Quote from: ✰Fairy~Wishes✰ on September 29, 2014, 10:12:02 AM
Edit: Opps! I'm so so so so so so so sorry! I accidentally posted in the wrong forum! I didn't see this was female to male!
It was an accident! I'm a new member and I don't know my way around. ^_^;;

You can post here, if you'd like, from what I've seen!   I don't think there's a restriction just because of your gender choice!

I have a similar situation with my mom, and it makes me hesitate to go on T.

I talked to a therapist and he said there are a lot of ways to be a male, and you don't necessarily have to be on T to dress and present that way. I know that for me it's something I want, but I can compromise about that for my mother's sake.

The main issue is having enough time away with people you can be yourself with. At least, that's what I'm finding. Wearing a binder and going to a weekly trans support group, hanging out with other people, having supportive friends who are 100% behind me... that's what has been really great.

I hope you can wrangle some of those resources for yourself (therapist, support group, good friends, new friends who know you as your true gender, time away from the oppressive home environment, etc).

It's possible to love someone and sacrifice for them. It's possible to love someone if you're not willing to sacrifice for them. It's possible to love someone and not communicate with them, and know that they love you even if they can't accept you. It's possible that your mother would be more accepting than it seems and things would turn out okay.

I'm trying to figure out these possibilities too.

Be aware that you're not alone.

Going through it right now myself. Unfortunately, I'm not really financially stable. I'm really unsure how you leave it all behind. If I stay, it's not going to be good for my mental health. If I leave, it might not be good for my financial stability and I'd deal with sadness from losing connection to my mom.

I really wish you luck. This is by far the worst part for any person transitioning. It's really hard to focus on the potential gains, when the only thing in front of you are the potential losses. I hope everything works out for each of you going through this.

Quote from: Abby Claire on September 29, 2014, 06:41:10 PM
Going through it right now myself. Unfortunately, I'm not really financially stable. I'm really unsure how you leave it all behind. If I stay, it's not going to be good for my mental health. If I leave, it might not be good for my financial stability and I'd deal with sadness from losing connection to my mom.

I really wish you luck. This is by far the worst part for any person transitioning. It's really hard to focus on the potential gains, when the only thing in front of you are the potential losses. I hope everything works out for each of you going through this.

I'm sorry you're going through it man.. That's the toughest part of it for sure if it wasn't for family I would have started T the second I got out of the corps. Although I'l admit(which might be cowardly) I'm glad I have to wait until I get my degree at least to be financial stable. I mean I'm stable now but I've got a few properties to purchase first to really have some consistant income to depend on so living with my mom just works for that. This growing anxiety and fear of how I'll feel(far as wanting to transition) once it's done is almost crippling though I see it to be almost like as soon as I get that diploma the ground will simply disappear from under me and I'll be lost.

Quote from: JHeron on September 29, 2014, 07:15:37 PM
I'm sorry you're going through it man.. That's the toughest part of it for sure if it wasn't for family I would have started T the second I got out of the corps. Although I'l admit(which might be cowardly) I'm glad I have to wait until I get my degree at least to be financial stable. I mean I'm stable now but I've got a few properties to purchase first to really have some consistant income to depend on so living with my mom just works for that. This growing anxiety and fear of how I'll feel(far as wanting to transition) once it's done is almost crippling though I see it to be almost like as soon as I get that diploma the ground will simply disappear from under me and I'll be lost.

Part of my problem is I have a college degree and it has done nothing for me. All that money and time spent could have gone towards my transition, which I may as well have done since it seems I will have to completely start over once I start hrt. It just really sucks, and this lack of support from my family makes it worse because if I knew I had to restart alone, I would have done it when it was financially viable and I didn't lead myself down this road as my birth gender that is basically a dead end of depression and anxiety.

Pianoforte-  I completely agree but I've always been a very contradictory person idk if anyone can relate but it's a terrible thing to be. You know all I want is to be the guy I see in my head the guy I feel like when I put on my skinny jeans and beanie ha and I absolutely hate when that image gets crushed by the reality I see in the mirror. On the one I don't think I can be half of anything I either have to not do it or completely do it  it can't be any other way for myself. But I have thought as you do still do constantly and it upsets me because I have long been the caretaker of my mother I gave up my childhood for it and taken alot of damage to my soul because of her, not to say I wouldn't die for he woman but where does it end? You know where does it say that I should give my life for hers? And then back to how much I respect and feel that I owe her.. It's a real nasty cycle friends.  I apologize for my rambling

Quote from: JHeron on September 29, 2014, 07:24:01 PM
I gave up my childhood for it and taken alot of damage to my soul because of her, not to say I wouldn't die for he woman but where does it end? You know where does it say that I should give my life for hers? And then back to how much I respect and feel that I owe her.. It's a real nasty cycle friends.  I apologize for my rambling

This is EXACTLY the problem I'm going through. Mind you, I don't take care of my mother, but she's the reason i haven't transitioned and I feel the same way you do. I feel I owe her because I love her, but how much do you owe to your parents? Are you indebted for life to them? It's scary, heartbreaking, and is the most difficult decision I've ever had to deal with in my life.

Abby Claire-  I don't know.. I feel like it I mean I don't physically take care of her at the moment though I have before she's had a few major surgeries so whenever she needs me I'm there but I'll spare my tragic childhood story(it's in my introductions thread anyways) but I've been her parent for all intensive purposes since I was seven I remember being nine bloody and messed up from my fathers dicispline and having to console my crying mother lol you know that's our dynamic always has been. She tells me that I gave her the courage to leave my prick father she quotes advise that I gave her years ago on her life and says it's what gave her strength.. When I left for the military she had just began to be alone and she got hooked on antidepressants and now  back she's all better.. So much pressure mean she's an amazing person and last thing i wants to break her heart and become something disfigured and disgusting(in her eyes but please don't think ill of her there are just some things certain times certain countries never deal with and that's how they see things it's not her fault) I think about it every day what if  and then I drop it because it always ends with the image of my mother alone probably dying of depression because of me.

I'm very close to my mom too. I feel like I am basically the part of her life that represents when everything was perfect for her and everyone was happy. Especially when I was a child, we were very close and I've always turned to her for help. What scares me is that she'll look at this as losing someone she probably loves the most in her life. And I personally don't want to lose her in my life because she means so much to me. I guess what I fear is that she'll stop loving me. And that sucks because it's basically all I've got anymore.

Damn Abby glad to know I'm not alone but never something is wish on anyone. I don't know honestly.. If we do it I feel like it's always gonna feel like least for me like I let her down like I killed her "pretty girl" which she always says is her highest achievement.. Selfishly I almost wish she was a terrible parent like my father who dropped the day I turned 17 easier than a penny.

Yeah, I wish I could give you a hug and let you know that youre not the only one who has to deal with this particular situation at the moment. 

And I really wish I had answers, but I can only guess what is going to happen as I haven't dealt with it all yet. It's scary because you hear of trans people who lose their loved ones and then you hear stories of how they grow closer together, and sometimes you hear those stories where they aren't completely abandoned, but they grew distant. It's scary and very real. I wish I knew what the outcomes would be so I could make the right decisions (or at least plan accordingly), but this is one part of transitioning that has the most real consequences. I wish I wasn't so emotional. Haha

Haha you and me both.. Personally like I said earlier I'm one extreme or the other so at times I'll be completely stoic at the worst times but then be overly emotional in terms of lashing out and rage.. Which is also a fear of mine if I don't transition and just keep it in.. Always scared if bad things happening cause of my temper idk I don't see a way out of this frustration  not one with a good outcome anyways

Maybe educating your mother and then slowly proceding with your transition together will make it easier? Be there for her when she's having a hard time and show her that she's not losing the person she loves. Maybe if you're strong through it (at least when she sees you), it'll be easier for her as well.

If this is something that has to happen, then it has to happen. I don't want to get all dark here, but for me, I just realized my mom would be much happier at least if I were alive and different than having killed myself. I don't know how serious this all is for you (though it does sound serious), but letting your emotions overwhelm you is not the answer. It'll likely just tear apart your family over time like it sort of has for me keeping this bottled up.

Quote from: JHeron on September 28, 2014, 02:13:09 PM
Contrary my friend I owe my mother my life literally I'd be dead or in jail without her so  that is what makes the prospect of losing or even disappointing her completely gut ripping

I know what you mean, and friends I've always been able to choose, but family, well we all just landed up with each other. And Mum, bless her, was so good to me and I just wish I could have shared who I really am with her. I'm fortunate (I suppose) to not have much family. Both my parents passed away before I came out, so I only have three brothers left. One I don't speak to anyway (bonus, so no concern there), one is gay and has been very accepting and supportive (bonus, so no concern there), and my other brother lives in a different state, he's not so accepting and so I haven't disclosed anything to him.

My partner on the other hand, well after two months of coming out to her, it was too much and so she split. It's ok though because I had prepared myself for that. My biggest concern is my children and their mother whom I will be coming out to in a weeks time, now that I am worried about.

I think before I have come out to anyone, I have prepared myself for the fact they they may walk away. Everyone else has been fine, but for my children I struggle to accept that it will be ok if they choose not to see me. And so the challenge you are facing is quite similar, how would we be if 'they' chose to have nothing to do with us? I'm not sure I have an answer for me and my children, I just know I've decided no matter what, I will continue to love them like I always have.

It is sad to hear so many have lost their families, but it's also warming to know how supportive we all are for each other, maybe this is one family I did get to choose

Hugs
Bree