressure built up tonight was so great that i had to let it leak somewhere. posting here didn't feel good enough, and before i knew i came out to a friend through fb! guess how shocked she is! we were casually chatting and i suddenly spill it out of the blue. she didn't know anything about trans stuff so asked me for some time to look it up and understand, and she'll reply tomorrow. oh dear, i never expected my first coming out to be so abrupt! she's one of the two friends i was planning to come out first to, so it's no big thing. and she sounded quite positive, very supportive and trying to understand. that's what she's always like and that's why i chose her. well, let's see what tomorrow brings. i'm going to sleep too.

It's great that your friend was supportive, good luck with your appointment!

today morning i pleaded mom to let me stay like this. i was wailing. but dad was being forceful and told if i'm not coming to see the doctor he'd call a doctor home no matter how much it costs. you see, i'm well over 19 but still living with parents i don't have much of an independence. so i finally had to agree to go to a doctor but decided i would tell the doctor my problems before he prescribes anything. we consulted a normal doctor, not a gyno. and this doctor didn't even examine me. as soon as mom told him i was missing periods he blurted out it should be this and this syndrome. i couldn't catch the name and when mom asked what it means he said cysts in uterus. then he said it was not his subject and forwarded me to a gyno. that appointment is in an hour. i feel like a complete mess. also, google can't find any relationship between cysts in uterus and missed periods. it only mentions heavy bleeding in periods. i don't know what to do anymore. shall i tell the gyno?

I would tell the gyno.
I'm sorry that doctor sucks so much! Hopefully the gyno will treat you better.
When I went to my doctor about missing mine, she scheduled an ultrasound for me. I guess different areas have different rules. Or the doctor just sucked.
Good luck!

Quote from: devention on September 28, 2014, 10:19:30 AM
I would tell the gyno.
I'm sorry that doctor sucks so much! Hopefully the gyno will treat you better.
When I went to my doctor about missing mine, she scheduled an ultrasound for me. I guess different areas have different rules. Or the doctor just sucked.
Good luck!

yeah the gyno was better. he said more than anything it could be just mental stress because of the exams. anyway he checked my blood pressure and wanted to get my blood sugar checked and some other urine and blood tests, of which i'm getting the reports today. he also asked me to come tomorrow evening with a full bladder for an ultrasound. as i said i'm not going to tell him anything about being trans unless he prescribes something harmful for me.
i have no idea why the first doctor said such a thing if he didn't know anything about it. it scared hell out of mom and dad.

Quote from: YBtheOutlaw on September 29, 2014, 01:44:37 AM
yeah the gyno was better. he said more than anything it could be just mental stress because of the exams. anyway he checked my blood pressure and wanted to get my blood sugar checked and some other urine and blood tests, of which i'm getting the reports today. he also asked me to come tomorrow evening with a full bladder for an ultrasound. as i said i'm not going to tell him anything about being trans unless he prescribes something harmful for me.
i have no idea why the first doctor said such a thing if he didn't know anything about it. it scared hell out of mom and dad.

Yes, I would just ride with it, no reason to mention being trans.  If they want to put you on something so that your periods come on regularly, you can say something.  Or, you can not and just deal with the monthly periods until you are ready to medically transition.  There is not going to be anything that the doctor gives you that will negatively impact your transition in the future.

Quote from: Brett on September 29, 2014, 09:15:46 AM
There is not going to be anything that the doctor gives you that will negatively impact your transition in the future.

Must disagree. If they prescribe female hormones it could cause breast enlargement. Depending on how things are for him currently, that could alter his top surgery options.

Brett, I would try to keep from taking any female hormones as they can cause further female puberty developments.  I get cramps every month and keep it to my myself as I don't want to take any hormones.  I have a question how did your mother know you were not having regular period as my mother hasn't know when I have my period? When I first started she would make sure I had pads, then I switched to tampons and have been buying my own since.

Just want to add that your first priority here should be keeping your body healthy. It'll be harder to transition later if you let medical issues pile up.
And if you want to talk to a physician without your parents there, that should be relatively easy to arrange. I see your profile says you're 19- could you tell your parents you want to practice going in alone so you have experience for when you live on your own?

today i realized again that coming out to anybody is not as easy as telling it here. i didn't have enough guts to break it to the doctor. anyway i got around it, and missed another great chance of coming out to parents!!

so what happened is that when i went to the scan today the doctor said my bladder wasn't full enough. but he checked my blood and urine reports and said they were pretty normal, and told me to wait outside until my bladder filled up and come back for the scan. before letting us go out he started writing down the prescription, explaining that if his guess was right those pills would be good, but wait till we do the scan and see if it's anything else. mom asked what they were and the gyno said the name of a popular birth control pill here and said there was another more expensive pill. mom wanted to go for the expensive one. she also asked if there were any side effects ('cos one of the points i put forward to her when refusing to see a doctor was that medications for such issues bring up effects i don't like, such as breast enlargement) to which the gyno said 'absolutely no'? maybe they don't count such effects as side effects? anyway he said i had to take the pills for 21 days and then not for 7 days and then again take it for 21 days and so on, repeating the pattern for 6 months!!

so you see, by this time i was petrified. taking female hormones for SIX months! as if i don't have enough. yuck! and then we went outside and waited for the bladder to fill up. meanwhile i tried to convince mom that i was NO WAY going to take those pills. i made it clear that i didn't want to be on medication for half an year to get something i didn't want! i warned her that even if she bought the meds i was not gonna have them. since she was so scared of this i asked her to ask the gyno if it was necessary to take the pills, if it's dangerous to stay like this. she finally agreed.

we went back in and the scan went fine. the doctor said the ovaries were not producing ova regularly (that doesn't mean pcos right? so what the hell is that? not that i care as long as it can stay dead like this) and he said the pills he wrote earlier were fine. so mom asked if it was necessary bcos i refused to take pills! what was she thinking? anyway the doctor said it was better to take the pills and regulate the system, but not taking them won't do any harm.

so that's it. parents happy as nothing turned out to be dangerous, but they are trying to convince me to take the pills. they'll forget it soon enough i suppose, as mom seems to have forgotten that i'm not wearing earrings anymore! so that's how the story ends. thanks guys for standing with me for the past few days 🙂

Quote from: mm on September 29, 2014, 01:57:33 PM
Brett, I would try to keep from taking any female hormones as they can cause further female puberty developments.  I get cramps every month and keep it to my myself as I don't want to take any hormones.  I have a question how did your mother know you were not having regular period as my mother hasn't know when I have my period? When I first started she would make sure I had pads, then I switched to tampons and have been buying my own since.

to be honest i don't really remember. for some reason i forget stuff related to the shark week so easily, like i can never remember when i had it last. it could be that i stayed a loooong time without asking for a new pack of pads (i live with my parents and they basically buy all the supplies for the house. especially you wouldn't expect me to go and buy something like that!) and she asked what was up. or she usually notices that the week has arrived when i start washing underpants at odd hours and since that didn't happen soon enough she questioned me. or i was scared when things started getting irregular and confessed to mom. anyway one of those happened an year or two ago when it started to go irregular and since then mom kept track on it.

Quote from: troyboi on September 29, 2014, 02:19:12 PM
Just want to add that your first priority here should be keeping your body healthy. It'll be harder to transition later if you let medical issues pile up.
And if you want to talk to a physician without your parents there, that should be relatively easy to arrange. I see your profile says you're 19- could you tell your parents you want to practice going in alone so you have experience for when you live on your own?

i'm well over 19 yeah and i'd have asked that for any other doctor. but gyno, no way. i needed cover while waiting in line for the appointment you know, the line is 98% pregnant women. and they were giving me weird looks even when mom was with me. also it took me a lot of effort to make up my mind to visit a GYNO even with mom (how often do boys get treatment from gynos?) and as i mentioned earlier i can't explain femalish stuff about me with people as i don't identify them as a part of me, and it's a major dysphoria trigger.

things went fine in the end anyway, so nothing to worry about now. thanks for the concern, all of you guys 🙂

Quote from: blink on September 29, 2014, 01:37:12 PM
Must disagree. If they prescribe female hormones it could cause breast enlargement. Depending on how things are for him currently, that could alter his top surgery options.

Knowing that he was an adult, I didn't think about breast growth.  But, good point.