Ok I'm slowly getting everything in order.  (Why hasn't the make up gun been invented yet?) Slowly enforcing correct pronouns with people. Work knows I'm on hormones. Know how to change my name (I think I'm right). After a lovely fight when I came out to my mother earlier this year we are now back on speaking terms, fingers crossed because in my family the game of realpolitik is very very true. This is something I will want all the family I can get behind me. Now on that note I have written a letter to my brother. I'm somebody who will can not only blow up a bridge but blow up the remains. So while a rough draft is my temper clouding my writing. Any suggestions and thoughts will be appreciated.

Dear [Brother],

I hope married life has been finding you well. The reason I'm writing this is that at your wedding you mentioned "Family is always important to us, and this is a way to bring our families together". Well this is a chance for to test yourself or see if your words were mere wind.

I'm writing this missive not as your brother gypsy luke p. but as your sister gypsy isla c. After many years of soul searching and some serious counseling I was approved to start hormone therapy to transition for male to female. While this decision was easy for me because it is something I have known for a long time, the reaction of others and or there adjustments is something I understand will take time.  I'm aware the journey can be rocky and even I'm not truly aware of my final destination. But we are both aware how much I'm willing to do what I believe regardless what others think. This is one path I'm taking with my head high, eyes open and a smile on my face.

Yes my body will change to one of a female appearance, but that is all. Inside I will still stay the same person. The girl that taught you not to be afraid of the monster under the bed, because you two where on first name basis. I'm still the same Simpsons quoting, avid book reading bowler you grew up with. The girl who she should always do what she says she would do, no matter what the cost. The one who can let things directed at them wash over,  but is always quick to respond when she feels one of her family members is being treated unjustly. Using any and all means at her disposal to correct the problem. You see [Brother] the goods haven't changed,  just their packaging.

[Brother] you will notice I like you have also changed my name.  I did so to honor a man in our family I deeply admired. While growing up to be (the man he was ) would be a hard task for anyone.  If I could reach half of his standards I would of achieved more then most people could hope to achieve.  So my dear [Brother] I'm not writing this asking for your acceptance, support or permission, but to inform you that changes have occurred. Your brother is dead, long live your sister.

Your loving sister
gypsy isla c.

I don't think any anger or bad feeling comes through at all. To me, it looks well written and short, to the point and not overly explanatory. The only thing you may want to add is a link to where he can ask questions if he has any. If you use a link, you won't have to deal with them directly perhaps.

I too think the letter is well written and it doesn't strike me as angry or anything along those lines.

Personally, I would probably not have included the final sentence where you state explicitly "I'm not asking for acceptance/support, I'm just informing you". If this were addressed at me, I think it would provoke a defiant reaction in me. This is the only sentence I would consider omitting, because it might close a door unnecessarily.

But obviously I'm saying all of this without knowing anything about your relationship to your brother, and the statement may well have a protective function for you!

The only thing I'd say is the line "or see if your words were mere wind" might be setting up a negative response from him. Obviously I don't know the relationship between you and him, so there may be reasons for this.

Good luck with the whole shebang!

Yeah, I agree with Ros. It would be better to ditch the whole first paragraph. It's pretty darn good but can I suggest a few other small changes...? Ignore me if you want!

Quote from: immortal gypsy on September 28, 2014, 09:44:00 AM
Dear [Brother],

I'm writing to you not as your brother gypsy luke p. but as your sister gypsy isla c. For as long as I remember I have never been comfortable or happy living as, or being seen and treated as a male. After many years of soul searching and some serious counseling I have been approved to start hormone therapy to transition from male to my true female self. While this decision was easy for me because it is something I have known for a long time, the reaction of others and or their adjustments is something I understand will take time.  I'm aware the journey can be rocky and even I'm not truly aware of my final destination. But we are both aware how much I'm willing to do what I believe regardless what others think. This is one path I'm taking with my head high, eyes open and a smile on my face.

Yes my body will change to one of a female appearance, but that is all. Inside I will still be the same person. I'm still the girl that taught you not to be afraid of the monster under the bed. I'm still the same Simpsons quoting, avid book reading bowler you grew up with. I'm the girl who said she should always do what she says she would do, no matter what the cost. I'm still the one who can let things directed at her wash over her, but is always quick to respond when she feels one of her family members is being treated unjustly - using any and all means at her disposal to correct the problem. You see [Brother] the goods won't changed,  just their packaging.

[Brother] you will notice I, like you, have also changed my name.  I did so to honor a man in our family I deeply admired. While growing up to be (the man he was ) would be a hard task for anyone, if I could reach half his standards I would have achieved more than most people could hope to ever achieve.  So my dear [Brother] I'm not writing to ask for your acceptance, support or permission, but to tell you that changes have occurred. Your brother is dead, long live your sister.

Your loving sister
gypsy isla c.

I think you've gotten some good advice about edits. I'd keep your letting but drop a few potentially inflammatory phrases here and there. No sense pushing buttons deliberately. The owner of those buttons (in this case your brother) will push his own himself if he feels it necessary. You may as well leave that part to him. But otherwise, I'd agree with others here - that letter is pretty solid. Just lose the nose tweakers.

Okay. Having read that, I would like to ask a question, if it's not too late.

What response are you hoping for?

Quote from: LordKAT on September 29, 2014, 02:28:47 AM
I don't think any anger or bad feeling comes through at all. To me, it looks well written and short, to the point and not overly explanatory. The only thing you may want to add is a link to where he can ask questions if he has any. If you use a link, you won't have to deal with them directly perhaps.

Actually with the way things are going right now that is a very good idea

Quote from: Ms Grace on September 29, 2014, 04:21:29 AM
Yeah, I agree with Ros. It would be better to ditch the whole first paragraph. It's pretty darn good but can I suggest a few other small changes...? Ignore me if you want!

I can see one or two changes but today I'll actually be able to write it in my notebook and compare it to mine side by side

Yes tact is not my strongest skill.  I have never been one to call a spade a digging implement, it's a spade people. Nose tweakers, having a fair memory and a love of using people's own words against them it is something that is almost second nature for me. Hence asking for help in the editing process.

Quote from: Sephirah on September 30, 2014, 02:20:45 PM
Okay. Having read that, I would like to ask a question, if it's not too late.

What response are you hoping for?

To let him know if I haven't will not change. I will still be me
To let him know I'm serious and this is happening, (some family members have believed that they could change my mind if the talked and badgered me enough)
Change of surname is not as some believe (him included sometimes), because I hated my father (detested yes hated never)
He knows how I feel about hypocrisy and doing things just for show. By using his own words I'm hoping to give him a way out if he should seek it. I would be disappointed (right now not so sure), but I have always valued honesty above everything else.


Arggh once you get me talking you can't get me to stop, why is this so hard. Even when I have this letter written I don't know when I'm going to be able to post it. He is playing games with my sisters and as usual I get caught in the crossfire, so all chance of a reasonable discussion may go out the window.

Please keep anymore suggestions coming this is going to take time, paper, ink and a whole lot of hot chocolate

Quote from: immortal gypsy on September 30, 2014, 05:31:10 PM
To let him know if I haven't will not change. I will still be me
To let him know I'm serious and this is happening, (some family members have believed that they could change my mind if the talked and badgered me enough)
Change of surname is not as some believe (him included sometimes), because I hated my father (detested yes hated never)
He knows how I feel about hypocrisy and doing things just for show. By using his own words I'm hoping to give him a way out if he should seek it. I would be disappointed (right now not so sure), but I have always valued honesty above everything else.

What's your relationship like with your brother, hon?

(sorry for the questions, I'm just trying to get an idea of the feelings between you)

Before we where close. Help each other out when needed no question. I was his secret keeper. Now I'm not so sure, for the past few years if I've asked for something small (a copy of photo that he has just taken, an email address). I either have to be constantly at him or he just seems to forget about it.

So now I'm not so sure, and after the wedding I don't know what he thinks. Words where said after that have me thinking how well did I really know him

Quote from: immortal gypsy on September 30, 2014, 06:52:04 PM
Before we where close. Help each other out when needed no question. I was his secret keeper. Now I'm not so sure, for the past few years if I've asked for something small (a copy of photo that he has just taken, an email address). I either have to be constantly at him or he just seems to forget about it.

So now I'm not so sure, and after the wedding I don't know what he thinks. Words where said after that have me thinking how well did I really know him

Okay, one last question if I may.

What would you like your relationship with him to be?

That I believe is the 64 thousand dollar question. 

Four months ago I would say someone who would think going on an 8hr drive to go get some pies then drive back is a good idea.
Three months ago I would say someone who would be there for there family and respect their wishes
Two months ago I would say a person of their word
Last month I would say someone who could move on and understand others
Today probably someone who I could walk past without yelling.

I've learned space and time can calm me down. I don't want to totally destroy what ever relationship I have with him. I do want something for him to salvage if/when he so wishes. This letter needs to be written and the sooner I get it started the better because I know some people where he lives and most people there seem to know everyone. But it is hard to write with a clear head when you get little attacks from him and his wife, and hear about them doing the same thing to your sisters