Quote from: Taka on September 26, 2014, 03:01:49 PM

this means that moon cycle and menstruation cycle will some times coincide in ways that either lessen discomfort, or give me hell for a few days. the worst thing i ever experience is when vleeding starts on the new moon, the days before that are seriously just pure hell. talking to people becomes a real challenge.

I'm sorry you have to suffer through that Taka, my SO used to become quite ill and suffer awful cramps too. I always babied her a lot during those times and took good care of her, we're long past that now but I do recall the pale face and dark circles under her eyes. It wasn't fun for either of us. I like to tell people that we went through painful periods and eventually menopause together and survived. When you love someone you suffer right along with them.

I'm so happy to hear your doing better SatinJoy, and back on the forum.

Ally

i'm lucky to not get cramps that last very long. but it's happened that i've gone 2-3 days almost without eating because everything else suddenly stopped working properly.
i should probably ask a doctor if i have endometriosis or something, i've heard that can affect more than just the most obvious part of the body.

but it's gotten better after i stopped being so depressed. the human body is a mystery.

Being mtf non binary style is nice.

No cramps.

Its like being a grandpa.  I get to play with the baby and then give it back when it poops.

And, my first grandchild was announced as a pregnancy Friday night.  My youngest.

Interesting month.

If you are following this thread, don't worry about the triggers now.  I am fully present again.  And much stronger for outlasting the bulsh---t.

Good things have happened as a result with my indentity.   It seems SJ and Satinjoy have met more at the core.  Still the same, but somehow healthier. 

Regards

Satinjoy

Quote from: Satinjoy on September 29, 2014, 10:02:25 AM
Being mtf non binary style is nice.

No cramps.

Its like being a grandpa.  I get to play with the baby and then give it back when it poops.

And, my first grandchild was announced as a pregnancy Friday night.  My youngest.

Interesting month.

If you are following this thread, don't worry about the triggers now.  I am fully present again.  And much stronger for outlasting the bulsh---t.

Good things have happened as a result with my indentity.   It seems SJ and Satinjoy have met more at the core.  Still the same, but somehow healthier. 

Regards

Satinjoy

That's good news hon! 

Quote from: Satinjoy on September 29, 2014, 10:02:25 AM

If you are following this thread, don't worry about the triggers now.  I am fully present again.  And much stronger for outlasting the bulsh---t.

Good things have happened as a result with my indentity.   It seems SJ and Satinjoy have met more at the core.  Still the same, but somehow healthier. 

Regards

Satinjoy

Yay!

Greetings my dears.

As you know I sometimes have it a bit rough.  And I apologize for the emotionalism that goes with that.

In a rather oddly timed shift of fate, it seams that a job transfer and demotion went down this morning that has me reeling.  But, I still have food and hormones and family so why complain.  It will however be tough and even more stress than previously when I anxiety redlined.  It is hard to say what will happen there.

My time on the forum will henceforth be very limited by circumstance.

For those that pray, I need it, as usual.  We all do anyway, don't we.

As to the drama and the locked threads, I apologize, its largely stress, triggering, some poor choices made by others in probable innocence trying to help me, and hormonal vulnerability.

See you when I can, life on life's terms can be a bit difficult.  I need to survive this, probably as usual the survival story will wind up with another victorious moment.  I've beat the odds so many times its nuts.

I will be posting in the early mornings a few times a week.  But I can occasionally still see what is up in here on my phone.

Nails out, head down, heart open anyway, I remain, Satinjoy.  And I need this forum and every single one of you.  When the sh-t hits the fan, this is one place that gets it about sticking with each other in spite of our disagreements and diversity and sometimes even emotional instability (me not you).  Its more than a support forum, it is a survival forum.  Living trans isn't easy.

Blessings.  Love to all here.

---Satinjoy  - aka The Fairy.

Satinjoy, I'm glad to see things are better.

Quote from: Satinjoy on October 03, 2014, 01:01:01 PM
Greetings my dears.

As you know I sometimes have it a bit rough.  And I apologize for the emotionalism that goes with that.

In a rather oddly timed shift of fate, it seams that a job transfer and demotion went down this morning that has me reeling.  But, I still have food and hormones and family so why complain.  It will however be tough and even more stress than previously when I anxiety redlined.  It is hard to say what will happen there.

---Satinjoy  - aka The Fairy.

Been there multiple times in my working life, often having to reinvent myself and start over. The days when we work for the same company for 40 years, get the gold watch and fat retirement package are over. If you're still employed count your blessings and get rid of what you don't need, you may e surprised at what positive things can come out of it, things we usually don't appreciate at the time, but what we can see in retrospect a few years down the road. Thinking about you hon!

Hi Miss Satinjoy,

Like everyone else here I love you and will say a little prayer.  I'm sorry about work, transition to something new is hard enough, that you are not celebrated by your peers in the workplace is their loss.  I celebrate you and count myself blessed.  Work hard, love well, and it will all sort itself out. "Thy will not mine be done."

Peace,
Julie

SatinJoy, your in my prayers. As always I enjoy reading your posts and look forward to seeing more in the future. I too am sorry to hear about your work. You are strong tho and I'm confident you'll pull through this even stronger.

As always, my best wishes to you.

Ally

I hate to keep drawing attention to myself, but my daughter just miscarried and I am concerned, this is really too much for anyone to take.

This is supposed to be a support forum and instead we have lost that focus and that is so wrong.

Stakes are high, this kid is the one we had once had to hospitalize and was the stalking and worse victim.

Sometimes I think by being trans I opened
the floodgates of he'll against my family, by keeping my faith publically and championing trans too.

I feel lime taking my camaro into a wall.

I am so tired.  What did I do to deserve this.

If anything happens to my kid I am finished.

Satinjoy

Quote from: Satinjoy on October 06, 2014, 08:23:36 PM
This is supposed to be a support forum and instead we have lost that focus and that is so wrong.

No,we haven't. Where have we lost focus at? I see people getting help here every day. 

Quote from: Satinjoy on October 06, 2014, 08:23:36 PM
I hate to keep drawing attention to myself, but my daughter just miscarried and I am concerned, this is really too much for anyone to take.

This is supposed to be a support forum and instead we have lost that focus and that is so wrong.

Stakes are high, this kid is the one we had once had to hospitalize and was the stalking and worse victim.

Sometimes I think by being trans I opened
the floodgates of he'll against my family, by keeping my faith publically and championing trans too.

I feel lime taking my camaro into a wall.

I am so tired.  What did I do to deserve this.

If anything happens to my kid I am finished.

Satinjoy

No don't do that honey, we're here for you!

That's quite enough of that, Satinjoy! You're the second trans person to threaten conditional suicide in my presence in the last 36 hours, and I won't have it!

I'll tell you what I told her:

If you do it I'll raise you from the dead and make your afterlife miserable.

I'll make you haunt a toilet seat...

In an outhouse...

At a fat camp....

One that uses enemas!

And if that doesn't work, I'll cry, a lot.

You, your daughter and your family can get through this. And Susan's? We argue, we bicker, we debate and we fight, but in the end we come together when one of us needs the others. We are here to support you, and each of us, emotionally. We will remain here, doing what we do. You've done your share of giving and we're all here to give back.

Susan's is a karma bank, and we give interest. You are a valuable depositor. We need you here.

Hate to smack you while you are down, but this is why you do not self medicate.

Quote from: Susan on October 06, 2014, 09:58:04 PM
Hate to smack you while you are down, but this is why you do not self medicate.

Self medication was not an issue here as Satin Joy points out in the first post on this thread.
I understand it was the endocrinologist who made a mistake with dosage.

Quote from: cathyrains on October 07, 2014, 05:35:35 AM
Self medication was not an issue here as Satin Joy points out in the first post on this thread.
I understand it was the endocrinologist who made a mistake with dosage.

Both endo and shrink manage the meds.  I am a sober alcoholic, I wouldn't dream of setting a dose for myself nor recommending a specific form of estrogen.  And thanks Cathy.

As to the conditional suicide, the feelings are only feelings, there will never be a chance of suicide for me.  I even have an escape plan with someone on the forum who would intervene, both physically and mentally.  Actually 2 people.

Now that I have wallowed in shock and self pity overnight we will get on with the business of healing the kid, and the more difficult business of dealing with the boyfriend that got her pregnant out of wedlock in the first place. 

But we wanted that baby.

Jessica in all due respect the forum has become distracted by the issues between binary and nonbinary.  That issue has become toxic.

Edited here.  Sj.

Learning these female emotions and having this mtf transitioned body is like learning who I am all over again.  Nonbinary or not, it still is a full hormonal transition, 16 months in.  Didn't expect this part, the depth of feeling is so much deeper, the volatility so intense.

Focussing on the kid.  I'm human, the night of despair is a normal reaction, one I did not allow her or anyone else to see.  We have our eyes on her, she promised she would not hurt herself.  I just don't want her to run.


-Satinjoy.

SJ

Glad that you have got to a good place.  You have had the week from hell and your resilience is amazing.  Remember PM anytime.   Unfortunately when endos and labs get it wrong, we are the folk who bear the consequence.  Keep it up, you are an inspiration to many.

Safe travels

Aisla

Quote from: cathyrains on October 07, 2014, 05:35:35 AM

Quote from: Susan on October 06, 2014, 09:58:04 PM
Hate to smack you while you are down, but this is why you do not self medicate.

Self medication was not an issue here as Satin Joy points out in the first post on this thread.
I understand it was the endocrinologist who made a mistake with dosage.

Doesn't make a difference to my point. It wasn't even really directed directly at Satinjoy, it was a warning to others. I will point out it's very rare for a endocrinologist or any medical professional to make a mistake of that nature, and if a trained medical professional can make a mistake that is this serious, then it's even easier for you to do so when self medicating.