One of the managers at the part time thing I'm doing wants to promote me to his personal assistant. Another wants me on the front end, the very face of the store.

Neither is the career I usually use to provide for myself; I am primarily a writer, even if I haven't been able to write for two months now.

But both offer me very good money to take up the position.

To accept either, I must commit to staying here, where there is absolutely zero support for any trans* issues whatsoever. And I need that. But I also need the finances to move.

What would you do? Accept financial stability, for once, for a while? Even if it means you can't deal with what truly matters?
Or you struggle on minimum wage to make the move and face uncertain poverty for the next foreseeable future, but actually have your issues addressed?

Hi Jera, I would set a time line such as 1 year as the personal assistant with the goal of gaining money and skills to move on. HRT and expressing outside of work is none of their business.

Unless you are offered a contract, their desire for you to "commit" is nothing more then saying "we need someone who will actually show up for work every day". I doubt you'll have any obligation to stay on for any period of time just as they have zero obligation to keep on paying you if they decide you are redundant.

As to which position to take... Which one is lowest stress and won't drain you physically and emotionally? Which one may stimulate or inspire you more? "Having no time to write" sounds a little like I have a great excuse for being too depressed (un-inspired) to write. Having the money and the emotional health will provide the inspiration, time and energy to do the thing that brings you joy.

Hi Jera

Can I ask you a few things?

Firstly, does this store job totally preclude you from writing?  I am guessing that it would push your time for doing that to the extremities of the day, but this is not necessarily a bad thing? 

The second is your unexplained comment about not being able to "deal with what truly matters."  If you're talking about transitioning, well, a job is not only compatible with this but rather essential in my opinion.  If you're talking about writing, then let's talk around my first question. 

Meantime, my feeling is to go for the job. No doubt about it.  George Orwellesque literary poverty is all very well, but it's a nasty, nay impossible place from which to transition.

Julia

Quote from: JoanneB on September 27, 2014, 07:13:29 AM
Unless you are offered a contract, their desire for you to "commit" is nothing more then saying "we need someone who will actually show up for work every day". I doubt you'll have any obligation to stay on for any period of time just as they have zero obligation to keep on paying you if they decide you are redundant.

This is true, and though no formal contract is required, the understanding between us is powerful to me. They're asking me to do this precisely because I show up every day, early usually, and often show up many days where they didn't schedule me, to cover for somebody else who quit, got fired, called in sick, or whatever. They would be investing a lot of time, effort, and money in training me to do the things they want me to do. And I'd feel like a total piece of **** if I just dropped that and left in a month.

Quote
As to which position to take... Which one is lowest stress and won't drain you physically and emotionally? Which one may stimulate or inspire you more? "Having no time to write" sounds a little like I have a great excuse for being too depressed (un-inspired) to write. Having the money and the emotional health will provide the inspiration, time and energy to do the thing that brings you joy.

Yeah, that's precisely the issue. It's not that I don't have time, more that depression (or disthymia) rules my life right now.

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on September 27, 2014, 07:21:36 AM
Firstly, does this store job totally preclude you from writing?  I am guessing that it would push your time for doing that to the extremities of the day, but this is not necessarily a bad thing?

The job itself does not. My emotional health is what gets in the way. I didn't want to mention it, because I really don't want to trigger anyone, but for better understanding, I committed suicide almost three months ago now (and failed, obviously). I haven't been able to write since.

Quote
The second is your unexplained comment about not being able to "deal with what truly matters."  If you're talking about transitioning, well, a job is not only compatible with this but rather essential in my opinion.  If you're talking about writing, then let's talk around my first question. 

It's not necessarily transitioning per se. But there are no therapies where I am, of any kind. To be honest, I don't even truly know yet if transition is the path that I will need to take (though I have the desire for it, right now). I simply have no professional support for my depression, or anything else. And if I stay, I don't think I'm going to magically become any less broken.

Actually having money for once might help ease things, a bit, but doesn't deal with the root of the struggle that has been my life.

Hi Jera

Thank you for being open.  I understand better now, and I wish you great strength.

I still think you should grab the job with both hands!!  If nothing else, it will give you a strong sense of purpose and imposed stability.  The writing will return when you're ready for it.

You have friends here.  Draw on us if you need to.

Hugs - lots of strong ones!
Julia

it seems like you think you'd be quitting after just a month?
money is a source of happiness, in that enough of it lessens a whole lot of worry. you can commit for half a year. they need you, and when you've saved up enough to leave, you've probably worked there for ling enough that you can train a new employee for thwm before you leave.

security and commitment, and a job that you are good at, will make it more difficult for you to find reasons to quit life, especially if you think abiut you commitment as something to benefit both you and the company for as long as it is useful for you. you won't be selling your soul to them, you're just trading some months of your life for money that you sorely need.

I'm inclined to agree with the others.  Yes, you have to do what makes you happy in the long term, and by the sounds of it you're not happy at this job / living where you are etc.  But there's certainly a value to building up your resources so you can get to that happy place a little further down the line.

If you're able to tolerate either of those positions for 6 months to a year, then personally I'd go for it.  You don't need to sell them your soul, just use it as a stepping stone to greater things a bit further down the line.  It wouldn't be unreasonable for you to turn around after you've felt you've got enough together to make the next jump and say to them "actually, I've given this a fair go, and it's not for me".  If you can get someone else who's expressed interest in the position to shadow you while you do it (either knowingly, or just by getting them involved when you / they can), then you'll spread the skills so the company isn't left in the lurch when you leave, so they will have lost nothing (or at worst very little), you will be in a better financial situation, and everyone basically wins

So yeh, just go with the one that's going to cause you the least amount of grief, and go from there

As for the suicide thing: Awwww, hunni I'm really sorry to hear about that   hope you're ok.  As the others said, we're here if you need people to talk to about it.  All my love and <3 *hugs* <3 to you hun <3 xx

I am always a big fan of having a Plan B, if not a Plan C, D, etc..

Balance - The realist in me says nothing is ever perfect. Taking a position for the constant cash flow frees you from worrying about finances and the near term transition related expenses. Taking a position that gives you some free time and does not appear as if it will be an emotional drain, perhaps even fun, will help free you to follow your joy of writing. Another important aspect of yourself.

In time, if you feel the job was a big mistake.... well life is about mistakes and what you do and hopefully learn from them. Plan B, check if the other job offer is available, or start looking for other work. It is not a lifelong commitment like a marriage or baby, it is a job. The boss will fire you fire shortly after he is unhappy with you, you also have that same option to leave if you are unhappy with the work.

When I was living in rural WV there was no support of any kind nearby. The closest I found after many weeks of nightly searches was a support group, 90 miles away. Today, they are some 300 miles away and I still make the meetings. If you have to add extra gas money to that short list of transition related expenses it is there thanks to a steady job.

I dearly appreciate the thoughts, everyone. I think I do definitely need a plan B (though that's even harder to actually do right now).

I'm not entirely sure why this decision is so hard for me, but it is. There's pain, and struggle, either way I will turn from here. But I think I know what I will do, now.

Thanks.